I'm trying, man -- I really am -- but I just cannot seem to mentally get my shit together.

Career-wise, I'm in a good place, I make a good salary, the potential is definitely there. But I spend most days fixated on one insecurity or another, mostly revolving around my weight. More than that, I think about how I'm a ginger, which is almost universaly considered unattractive for men, how I'm 30 and I'm essentially "ruined".

I mean, for fucks sake, I've had close friendships with women, but have never been the object of desire. The only time sex has been on the table is when they were drunk. I've never felt like a woman has ever wanted me, and it's just hugely deflating.

I just feel like I'm in this endless loop, where I constantly berate myself about everything, yet I can't seem to change. I've never been "happy", or I would even say truly satisfied about life at any point. It feels like I'm spinning my wheels and getting nowhere, and I don't know what to do.