Gf said she will propose today.

Subutai_Baghatur · 2020-10-30T09:18:20+00:00

Now, I have been telling her since the beginning of the relationship, that I am not looking for marriage because I don't like the idea and because I don't want to give half of my shit away.

This isn’t the best explanation for women. Because of their solipsism and how they never have the concern of losing half of their shit, they just won’t accept this explanation as a valid reason against marriage.

She confirmed that she is fine with it but she would like to marry. To which I replied, that it's okay if you want to marry but it's not gonna be me, you are free to leave the relationship if you it's a deal breaker for you.

This is fine.

So as the convo went on with her yesterday, we have been going a little back and forth and I told her that if she is going to propose to me, I will decline, even if it's in front of my mom or in public. She said she still wants to do it, to which I replied: "Well, I warned you, the rest is on you"

After the convo, she tried to hold back her tears and pretended that everything is fine. I told her: "Look, I still love you and appreciate you. Idk what the future brings to this relationship but I know that I would be happy if you were in it"

Adding what you told her in the second paragraph, in to the first, would have made your rejection and reaffirmation of your point easier to take.

What should I do now and how did handle the situation? Is there something I can do better in the future?

Now you just stick to your guns and if the conversation comes up again you just repeat what you have already said. There’s nothing else that you need to do.

learning0007 · 2020-10-30T12:06:21+00:00

From reading your responses, sounds like you've got it all figured out, why did you even ask.

jjj2576 · 2020-10-30T14:19:15+00:00

It’s weird for me to read this post (You seem like you have your shit together).

And then I read your post history (You don’t have your shit together).

Is this the same lass you got pregnant? Whatever happened with that kid? I think that background info would explain a lot here.

Whisper · 2020-10-30T16:49:28+00:00

You handled this well. Gentle but firm.

It's now up to her to decide which is more important to her: being with you, or having a wedding ring.

Grave_Heresy · 2020-10-30T18:25:41+00:00

She confirmed that she is fine with it but she would like to marry. To which I replied, that it's okay if you want to marry but it's not gonna be me, you are free to leave the relationship if you it's a deal breaker for you.

You sir are the f_cking man. The reality is that the sweet loving girl you marry is NOT the woman that you end up married to.

Unless you want to be one of those henpecked husbands from sitcoms

throwitdownman · 2020-10-30T15:48:38+00:00

It’s almost a given most women want a marriage. Remember, they haven’t dissolved the pill. Every girl dreams of white picket fences, beautiful wedding, and most importantly, picking out their dress. It’s literally every girl’s fantasy.

I personally have found it difficult to address this topic. Even with the staunchest frame, women always ‘want’ the wedding. It feels like a ‘grander’ issue than something like ‘no LTR of mine will do x’.

I haven’t yet found a girl who was truly willing to live together, raise kids, be a family WITHOUT the, in my eyes, meaningless wedding certificate.

sandal_on · 2020-10-31T00:54:57+00:00

If all those commentators including the seniors, if it was about their daughter, they'd throw out all their rhetoric and tell you harsh words.

Look, I'm not going to even bother with dudes like your type who use LTR with compensational beta tactics to make up for your lack of raw sexual attractive value, which is what the majority do here since they have to dangle the beta carrot for women. It's not smart, it's not remotely self respecting and it's pathetic to hide fundamental weakness.

Either you make it crystal clear what you want from her, i.e that you are only using her for your convenience with zero regard for her desires and wants, or you keep behaving like an insecure boy who doesn't know what he is doing, and another man who got things under control and planned out will come swooping her from her feet, because unlike you, he knows what he wants and isn't insecure in her eyes.

So either you drop her and start working on actual raw sexual value or you keep leading her on to compensate for your laziness, like almost every one here.

WHATTHEDECKK · 2020-10-30T15:10:17+00:00

Have sex

learning0007 · 2020-10-30T15:07:05+00:00

You both sound very needy and codependent

rpbb9999 · 2020-10-30T09:32:50+00:00

You can next her, so she can find someone to marry

hoopingblob · 2020-10-30T14:29:10+00:00

[deleted]

whiteindia · 2020-10-30T17:21:51+00:00

Usual emotional girl shit. You’ve been with her for 2 years and this shocks you?

chazthundergut · 2020-10-30T18:53:19+00:00

I like how you handled it.

Every relationship has its season

sportsdude523 · 2020-10-30T23:56:42+00:00

well if you wanna be with the girl then i suggest being more detailed to her. what are your exact long term visions?

it sounds like you don't want to marry in the technical legally bound sense. but want to be married in every other way except officially on a government document so you can avoid any legal troubles if they come. is that so?

maybe a good compromise you both can discuss is have a proposal and wedding one day and live with eachother if you both are right for eachother, but never formalize marriage with the government.

flapjacksrbetter · 2020-10-31T00:05:08+00:00

what if you guys have the wedding ceremony and everything but don't get married officially by the state?

ppvknifefight · 2020-10-30T15:42:03+00:00

Blah blah blah. Just pull the plug already.

benhurensohn · 2020-10-30T11:14:28+00:00

What's your and her educational background? I cannot imagine a sane relationship where one person keeps saying they will propose before they actually propose. Isn't the whole proposal thing supposed to be a surprise?

I think the fact that she is pulling this off tells me she is borderline insane. Unfortunately, the fact that you think that is normal makes me think you are mentally challenged too. It's definitely not normal behavior

__TheDon__ · 2020-10-30T14:45:25+00:00

Why are you in an LTR if you have no intention of getting married? What’s the point? Why not continue spinning plates

Title	Gf said she will propose today.
Author	hoopingblob
Upvotes	32
Comments	61
Date	October 30, 2020 8:38 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/jkt2fh/gf_said_she_will_propose_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/gf-said-she-will-propose-today.327408 https://theredarchive.com/post/327408