Did my first cold approach and ...

2030isCloserThan2003 · 2020-01-05T18:55:17+00:00

Your cold approach was better than most, don’t stress too much about it.

You shouldn’t care what your brother says bc only you had the balls to go up & talk to them. It’s easy to judge when you’re standing back.

big_ass_package · 2020-01-05T19:10:17+00:00

Read the book of pook. Always approach. Do it until you are comfortable with any outcome. Who cares what happens? Half of the population has a wet hole

__TheDon__ · 2020-01-05T19:32:03+00:00

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failed_singingcareer · 2020-01-05T21:52:45+00:00

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marshll47 · 2020-01-05T18:54:46+00:00

Sounds like you guys just waited too long and psyched yourselves out. It is as with most things that cause anxiety: You get a new job, on the first day you're anxious. Why are you anxious? You're questioning yourself; "what if I cant to the job?" "What if I make a fool of myself?" You simply dont have the experience to back up your confidence. At a job you do your best and in a few weeks you learn the basic ins and outs of your new position. The more you do it the more comfortable you feel. It becomes part of the job so to speak.

This is a step in the right direction, keep it up, learn and improve.

PeautyBrinciple · 2020-01-05T18:40:29+00:00

Better to approach alone then call your wing over if things are going well. Sounds like the girls were young so don't sweat it.

MasculineRP · 2020-01-05T20:01:27+00:00

You did fine, and you dealt with the "I have a boyfriend" shit test extremely well.

convictedfeline · 2020-01-05T19:27:38+00:00

Honestly, “so do I” is fucking hilarious. Said the right way it would come off super confident and funny, and a way to continue talking to them. I’m stealing that, thanks bud

RelucBeam · 2020-01-05T20:08:12+00:00

Bro, you'll look back at events like this and laugh.

I recommend you use your 'autist' personality as your strength. If she says she has a bf....then you look around confused with a smirk and say "where is he, I don't see him".

Anyway don't even worry. Fuck them.

Enjoy the journey.

intl_plyrs_clb · 2020-01-05T22:24:26+00:00

yet I said „me too

This is a God Tier response actually. Next time just work on the delivery. Be calm, casual and drop a shit eating grin.

Other responses to "I have a boyfriend" that have worked for me:

Yeah? So does Elton John.
Oh yeah, is he cute?
That's a you problem

It's all in the delivery and your attitude.

Don't worry about falling flat on your face, I'm sure we all have stories of approaches gone wrong. Worst on from me is where I could see the woman scanning me up and down, deciding I wasn't worth her time and she just walked away without a word. Shit happens.

Red_Pill_Brotherhood · 2020-01-05T19:14:25+00:00

Hahaha this was actually a good approach with what you said. With experience you'll get more confidence and you'll "own it" more in terms of what you're saying.

We often forget that rejection is often because the women are insecure or aren't in the right headspace. And it's a numbers game.

Keep on approaching. After about 100 approaches this shit will be pretty easy.

AnneStaz · 2020-01-05T18:43:48+00:00

Your response is actually fucking great man

muricanwerewolf1 · 2020-01-05T22:03:09+00:00

Any result out of your first approach is good, because really the goal is just to get it over with and prove to yourself no matter what happens, you won’t die. So good work OP.

So, some notes. Remember to smile. Always be smiling. It can be a big smile, or it can be a “somebody just told me something I found moderately amusing” smirk but have a pleasant expression on your face.

If you’re doing this with a buddy, make bets on how long you can stay in, or what the girl is going to say. Make it FUN damn it. This will put your mind at ease, you’re not trying to pick up girls anymore (scary!) you’re now playing a game.

“We have a boyfriend” was a classic shit test out of the gate. What you said isn’t terrible in that at least you didn’t freeze up, but I’m sure you didn’t deliver it with the confidence to make it work. I probably would have asked “you both have the same boyfriend?” it would probably make them laugh, it puts the one who spoke on the back foot a little bit because she was unclear, and it bypasses the shit test. If she doubled down and corrected herself (and for future reference) some good canned responses are “and how long have you had that problem?” (Todd V) or “yeah, I’ve got a dog but I left him at home too” (myself).

If you are running with a wingmate, only one of you should approach at a time. One it’ll just make you better because you’re approaching alone, and it’s just a little less awkward, especially if one of you is more likely to hang back and say nothing, which is weird.

