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Help with specific failed prospect; decoding messages and behaviour

September 28, 2015

Decoding behaviour and texts from previous prospect

So i'm new to TRP, been reading it non stop for the last 3 weeks and it's completely cleared my mind and given me hope for the future. Recovering hardcore BB. Last month i met a girl at a bar and after a few weeks of text talking i ended correspondence. Although i've since better understood how badly i fucked up the text chat (or the fact i shouldn't have even talked at all via text), the conversation is my only frame of reference for understand TRP theories in a personal real world context. I'd appreciate some simple clarifications on why the conversation went the way it did, how i fucked up to learn from my mistakes and remove my oneitis. I'm currently in monk mode but still keep entertaining the possibility of meeting her again and need help moving on from it.

Basically i was on tour with my band (perceived high social value to those unfamilliar with the scene) and this was the 5th of a 6 date tour. I was in a major city. Literally talked to her at the bar on a drunken whim, she reciprocated (she had no idea about my band or any scene). We chatted and had a lot of life and personality similarities, we sat down, i bought both of us drinks (losing value). She asked specifically any sexual encounters on tour. I mention the only one (preselection). She mentions she is a virgin and has only performed oral [she's 20, im mid 20's] I offer to buy more drinks (again losing value). Eventually she has to initiate a make out because i'm a pussy. Neither of us stop to further drive anticipation. Place closes so we leave and go to mcdonalds for her because im unfamilliar with the city and can't suggest elsewhere (in her frame). I buy her food (yup, im that guy) while i eat nothing. Eventually she prompts me for my number and we part ways.

Days later i meet her in her city again (i live a few hours away and she is unable to leave her city due to obligations). Literally just a day of walking around (tame date because im a submissive BB in her frame) and i buy everything even when she is uncomfortable by it. I fail to escalate until goodbyes.

So if you thought that was bad, THIS is where it starts to go to shit.

We start chatting a lot more frequently via text, writing essays to each other. I start opening up my emotions and getting comfortable. She tells me to download a tv show and i do (compliance test failure) but i dont actually get around to watching it. Eventually after a few days she mentions she wants to lose her virginity. I initially assume me but then unsure as to whether she means me or someone else (i'm basically unable to go see her for 2 weeks due to work). I confront the ambiguity with a joke and she responds "i wouldnt mind fuckin u", which to BB me is a victory but i still feel uneasy. I respond like a total BB and say "i'd like to fuck u but when you're ready!; I like you" (ugh). A day later she goes out on a night out and 'exercises her mouth with a guy'. I go radio silence but cave after a day and basically make a joke about her 'party' vibe. She then starts to tell me how she usually makes out with multiple guys on nights out; that night specifically 2, maximum number 5. The whole time i dont get angry or upset but i tease her for her promiscuity, bring up more adult topics shes uncomfortable with and question how she could still be a virgin (as by 'mouth exercising' she means oral sex). She doesn't back down and responds with enthusiasm telling me she 'hopes to find someone and settle down if she finds the right guy that likes her back', etc. Right in the middle of all this, i tell her i want to come see her soon, to see what happens, and she responds to the idea with a small level of enthusiasm, when i was expecting a dismissal or mockery. Eventually, distraught and hopeless i send my closing message.

Basically all i want clarification on is, what was she trying to achieve when she was telling me about all these other guys she was getting with/has gotten with at that point in the conversation? Was it humiliation? or her looking for something? I'm aware most people will look at this thread with 'jesus seriously?', but i'm very inexperienced for my age and would appreciate specific clarification on my one recent experience.

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Post Information
Title Help with specific failed prospect; decoding messages and behaviour
Author empatheticapathetic
Upvotes 6
Comments 3
Date September 28, 2015 10:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/help-with-specific-failed-prospect-decoding.154460
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3mrd91/help_with_specific_failed_prospect_decoding/
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