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How do I not ruin my metamorphosis phase of self improvement?

September 18, 2020
4 upvotes

Whenever I undertake a journey of self improvement whether in terms of academics or fitness or nofap or anything, after doing any session, during my free time I start thinking and imagining. I imagine what would happen if I reached my goal. What would happen when I try to approach a 9/10 or an 8/10 and my mind says "Not possible". I imagine what would be the reaction of others when I will achieve my goal.

You see, I keep doing mental masturbation and divert all my energy to my brain and waste it into making these scenarios as real as possible. Due to this, I become tired and de-motivated to do the self-improvement and slip into an incel like mindset and self destructive tendencies like porn and fapping. I can't go without it for more than 2 days.

I know many people here advocate fapping without porn but my mind says "It's just once in 2 days, so might as well do it with porn."

I remember about 3 years ago when I was about 14, I had a test within 3 days and I completed 14 chapters of the syllabus in those 3 days simply because the teacher and a classmate had insulted me. I wanted to prove that teacher wrong while for the classmate, I wanted to increase the gap between his overall percentage and mine. I ended up getting 96/100.

During those 3 days, my mind couldn't think of anything else other than studying! Also, I never got tired of studying. I was always looking forward to the next chapter, the next exercise, the next question.

THERE WAS NO ENERGY WASTING WITH MENTAL MASTURBATION. The thought of what would happen if I achieved it never came across my mind.

How do I get into this state back again instead of going again and again in an incel like cycle?

Obligatory: I am 17, turning 18 soon and within 1 week my high school will be over and my college will start within a few weeks(or 2 months). During this phase, I want to slaaaaaaay, slay af. I don't want money although I don't mind it. I know pussy shouldn't be the goal but I don't have anything other than that. Before TRP, I wanted to prevent the decline but after TRP, I am trying to enjoy it and pussy is the only way I know of enjoying it. I have over 300+ Reddit posts saved and about 110 YouTube videos downloaded offline on becoming physically attractive, NoFap and getting a more handsome face. But I am nervous about what would happen if I achieve it. I still think I would show beta tendencies in front of an 8/10 because I will always consider her above myself as she will always have a higher value male than me ready to be with her so she has so many options.

It's almost like, I am afraid of my true potential or my best version and that's why my brain uses mental masturbation as a mechanism to prevent myself from becoming my best version.

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Post Information
Title How do I not ruin my metamorphosis phase of self improvement?
Author WorkUnderProgress
Upvotes 4
Comments 9
Date September 18, 2020 8:52 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-not-ruin-my-metamorphosis-phase-of-self.218260
https://theredarchive.com/post/218260
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ivecks/how_do_i_not_ruin_my_metamorphosis_phase_of_self/
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Comments

[–]Unlikely_Composer5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I was gonna go line by line and analyse all of this for you, but the final paragraph is all you need.

Obligatory: I am 17, turning 18 soon and within 1 week my high school will be over and my college will start within a few weeks(or 2 months). During this phase, I want to slaaaaaaay, slay af.

Honestly buddy, that's perfectly fine for an 18 year old. Enjoy yourself, just make sure your life doesn't become about pussy.

Before TRP, I wanted to prevent the decline but after TRP, I am trying to enjoy it and pussy is the only way I know of enjoying it.

I think this is probably because you haven't experienced real fulfilment. This is okay, you're only 18. Take some time to experience more stuff.

I have over 300+ Reddit posts saved and about 110 YouTube videos downloaded offline on becoming physically attractive, NoFap and getting a more handsome face. But I am nervous about what would happen if I achieve it.

THIS is the key part. Let's look at this in more detail.

But I am nervous about what would happen if I achieve it.

I don't think this is it. I think a large part of you doesn't want to achieve it because it's comfortable for you to be able to blame something for what you see as a lack of success.

I think the reason you feel this way is that you don't actually think any of it is going to work, because you have a fundamentally low perception of yourself.

Therefore, you find it easier to save countless posts and videos because then you're "doing something about it" and that means you can feel good briefly.

This is why women can't be your goal. You should want to get jacked because it's difficult. It's character building.

It's okay to get some validation from women and whoever else, but you have to stand upon a strong sense of value which comes from within. You create this value by doing difficult things and achieving goals.

I still think I would show beta tendencies in front of an 8/10 because I will always consider her above myself as she will always have a higher value male than me ready to be with her so she has so many options.

See above: You don't think it'll work.