But hey, good work, it gets easier, have fun.

Gordon-G · 2020-01-05T20:17:21+00:00

https://youtu.be/XsZHiLgwquY

AMS will help you

Nergaal · 2020-01-05T21:57:50+00:00

yet I said „me too“

Next time say:

so does my girlfriend, I see no issues to continue this over a coffee

tobyeatsfatkids · 2020-01-05T22:25:40+00:00

"me too"

im stealing that lmao thats good shit

pizza_on_ranch · 2020-01-05T22:44:25+00:00

Don’t worry about it m8 but I literally thought of the funniest response. I would’ve said y’all share one?

Hubblenobbin · 2020-01-05T22:23:39+00:00

You can actually turn rejections into fuel. Say these three things immediately after: "Who the fuck has the balls to do that?" "That approach was 1000/10" What was funny about it?

With each rejection you feel less social pressure. So rejections are a shortcut to confidence if you frame them right.

2020-01-06T01:10:25+00:00

You did fantastic and your response was pretty good too. Your SMV was perceived as low. Lift, lift, lift, Then lift some more, and try again.

Casd12 · 2020-01-05T22:25:11+00:00

Don't sweat it. What happens to you literally happens to every single one of us regularly

Mr_Badass · 2020-01-05T19:35:05+00:00

Approach 50 more times, you're at level 1. The more experience you get the more natural it will become.

paul_ernst · 2020-01-05T20:04:45+00:00

Like what everyone is saying here. You did well. Of course keep going. Welcome to the adventure of a lifetime. After a while you'll see girls like that are just as awkward as you are. They suck in game too and they need a strong guy to see that and to help them through that first phase. The only way to get there is stone cold experience. So keep going.

ARandomAlpaca · 2020-01-05T20:11:51+00:00

Rejection is always better than regret. It’s better to know the path is closed rather than dwell on what could be or what could have been.

rockemsockemlostem · 2020-01-05T22:39:13+00:00

If you throw a rock at a telephone pole, you may miss 99 times, but the hundredth is the one that mattered. The rest was just practice.

DrGandu · 2020-01-06T00:13:09+00:00

See this as a major step forward. Your journey just started. Don’t sweat over the details cause the first step’s overcoming social anxiety. Don’t bother with the details until you get a grip on it first.

Grosse_Messer · 2020-01-06T01:59:57+00:00

I've done tons of more autistic approaches. Seriously, don't beat yourself up. Good on you for going for it especially after waiting and even while feeling nervous.

The first few 100 approaches are always gonna be rough, but you gotta learn somehow.

Ok-Agent · 2020-01-06T12:20:56+00:00

Congratulations. You made your approach in a very difficult situation, actually. There were two girls, your brother watching, and you were still all in the same place afterwards. If you can handle this much pressure, and in your first approach, that's really impressive.

Your nervousness almost certainly showed in your non-verbal communication. That's to be expected in a first approach. It will get much better as you gain more experience, and as you approach in more comfortable environments (where the girl is alone, or where you are more anonymous).

And regardless, no matter how good you are, most women will not be interested anyway. Cold approaching is to a large extent numbers game.

Congrats again and keep it up!

SSolus · 2020-01-06T12:57:14+00:00

Congrats man! you did a great job, keep it up

SSolus · 2020-01-06T12:57:24+00:00

Congrats man! you did a great job, keep it up

XXXMersenne · 2020-01-06T13:01:16+00:00

Law of state trasnference: if you approach like a loser because you feel like a creep the girl's mirror neurons will absorb that causing her to register you as a threat.

Ideally you want to already be in a light, free, fun vibe: bantering with those around you, relaxed mind, then you can open effortlessly from there rather than putting it on every time like an act. The first 'method' will have you wanting to open cus you have surplus energy to share, the second is a tighrope act you won't be able to maintain very long hence your anxiety going 'to the roof'.

HumanSockPuppet · 2020-01-06T15:06:58+00:00

Them: "We have a boyfriend."

You (with a shit-eating grin): "What, the same one? Well, then this upgrade opportunity is for the both of you."

Don_Draper27 · 2020-01-06T16:45:41+00:00

I'm not an expert on cold approaching but I've done my fair share. I've been to concerts by myself and approached random people. I've had rejections but mostly successes by following some guidelines.

