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Girl starts to resent dominance

July 24, 2014

I have this girl who I'm dating which is a good LTR material who I've been pushing to do some very mild kinky stuff just for a start. She's a quite conservative non American girl. After resorting to some emotional tricks she complied to my request but a couple of days later she started to shit test me saying I'm too much of a selfish guy and she doesn't like it. She tried to argue for two times. First I agreed and amplified and it was over. The second time I kind of dismissed joking around and making it not a big deal the exchange lasted longer than it should. She even called me out saying I emotionally blackmailed her. She's smart. This is the first time I find a girl who hold her stance so firmly. I know most important is to hold my frame and roll on. I'm looking for options of what to do next, specially if I have the filling to be close to the breaking up deal.

On the side, how reward the girl after she complies if you had to work to convince her and you know that for the next time you'll have to work this out again?

Edit: clarity.

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Post Information
Title Girl starts to resent dominance
Author ImCheshire
Upvotes 5
Comments 23
Date July 24, 2014 7:03 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/girl-starts-to-resent-dominance.140910
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2bmc2j/girl_starts_to_resent_dominance/

[–]Strangeclouds4208 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Hopefully you're making sure she's sexually satisfied. If not, then what she's saying is exactly that. She's doing the kinky stuff you want to do but not getting what she perceives as equal or more value back as a result.

Being successfully accepted as dominant involves the one being dominated feeling like the dom has the best interests of both in mind.

If you know what her favorite things are sexually then I would suggest rewarding her with that when she tries out your idea. Preferably in the same session if possible. If you don't know what those things are then I suggest you find out soon before some new dick does.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

She's satisfied with a lot of caressing and romantic stuff which I give plenty on bed and she didn't ask for more. Frequency and orgasms is not a problem. Having the imbalance you mentioned I'm believing that she wants more emotional commitment from my part.

My dilemma now is that rewarding her after she pushed me emotionally will bring bad results in the long run. For now I'm just standing still waiting her to rationalize and accept things the way they are.

[–]Strangeclouds4201 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah at this point I would act like everything is a non-issue until I started getting some additional concrete feedback on the state of affairs.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, thanks. One of the things I learned with women, way after finding TRP:

When in doubt, keep your mouth shut.

[–]RPthrowaway1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good thing to do is watch the how to eat pussy video - some guys think its beta but in my experience if you can do it well she'll be eating out of the palm of your hand.

[–]roparker20141 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Sorry dude but relationship is fucked. You pushed too far, too fast. The fact she is accusing you of emotional blackmail already means its gone too far. Unlike what a lot of idiot on here will tell you, not by any means will ALL girls respond well to TRP, a lot will actively hate it. Sorry but you applied it to the wrong one. Check back here when it's over and let us know I was right, please - I give it a month tops.

[–]2niczar2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are mistaken, it's not Trp that's the problem, it's that relationships needs both alpha and beta behavior.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have got away with worse on that same girl; Life is a cyclical thing, it's funny seeing she saying the same things she said before. She will either break up or submit. Either outcome is acceptable, no one expects to keep a plate forever anyways.

[–]machimus1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Wrong. OP gambled and lost on that play, but he can still recover. No need to throw away a perfectly good girl because HE fucked up in reading her.

Besides, she was right. He was playing mind games with her.

[–]roparker20140 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly.once you're called on that sort of shit its over.if she was willing to let you get away with it,she wouldn't mention it even if she did notice it.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

We're both in mind games now. She didn't replied my message and is probably waiting for an apology which I won't give until I see where I'm stepping. Good thing I'm busy with work and have a trip set up for the weekend.

[–]spoon_fucker2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

emotionally blackmailed her

I shut down shit like this right when it happens. If a girl uses obviously extreme accusations of being victimized, or says something like "that seems rapey" when it's CLEARLY not, I don't let it slide. Maybe your situation wasn't quite as bad, just thought I'd share.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

That's what I did and that's her problem now because I've been spending more time learning and applying trp and she's feeling the heat. I just want to be careful and not overdue it because I want to keep her around until I have more options.

[–]1RedPillington0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I want to keep her around until I have more options.

this is blue pill as fuck. you will not have more options until you stop giving a woman control because you underestimate your value.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm prepared for some compromises but if she calls my bluff she's done.

[–]1RedPillington0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

i mean, it's find to keep her around, but just holding that frame of keeping her around until you have more options is not good for your mental state.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get it. That girl I have before RP so the transition is not going smoothly. My understanding is that my frame with her won't be perfect but that doesn't mean it will affect my interaction with other girls. New girls are taking a hit right away.

[–]machimus0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So really your strategy should be to think of this from her perspective. She sees you wanting to do kinky shit, and she's neither sure about or sees the point, from her current perspective. You essentially tricked her into doing it, so where you stand now is she has a net negative view.

What you need to do, big picture, is get her to feel like she was correct in trusting you with taking a chance.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree, I just have to wait until she opens up again and paint the big picture.

[–]2niczar-1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You need to pull some beta shit so that she wants to stay with you long term. The alpha shit is to have her want to be with you and only you, right now. They're complementary. It's just that men are only taught the beta stuff those days.

In your situation, with an excess of alpha, do some Disney romantic shit and she'll be fine. Fancy date, or buy her some reasonably priced jewelry (not a ring) and tell her "it's so that you remember that you're mine when you wear it."

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sparkling some beta behavior is okay. Buying an apology gift, no, in any circumstance.

[–]2niczar0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wasn't talking about an apology gift, but of a random gift.

[–]ImCheshire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right then. It comes down if I want to keep her as a plate or start a LTR. I don't see myself buying gifts to plates unless it's part of a mixed signals strategy sort of things.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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