~ archived since 2018 ~

Dealing with it all again

June 5, 2020
5 upvotes

Well, I thought I was there. I was 28, had awesome body, tattoos in the right places, and right attitude. Met a sexy little 19 yr old college virgin. Played it all right and it led to a 4 year relationship... but through that time, I gave too much and recieved too little, until it happened.

Now, I didnt lose myself... I'm still heavily muscled and looking good... I'm still carded at 32 and most people still think it's a fake, hell, this woman herself thought I was younger than her when we met. And she certainly hasn't traded up. I'd call myself a 7... an 8 if I were taller or had more money, and possibly a 9 if I had both... but she was a 6 when I met her, but over the past few years... she put on a tonne of weight, gave herself a buzz cut against my wishes, stopped wearing make up, and just got whiney ALL THE FUCKING TIME. So I know for a fact she hasn't found the sort of guy that she could have attracted 4 years ago, she looks like a chubby dude now.

So why the fuck does it hurt? I stupidly felt like if I gave her a little more attention she'd put in a little more effort to impress me. She didn't and I myself began to resent her for it, and myself.

So I dont really understand my anger and sadness right now... tbh, I was no longer even attracted to her... guess I sort of kept trying to see her how she looked years ago; and I certainly did not like having to constantly put her in her place. I don't really know why I am so angry and upset if this is really what I had been hoping for for sometime now....

No work atm, laid off through pandemic, unmotivated, sick to my stomache and in a house alone with NOTHING to do and NOWHERE to go...

Any answers, brothers?

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Post Information
Title Dealing with it all again
Author LunarTears0
Upvotes 5
Comments 7
Date June 5, 2020 10:18 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/dealing-with-it-all-again.671818
https://theredarchive.com/post/671818
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gxeemp/dealing_with_it_all_again/
Comments

[–]agoodcrayon4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do something unusual. Do something new, something you normally won’t do.

Enjoy this season as it won’t last forever.

Forgive her. Forgive yourself. Understand this is life and things like this happen. Now that it’s stung you, expect it next time you have a girl but make sure you’re better than you were yesterday.

I apologized to my ex and apologized to myself. It felt so much better and helped me move on. I took the responsibility for my actions and held myself accountable.

Do the uncomfortable. Execute precisely. Become your own mental point of origin. Girls will come and go no matter how much you love them or how much effort you believe you’re putting into the relationship.

Know that you are the shit. If you’re not the shit, become it.

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]agoodcrayon2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No amount of hobbies or activities will help you though. It’s an internal emotion men normally have an issue dealing with.

You’ve gotta look internally and ask yourself the right questions. Surely, you’ll get the right answers.

Why did this happen? Why do I feel this way? Am I sad? Am I angry? Why do I feel such a way? Is me ego hurt? Could I have saved this?

Ultimately, the answers will come to “it is what it is.” And that’s a good conclusion, in my opinion. It’s enough to move forward.

Don’t doubt forgiveness though. Forgiving someone or yourself will bring you peace. It’ll humble you. We think oh this person did that I’ll never forgive them and then that same thought just eats us up for days and weeks while the other person is completely fine.

Don’t do that to yourself. Heal up and keep moving forward. Learn how to use the light switch effect.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]agoodcrayon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right? Lmao that’s what I thought when I came across it. It’s like I gained some wisdom I never knew before and it’s held its weight since.

I went through what you’re going through, within 2 days of this realization, I was completely fine.

There was no rage or combatting the reality of it. I was alright.

Good luck man. You’re welcome.

[–]GraphiteIsInPencils2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Familiarity breeds contempt. She obviously got too comfortable and didnt value the relationship that much anymore. She let herself go because she knew she could.

Theres probably nothing you could have done. Almost every young relationship has its expiration date. Like you said the only mistake you made was not leaving her sooner.

Good news is shes an ugly troll now so you'll be able to move on fast. The hard breakups are when shes hot or even worse got hotter.

[–]Gtrplyr38380 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She was 19.....there are so many changes between late teens- early 20s and mid twenties. A lot of maturing occurs and they can change. If you are looking for longer term, you should focus on mid-twenties and older.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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