Summary

TL;DR: Wanting advice on dealing with men who nuclear shit-test you. I.e. cross you by instantly dialing temper to 125% within the first second of a conflict.

TRP has given me a lot of success dealing with women better, but I'm still lacking a good routine for dealing with men who nuclear shit test me. Tried looking on trp with a lot of search terms, but could only find tangential topics on anger.

Background

Note: my childhood consisted of a perfect safety bubble for 15 years, in the middle of the countryside, 20 miles from the nearest town. Public-schooled at a small town school where I had no academic competition and all the teachers loved me.

When I was a good little beta christian cocksucker (until age 19), I just wilted, bottled the anger up at how their behavior was inappropriate and I wanted to beat the shit out of them, felt depressed, and blamed myself for wanting to hurt them.

I ditched the christian thing for unrelated reasons, and with the help of a psychologist, rebuilt my ego around agnosticism (around age 22 was when I got some positive momentum - degree, job, etc.)

However, I'm now honest with myself; I want to put those bitches in the fucking ground. Note: I don't carry a gun for this reason; I keep a knife, which for me is infinitely harder to fly off the handle in blood-rage. (Live in Texas, if it wasn't obvious)

Current conflict

Now I'm 25. Latest encounter was with a valet boss, shouting and cursing at me through a phone one of his employees is holding, the first second I contest that there is no evidence they have exclusive rights to hoarding a public parking lot. This has had me looking for solutions to this problem for the last two days.

I still wilt, though not as dramatically, and I am able to use anger to motivate for first day. I brood the shit out of how to get revenge, then on the second day get all fucked up mentally when I realize that bitch can use the police and legal system to fuck me over.

I can get fucked over even if I try bribing his employees so I can use the lot without paying the boss bitch. Or even if I try to smack talk him about meeting me in person so I can put two caps in his head or cut his throat and watch his blood run down the gutter, then leave (his employee could still identify me in a threat of violence case), so it isn't worth it.

Barriers

The first barrier is I need to learn how to not let this feeling of being violated mentally and emotionally lead to obsessive and violent thoughts. Is this just something you have to survive enough times to NGAF, like your first 200 approaches to women? Because you'd think engineering college would've done the trick, if that were true.

The depression of feeling helpless before big-beta-bitch-government is my second barrier to handling this situation healthily. Powerlessness is one of the hardest victim-hoods to give up.

Conclusion

I'm aware of most catch-all solutions, but those lose their effectiveness as they get repeated 100 times over two days. Parenthetical explanations given for why they lose effectiveness in these situations.

  • it's not worth it (my forebrain knows that but does not know how to execute it, my caveman hindbrain says "fuck him, his bitch ass is dead"; that internal conflict is precisely what de-rails me)

  • laws of power approach says to let him roll off you (read it)

  • increase your self-value (doing)

  • lift (doing)

  • abandon victim mentality (I would have if I knew how - abuse of power situations are my worst trigger, because they call back my first and second times I rapidly abandoned my worldviews - those first few leave the most trauma, even after you "move past them")

  • seek help (have a counselor, have supportive parents who stopped living in cities when I was 2)

Any manosphere advice on dealing with these nuclear shit tests from men would be greatly appreciated.

Edit: formatting, typo, slightly more explanation

Edit: slight language re-write