Long-ish post, if only because I'm half awake.

I blew a chance some time ago and really have no idea how things stand.

There's a girl who's getting involved with some events in my area. I started messaging her about planning, as she's been trying to help organize, but since I apparently "tell the best jokes" our chats went elsewhere.

We arrange a date, a few hours before her evening classes. I show up 11 minutes late and we run out to a nice place for lunch where we joke about people we know, gossip, some stuff about her exes, what have you, and when the waiter comes with the bill she slaps down her card as I'm reaching for my back pocket.

We still have maybe 2 hours left by now. She suggests we make an errand I'd needed to run later that day and we do, which leaves a lot of time for those randomly structured car chats. She tells me about her self and I mostly just listen, stuff about her family and travel and summer jobs and what not, our mutual Facebook friends.

"You know [name]?"

"Yeah...I fucked one of her friends."

"I know some of us (from a group of people we brought up earlier) had been with her, not saying who c:", suggesting I was one of them.

So we get back to her dorm. We talk more before getting out of the car and I remember joking about how you shouldn't get married before we walk up. It's a nice place inside. No TV, the roommate's out for a bit, and there's a couch against the back wall. I sit a few feet apart from her. She's on her phone, texting a guy about how he's seriously fucked up planning an event (Christmas parades aren't conducive to downtown schindigs) and I'm a little intrigued. I move closer. But apparently she's hooked on coordinating this thing because even as we talk about whatever else she keeps trying to work with this guy. And accomplishes nothing.

But why just sit on a couch? She moves one leg over the arm. She leans back a little bit. She puts the other leg over. Her head's next to my lap, and I'm still leaned over to read the chat; her head's under mine. I play with her hair a little, as best I can without knowing what I'm doing, but she's still chatting this guy up over logistics, accomplishing nothing, going nowhere. Yet she doesn't react negatively to my hand.

And the clock is ticking. We came in around 2, she has class at 3 and still needs to prepare, I'm gonna be kicked out any minute. I don't have time to escalate! And how am I here this late? Oops, it's 2:40, byyee!

She hugs me and shows me the door. And I drive off, fucking stoked that I made it that far. There'll be more!

We text that evening:

Her: "Were you trying to hit on me? I was trying to figure that out."

Me: "Well, you almost had your head in my lap."

Her: "Yea, I wasn't sure what the deal was haha and I'm not really looking for anything right now either"

Me: "Felt awkward af with the time constraints"

Her: "Yeah haha I'm just kinda looking for friends though"

Me: "Waiting for the right one? Haha"

Her: "Yessss"

Me: trying to play it cool "Got anything in mind?" [Schmittywurbenjaegermannjensen meme, if anyone here remembers Spongebob. "He was number one!"]

This is followed by me making no attempt to start conversation in the weeks since and a few instances of her bringing up updates on events and current drama between her and some people I know, as well as her liking one of my Instagram posts.

BUT. In a few days I'm going to be performing live music at an event she's involved with. Nothing of my own, just covers, but I'll be the center of attention for a half hour and one of the main draws. I think, if I made an error in not escalating, I could recover, or if I didn't, I could further things along. But I'm not sure where I'm at. I'm 20 years old, 9th grade's 5 years in the past and girls my age aren't as obvious as they once were. And I'm really not used to the whole her being on her phone thing.

How am I doing?