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dealing with girls as an inexperienced guy

August 24, 2014
1 upvotes

I know, I know, you guys are all tired of inexperienced guy questions but I haven't really been able to see anything talking about a similar experience.

A little background, I'm pretty sure I suffered from at least a mild depression for most of my past. I may still do, I still have these crazy mood swings, but I've learned to manage it better. I used to have really low self-esteem and wouldn't talk to girls for fear of rejection. The shitty thing about that is, I've had many girls pretty much throw themselves at me but I was so insecure with myself, I never looked at those instances as proof of my ability to attract girls. I've always been pretty socially adept, like I've always been able to make friends easy, and I get along with pretty much everyone I meet.

How should I go about gaining experience? Should I just seek out one-night stands until I get good at it, or should I try to find a girlfriend? The thing is, I don't think a PUA sort of lifestyle is one that's all that desirable to me. I'm not sure if that's just me projecting myself on a high-horse though since honestly, I haven't had the experience to know if I'd really even like that.

I've got two options I'm considering right now. There's this one girl I met a couple weeks ago who's pretty fucking cute and I got her number but she seems to be a really good and innocent girl. I know she's into me, but I'm not sure if I want to mess with that. She's been really shy and I'll have to pursue her pretty hard if I want anything with her. I am attracted to her, I just don't know if I want to potentially mess her up. There's this other girl I've been chatting up on Tinder. The tinder girl, I don't see any LTR potential in her, but she's cute and I'd be down to hook up with her for some experience. Wording it like that kinda makes me feel guilty though, I don't want to objectify girls like that...I dunno...I'm at a pretty confused point and I wanted someone to talk about this whole thing with

edit: I'm 23 btw living in a fairly new city where I don't have many direct aquaintances

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Post Information
Title dealing with girls as an inexperienced guy
Author prettylatebloomer
Upvotes 1
Comments 11
Date August 24, 2014 3:26 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dealing-with-girls-as-an-inexperienced-guy.141610
https://theredarchive.com/post/141610
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2eg67t/dealing_with_girls_as_an_inexperienced_guy/
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Comments

[–]Dubstyles 5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Fake it 'til you make it.

[–]prettylatebloomer[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

True. I think I'm gonna try to pursue that girl from a couple weeks ago, I dunno though, am I getting dangerously close to having oneitis? I'm able to acknowledge that my SMV is higher than hers, that hard-to-get game really does work though haha, I think I do like the girl though... From the two times I met her... Haha she does seem like a girl I think I'd like to try to pursue I'm trying to keep my feelings in check

[–]Dubstyles 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link

Try not to over think it too much.

[–]prettylatebloomer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha yeah brother that's definitely a problem I have that makes it hard to enjoy life. Gotta remember to just enjoy the ride sometimes, all we can really affect are the ways we choose to react to the things that happen to us. Simple answers are sometimes the best answers

[–]yesnolift 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy Link

You're putting girls on a pedestal right now. It's not your job to protect their feelings or to worry about objectifying them. Girls love to hook up with attractive guys too, they're not all looking for LTRs. If you are honest from the beginning you do not need to be apologetic about getting what you want.

In regards as to how you should best get experience, my advice would be start spinning plates, as meeting a variety of women will be extremely beneficial to your self-confidence and you will learn more about women in general than if you just slept with one girl.

You're over-thinking this I think buddy, get out there and enjoy yourself.

[–]prettylatebloomer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hell yeah, haha man I'm glad I posted here. Got a fresh perspective to look at things. I'm here to enjoy my life. I don't need to feel sorry for going after things I want especially not because of hypothetical guilt. Especially when making myself happy will probably make the other person happy as well.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]prettylatebloomer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What you said to me kinda stuck with me. Maybe I have just been a giant pussy. I dunno. I just suggested I may have suffered from a mild depression because when I saw a psychologist in high school, he noticed signs of depression and prescribed me anti-depressants that I never took. I'm not looking for a pity party though. I've had so much given to me that I haven't been taking advantage of, and I haven't been able to live much of a truly happy life because of it. Yeah, I can see why outsiders can get angry with me or act hostile, because honestly, I've been wasting a lot of potential. I dunno. Life is unfair but we've each got the power to create our own happiness. Life's good man, sorry if my post rubbed you the wrong way, I can see that it does look kinda whiny. My b, best wishes to you bud, take it easy man.

[–]Johnny10toes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Models is a book that's suggested to guys like you.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

To summarize: you're 23, inexperienced, formerly depressed, and you have 2 prospects that you're woking on.

What to do? Proceed with both of them, best case scenario they become 2 plates that you can spin.

[–]prettylatebloomer[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You know what, this would be the right way to approach it. I need to learn to put my own happiness before others. I'm still a recovering 'nice guy' though so I'm not sure if I could pull off something like spinning plates yet but I'm finally learning how to enjoy my life. It's gonna be a process and I think I need to start out with baby steps but I finally actually feel good about my life and the future.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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