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How to Deal with Loser Roommate

February 23, 2021

I moved in with two old friends a few months ago. Originally it was just me and one guy, when the loser roommate asked if he could join us. He’s always lived at home and been sort of an incel. being his friend I figured this would be a good change for him.

This fucking back fired big time. The dude hasn’t done anything but sit in his room and play video games all day every day. I shouldn’t even say all day because he sleeps til like 8pm at night and stay up until noon the next day. He hasn’t bothered to look for a job. Turns down when we invite him places. I had to put a chore wheel just get him to do the bare minimum amount of cleaning, which he still fights me on. Dishes in the sink, just eats ramen, etc. etc.

We don’t even want to invite anyone over cause the last time he got wasted and try to have sex with our male guest (we had no idea he was even remotely gay, caught us off guard). It was completely embarrassing and made everyone uncomfortable.

Anyway I’ve tried not becoming the dudes fucking mom but I basically am at this point. The dudes a lost cause and it was a mistake to give him a chance. But regardless, I am now stuck with him until my lease is up and my other roommate and I dont know what to do.

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Post Information
Title How to Deal with Loser Roommate
Author shittyfuckdick
Upvotes 21
Comments 35
Date February 23, 2021 8:45 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-deal-with-loser-roommate.750087
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/lqsk6d/how_to_deal_with_loser_roommate/
Red Pill terms in post

[–]jverveslayer8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This sucks, and there's only so many things you can do here. As him to leave. Tell your landlord about the cleanliness and sexual harassment issues and see if he's willing to help. See if you're landlord will let you and your roommate get out of the lease if you can find replacements. Or just deal with it and set boundaries until you can get outta there.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev37 points38 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

being his friend I figured this would be a good change for him.

I see where you went wrong.

So the important lesson here is, no more losers. No more charity cases, no more bullshit. Everyone pulls their own weight or they get the fuck out.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If someone needs your help to grow, that's good. You are investing in a valuable future friend and ally.

If someone needs your help to survive, stay the fuck away.

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup 1000%. Only help and friend people who are the same value or more than you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can you get him kicked out for violating the terms of the lease. Maybe you can use sexual harassment or refusing to clean public spaces. This is why its very important to have a good contract.

[–]100xLeverage10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I had a room mate like this. I mean he played video games all day, but he wasn't dropping anchor in poo bay. Luckily the Wifi/router was in my room, so I just used to switch it off when he was mid game and I'd act like it was glitching when he'd come in and ask if I switched it off. Then I'd be pissing myself laughing listening to him phone the internet company and tell them how shit their service was. I did however manage to change some of his habits... got him eating vegetables, taught him about dopamine seeking (he switched from gaming to learning a new language and guitar, which is actually still dopamine seeking really, but a slight improvement from COD), and tried to teach him about red pill but he is so fucking blue pill that when we got a female flat mate he'd sit and play scrabble with her every night. Guess who she wanted to fuck? The guy that didn't want anything to do with mid week scrabble night (me) or the guy that would play any board game she suggested (him)? Now I've got her looking after some of my stuff while I'm living in another city, as another guy said in another thread here recently my plate became "self-sustaining economy".

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Bro I offered for him to start coming to the gym with me and shit like that. Like I said he’s a lost cause. There’s no changing someone who doesn’t want to change.

I’m still new to the TRP myself so I shouldn’t really take anyone under my wing anyway.

[–]rondo352 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're a good friend man. I have a similar situation with a younger sibling but without the cleanliness issues, 19, no job, taking a 'break' from uni etc and just plays games all day. I tried to help him, tried to teach him some tech skills, take him to gym etc. But he just wants to play video games all day. He's going back to live with his mom at the end of the month. As you said you can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. When I was his age I had my issues but I always had goals and motivation to improve, and had no one guiding me or in my ear all the time. You have him more help than most young people would ever receive, save your energy on someone who can take advantage of it.

