(1) There are many issues that I am dealing with but the primary one is that I am thinking with my dick all day. I am literally free all day because my high school is over and the college life won't begin for a few weeks. All I do whole day is think about how I would be banging chicks left and right when I go to college with TRP but in reality, I have no SMV. No money(teens getting a job culture isn't here), no lifting(parents refusing because gyms are high risk zones), not even working out myself at home, no friends(lost touch with all the high school friends). I am not improving myself at all and seem to have made pussy my only goal while I clearly know that I don't have enough SMV to get some which in turn makes me more depressed and pushes me into the incel spectrum.

(2) I think I have a good looking face because some rate me subs gave me between 5-7 out of 10 while 2 femcels(maybe they were) gave me 8/10. But I believe that only the top 20% or even 10% deserve to "enjoy". Like I believe that I should atleast be an 8/10 before I start enjoying life but then again the cycle continues of me not getting my shit together to reach 8.

(3) How do you deal with years of childhood abuse from your parents and family who reminded you daily of how ugly you look and what a loser you are? This abuse started when I was 11 or 12 and they reminded me everyday so it's tough to get rid of it because I have been believing them for the last 5 years. I realised they were lying only after I went to the rate subs but still their remarks are deep down inside of me and I still believe them. My mind hamster spins and says that the people who gave me a good rating were lying only to make me feel happy while in reality I am a 2/10. Thus, I have a low self esteem and don't really love myself. A weird combination of nihilism and part-incel(which I don't wanna be at all costs).