It's almost like, I am afraid of my true potential or my best version and that's why my brain uses mental masturbation as a mechanism to prevent myself from becoming my best version.

Again. I don't think you're afraid of your potential. I think you're afraid of the work that it'll take to get there. And more importantly, you're afraid that you might fail - and that'll confirm your suspicions that you're not good enough.

Key points for you:

  • You're allowed to enjoy yourself too, take some time to fuck around with your friends.
  • Stop looking outside for value. It comes from within.
  • Audit your thoughts. Every time you think "I can't do it", ask yourself "Do I think that because I'm scared to try and fail?"

If you need any help or further clarification, let me know.

Best of luck,

UC

[–]WorkUnderProgress1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

On fucking point dude, the mods can even lock this thread but what's the solution to this problem? Do I just dive into the saved posts and videos?

I don't want to have regrets regarding my college life. I am almost 18 and I already have quite a few regrets about my school life revolving around academics and girls. I don't want to repeat this in college. I know that the regrets I feel today will feel like nothing many years later but I am living in the present so I must deal with them and prevent them.

[–]WorkUnderProgress0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Oh and what was the tl;dr of my problem?

I am basically not doing self improvement because I am afraid that it might fail which will in turn re-inforce the low perception that I have of myself?

[–]Unlikely_Composer2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm gonna quote your other question here so anyone else reading this can get some context:

On fucking point dude, the mods can even lock this thread but what's the solution to this problem? Do I just dive into the saved posts and videos?

I don't want to have regrets regarding my college life. I am almost 18 and I already have quite a few regrets about my school life revolving around academics and girls. I don't want to repeat this in college. I know that the regrets I feel today will feel like nothing many years later but I am living in the present so I must deal with them and prevent them.

In my experience, discipline is the key to everything. You need to make a list of things that'll help you over the:

- short term (haircut, etc)

-medium term (new clothes, new style etc)

- long term (get jacked)

then you're gonna hit the short term ones immediately and make plans for the medium term ones. Once you have solid actionable plans for the med ones youre gonna make plans for the long ones and start doing the med ones. Lifting is not negotiable. Lift.

I've recently finished my education so here's the scoop on what I regret:

- Sleep with more girls earlier in your first year. Seriously go nuts during your freshers events.

-figure out who the big dogs are and get in with that crowd. That'll make everything more fun and higher reward.

- my first year didn't count towards my grade so this might not apply to you, but spend a lot of your first year doing societies etc. You'll make a lot of friends.

- I was in the top 5% of grades when I graduated, and take it from me, it's fucking difficult to do that. You'll know when you need to hit the books. Start a few weeks earlier than that and study efficiently. Grades are for life.

- Uni/College isn't the last fun you ever get to have. If you get shit right over the next few years (lift, study, have plans for employment and finances), you'll have a lot more fun later in life.

Your TLDR is a couple of things:

- decision paralysis. Just fucking take action. The hardest bit is the first step.

- low sense of value. You fix this by lifting and achieving shit.

- pussy on a pedestal. you mentioned choking around an 8/10. Trust me buddy, women are not important, but I totally understand the need to fuck everything that moves as a young man. Read the literature in the sidebar and get good at approaching. You'll realise later that women are mostly the same and are not fulfilling ling.

Your final point was correct. Failure isn't failure. Get back up, learn something, do better next time. That's the secret.

[–]WorkUnderProgress0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks bro. I would have deleted the post because I know I have got the advice I needed but I am not going to delete it because I will keep reading it again and again in future to remind me of my path.

And duuude, the list of your regrets/advice on college life, thanks a lot for that dude! That was like icing on the cake, great touch.

[–]Unlikely_Composer1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t delete the post. It can be used as a teaching point for other men. That’s the first shred of self-worth you can give yourself: your question will help other men.

Also, you’re welcome. Men need to look out for each other. Pay it forward.

[–]inkwind2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One fear that you may want to watch out for is:

If you have made a victim-of-life thing as a part of your identity(as seen in many low self worth guys), improvement is going rip off that boanket and make you lose your identity. Understand that it's fine to lose your identity for a while.

[–]Snowboard181 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I really don’t know exactly what your talking about, but it seems there’s a mental block that is preventing you from having the energy to work on achieving your goals, correct me if I’m wrong

You need discipline. Not motivation/energy. Keep a planner and write down exactly what you need to do each day and actually do every single thing you wrote on that specific day

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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