Do I date single mothers if I am a single father? making concessions.

May 21, 2017
2 upvotes

Single father here, looking for advice on how to deal with single mothers in the dating game.

I currently meet mostly single mothers in my line of work. ( I work at a nightclub and many of the women work here as they can't do a regular 9-5 as single moms) and as much as of a GIANT FUCKING RED FLAG both of these things are I still need to ask the question.

Being a single dad is a huge kick in the SMV balls. My single guy friends think that just because my 2 year old is cute that it means girls want to get involved with me.

They don't. They think kids are cute but that doesn't mean they want a part in taking care of someone's spawn.

However, when it comes to single mothers, this is a HUGE bonus (who would have thought). They see me like I'm some kind of Mother Theresa because I take care of my kid and mom walked out. I can plate single moms much easier and the sex is also much more consistent.

When it comes to single chicks with no kids, I can usually plate for a little while but they disappear as my availability is sporadic and I prioritize my daughter above anything else. Single moms want to stick around longer, spend quality time together, and even have playdates with their kids. I can't deny that I also feel like I can relate to them more given the situation we are both in.

I don't ever plan on co-habitating, and marraige is completely out of the question.

Please rip into this and poke holes in my logic. Thanks guys!

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Post Information
Title Do I date single mothers if I am a single father? making concessions.
Author mycrazyme
Upvotes 2
Comments 16
Date May 21, 2017 9:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/do-i-date-single-mothers-if-i-am-a-single-father.91463
https://theredarchive.com/post/91463
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6cj0cd/do_i_date_single_mothers_if_i_am_a_single_father/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Only for sex. Their man left for a reason.

[–]DiggerClam0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sure, you can have a MLTR with a single mother, just wrap it up.

[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't need to make that concession. What's impaired in you is your BB value, not your AF value. The same logic that applies to everyone else also fits you:

  • You shouldn't be putting BB traits on your greeting card;
  • Women that seek BB traits offer bad deals, you should be avoiding them;
  • She is the judge of whether you still have enough BB potential left for an LTR. Not you. IF you want a LTR, a plate that you spin long enough and meet often enough will try to betafy you and will already be aware of your kid. She makes this decision, it's not your job to make it for her.

"Honesty" doesn't require you scream to her "I lack BB potential because I have a son". She is a woman and her standard thinking is assuming that you work as a woman, she assumes your child comes first and she knows what that means. If you're doing that, you're causing her to think your relationship to your child is "more invested" than one of a regular healthy woman, borderline sick.
We insist so much in warning guys about single women here because everything works against them. They think they work as men, society tells them single moms are great, and single moms are love bombing and needy as fuck, it blows their egos.

Anyway, just look at how a healthy single mother should work:
Herself>Kid>Work>You.
If this is enough for you... Well, your call. But most of them are like this:
Kid>Work>Herself>lots of shit>you.
You should stay miles away from these ones.

[–]boundarychimps[🍰] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Why is it a concession?

What do you want, as opposed to what you've been told to want?

much as of a GIANT FUCKING RED FLAG both of these things are

What makes them red flags, and is that something you care about? For example, not being able to hold a daytime job because she's irresponsible is very different from not being able to hold one because she has more important responsibilities.

However, when it comes to single mothers, this is a HUGE bonus (who would have thought).

So it's actually a boost to your SMV with them.

Single moms want to stick around longer, spend quality time together, and even have playdates with their kids.

Are these things that you want?

I can't deny that I also feel like I can relate to them more given the situation we are both in.

Sounds like a plus to me.

I don't ever plan on co-habitating, and marraige is completely out of the question.

The... polite thing to do would probably be to make sure she knows this up front. In case that "quality time" bit is a hint about wanting to move in that direction.

[–]mycrazyme[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Since I started following TRP after my divorce my life has improved substantially. I relate with much of the advice on here, and I try to use the sidebar as a way of keeping myself out of trouble and to continue to learn and better myself as a man.

I have a tendency to fall back into BP mindset especially when I start finding myself enjoying somebody's company too much.

Doing everything that "I" want to do has gotten me into trouble before, and I've been better off avoiding certain situations even if I "feel" like I want to get involved. Discipline is something I am still working on. I don't want to "play it safe" all the time, but dating broken women pretending to be unicorns isn't a good idea especially when it involves my son and my time.

The reason I ask the question is because it seems like a golden rule on TRP to not date or LTR single moms in any circumstance whatsoever.

[–]boundarychimps[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've been better off avoiding certain situations even if I "feel" like I want to get involved. Discipline is something I am still working on.

Given that, I'd say the things you noted (stick around longer, like quality time, you can relate to them better) sound like BIG RED FLAGS for you. These things are probably also the flip side of them being easier to plate and the sex being more consistent.

The reason I ask the question is because it seems like a golden rule on TRP to not date or LTR single moms in any circumstance whatsoever.

I think at least part of the reason behind the usual rule against single moms here, is that they have a different and incompatible lifestyle to single guys who just care about getting laid. As you've noted, your being a single dad means your lifestyle and priorities are closer to theirs. Which means the usual reasons don't entirely apply.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

You're giving horrible advice. Single moms are plate only material.

[–]boundarychimps[🍰] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Single moms are plate only material.

Sure, but why?

The reasons seem to be mostly (1) kids that aren't yours are dangerous to live with; (2) her priority is her kids rather than you; and (3) being a single parent implies a history of bad decisions.

But, (1) doesn't apply if he's not looking to cohabitate; (2) sounds like something he agrees with; and (3) seems a bit questionable to me, more of a yellow flag than a red flag.

[–]LordThunderbolt0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Her priorities are her kids, their dad, herself, then you. They're not LTR material.

[–]RPBulletDodger0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

They're not LTR material.

Correct.

But her actual priorities are (in order):

Herself

Drama

Social media

Friends

Shopping

Kids

Job

Pets

Miscellaneous

Kid's Dad

You

[–]LordThunderbolt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nit speifically like that, it varies from person to person. But whats important to know is that you will never be a priority.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Once kids are involved, whether yours or hers, you will never be the priority.

[–]mountainbiker1780 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

(1) kids that aren't yours are dangerous to live with

Would someone expand on this or direct me to more reading?

[–]boardrider730 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

In the same position as you and having the EXACT same issues. I have my son 5days/week. Lots of good single mothers out there who are dying for a good chad in their life. If your not going to cohabitate or be a BB for them I fail to see any major downside.

[–]mycrazyme[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Big downside is getting one of them pregnant. I do what I can to prevent this but they all have the same end game. They are always putting on constant pressure for the "next step". The problem with mine is that she fucks my brains out and blows me so often that I don't pick up on it.

[–]boardrider730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Get snipped man. Best decision I ever made.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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