• Until you gain more experience and confidence, don't be so straight up on your first line. Chad's get hit with the same situation all the time. The only difference is that they actually dgaf and genuinely believe that it's the girls loss. IMO the best strategy is to first build comfort / trust and then work on attraction. A decent opening line could've been, "I've never seen you girls here before. Is this your first time?".

• I personally never really spit bold game in front of my friends. I admit I have a fear of being harshly rejected in front of my buddies so I'll approach solo and if the interaction doesn't go well all I have to do is go back to my group and say, "There wasn't anything there."

• Generally my mindset for approaching is, "My chances of sleeping with this girl are zero if I don't talk to her." / "If I don't approach this girl, I'm going to be wondering all day what could've happened if I had just talked to her"

• If you get rejected, the girl has actually done you a favor by telling you that she's not the girl who would be "fuck yes" about you. Ideally, long term, you would want a few girlfriends who were "fuck yes" about you, right? Girls who are excited to please you and clear their schedules for you, right? Now, do you think the types of girlfriends you want to have would turn your back to you and laugh at you when you approach them? NO! So be glad that you only invested 60 seconds of your life for this approach. Some men go years orbiting a HB5 with nothing to show for it.

• Lastly, you HAVE to know how to handle shit tests. Read the sidebar and take notes. Practice handling them. Ask yourself how your ideal healthy male role model would handle this situation.

RodDiddy · 2020-01-26T00:02:56+00:00

Good for you. You did fine. Tell your brother he gon haf to step his game up, or your cutting him loose, and he can hunt or not hunt on his own. Not only not contributing, but also pushing negative energy and sandbagging the operation.

Here's the main reason why you win, and never forget this....you will never spend a night laying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking, 'what if?", you will never her say 20yrs later when shes fat with 3 kids saying she would have screwed you if you asked. And that my friend is the upside of failure after trying. Many other comments in here are also good reasons...handling rejection, practicing lines, etc. You did fine. Keep your head up, playa.

hoopingblob · 2020-01-05T23:30:48+00:00

"we have a boyfriend"

"You either share one or I have to get my dictionary and slap you on the head"

Or

"Did he pay for both of you or just for the better looking one?"

WarDiaz209 · 2020-01-05T20:03:40+00:00

You took action andfaced your fears and that's what counts man, keep doing this and it'll become less and less scary everytime and you'll improve each and every time too.

rockyp32 · 2020-01-05T22:56:10+00:00

Now imagine if u did that approach with 100% confidence. That’ll happen if u keep doing it

oldslut · 2020-01-05T23:26:55+00:00

„We have a boyfriend“

don't worry, i'm not jealous

or just ignore and continue to talk to them. either way, you did well. don't listen to your bro.

__TheDon__ · 2020-01-05T23:39:52+00:00

The rush feels great regardless of the outcome. You have to be outcome independent. Have fun with it, and don’t think too much. In regards to your brother, don’t pay too much attention to his comments. He was too much of a pussy to approach, so why take his opinion seriously?

Remember, rejection is better than regret. Onto the next...

TominatorXX · 2020-01-06T03:51:07+00:00

Look on the bright side. The next one will be better. And the one after that better again. And so on.

MikeOTren · 2020-04-17T14:45:20+00:00

This is normal. Every guy who says I won't be a pussy anymore and start approach girls I loke goes through this. That's why back in the day PUA told you to approach 100 girls, so rhat you get rid of your anxiety and starts to become normal for you. Always remeber this rejecrion is betten than regret.

Btw your brother is beta af. Cause normally when two guys are out there push each other to talk to girls. I mean that he even has the odacity to criticise your approach.. You should have smacked him. A real brother/friend would tell you "great job man that you had the balls to do this. Let's do it again.".

2020-01-05T19:09:10+00:00

Ever think they were looking over and laughing due to your physical appearance? Sorry but hard truth

jackandjill22 · 2020-01-07T18:58:39+00:00

Title	Did my first cold approach and ...
Author	silvereddi
Upvotes	219
Comments	75
Date	January 5, 2020 6:37 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ekgzb0/did_my_first_cold_approach_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/did-my-first-cold-approach-and.304241 https://theredarchive.com/post/304241