Look, I get it; "lifting" is the most important thing, both for looking better and for building confidence. I'm working on it, but it seems a fairly slow process (I was in horrible shape, so it's still a long road until I'm happy with myself).

Something I'm struggling with, though, is figuring out what sort of guy I'm trying to aspire to become? Or at the very least, look like?

It's definitely worse being a ginger. On top of my older cousins beating the shit out of me (and my uncle encouraging it), I also got ridiculed for being "the ugly one" in the family (they were all tan and just naturally "beautiful people"). Shit definitely left me with some insecurities, which I'm still trying to work through.

I feel like I've kind of got two "options" before me, though.

The first one; a few years ago, I'd grown my hair long and had a long beard. Everyone I worked with said I looked like a viking, and even though I'm a pretty easy-going guy, I definitely looked like someone people wouldn't want to fuck with. A few female friends would run their fingers through my hair, which another girl said was because "I looked like someone who didn't like being touched", which is weird but I guess sort of endearing to women?

I'd be lying if I said part of the appeal wasn't that long hair, and a beard, help to sort of "hide the ugly".

Conversely, I know that the long hair+beard combo also probably made me look like the kind of guy who sits around getting stoned all day. Fact is, whatever insecurities I have, I'm pretty fucking good at my job, and I've worked hard to land a pretty good one. I feel like the "clean-cut look" evokes a bit more feeling of "success", whereas the long hair and beard maybe convey more "I don't give a fuck".

For what it's worth, I do know that when I first cut my hair, I got a lot of compliments on it. But then, people are pretty much always going to support dramatic changes like that, so I take it with a big grain of salt.

Another factor is I'm still hoping to book with a tattoo artist this or next year, to have a full sleeve done (if the first goes well, maybe even a second later on). Maybe that would offset a "clean-cut" look from looking like "boring white guy" quite so much?

Oh, and before anyone chimes in with "just do what you want!", I'd just offer a reminder that if I knew what I "wanted", I wouldn't be asking for advice. It's basically a choice between two extremes; the "viking" look (which takes a couple years to grow the hair back out), or the "clean-cut" look (which, being a ginger, might just be highlighting my uglier features).