[–]RedEyeBlackEye10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pimping that bitch, I like that shit homie.

[–]TheSmile_1028 points29 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Give him 5 grams of dried mushrooms (psilocybe cubensis); He will see what a pathetic wreck he is. Works like a charm.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the real answer righchere

[–]breakthatass1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've had a plethora of retarded house mates, do what you can and learn from your mistakes, oh well.

[–]RPmatrix1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

OP you sounds cool

this guy is clearly waaaay out of his depth in almost any social situation, most likely due to the way his parents treated him and the subsequent results, including but not least, he's apparently gay! - -- - maybe he's just sexually confused due to his general confusion with "how to live" --- hmmm, he might even be 'on the spectrum' somewhere, it's just as you've watched him grow up, these changes weren't obvious to you

If you want to help him, you need to have a talk or 10 with him and explian that you are aware of his lack of skills but would like to help him learn some, everyone has to start somewhere so it's Not his 'fault' for not knowing, his brain is just wired differently, --- which is why he hasn't got a clue as to how to go about living a life, hence the video games ALL the time! (they are predictable and he Can understand the rules, unlike how he feells about Real Life) I think you can show him otherwise

Tell him that IF He is prepared to TRY and make some positive changes in his life, you will advise him and help guide him as best you can, remember, "The journey of a 1000 miles begins with a step"

That said; "you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink", but You can Try

all the best bro, you sounds like a caring human = Top Grade human IMO, you get what you give, just not from where you gave it" ... I wish you much success should you choose to try, the fact you are posting here asking us shows that You care and thanks from me for doing so. Every little bit helps

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Have you heard of rat/mouse utopia? Basically they did an experiment with rats and found all the alphas got the bitches while the uncles huddled together and had a ex with each other. They weren’t born gay just a product of there environment.

The weirdest part is his parents are amazing. Really nice people and even had me for thanksgiving. I have no idea where it went wrong.

Anyway I’m past the point of helping him. I’ve been nothing but nice to him (covert contracts) and he’s been ungrateful and rude. He’s blew his chances and now I just want out of the situation.

[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Have you heard of rat/mouse utopia?

yes, I have read the study

Basically they did an experiment with rats and found all the alphas got the bitches while the uncles huddled together and had a ex with each other. They weren’t born gay just a product of there environment.

er, No, that's not how things worked out - - maybe you should reread what happened there as sex was one of The Last things the mice ended up doing .... they got lazy and fat ... and sickly and finally deadly

and they probably would've kept cats if they could've

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think my point still stands. They were banging each other on top of the other things you said.

[–]RPmatrix0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I think my point still stands"

which one, you made a dozen or so

if you "think" you are right, then why ask here?

[–]Herdsengineers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tell him he either pulls his weight, pays rent, share of utilities, cleans up after himself, gets a job, starts being a fucking grown up and doesn't act like this anymore, or he has to move back home. It's okay to not want him there under this scenario even if mommy and daddy are paying his rent and bills. I wouldn't want him there either.

If he refuses, evict him. He'll be a tenant at will even if not on the lease (if he's there as his permanent home, regardless of how long, and things like if he gets his mail there, that determines tenant at will status) and you'll have to go through the process anyway. I'd suggest to find a landlord / tenant law attorney that knows the laws and procedures in your area. It's easy to violate a tenant's rights and end up in hot water yourself.

[–]SublimePimp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just MOGG him everyday hahah

[–]RedEyeBlackEye10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

1) don't drop the soap around him frfr.

2) tell him hes got til xyz to get a job, bc shit ain't free around here homie. This rent, this electrical bill HE'S RUNNING UP, this gawd damn food HE'S EATING UP, this shit ain't free homie.

3) if he doesn't get a job or GTFO, call your landlord, or police. First, you might want to talk to a LAWYER who knows about this sort of shit better than us(unless there's a lawyer among us).

Good luck homie.

[–]InkD_PipeHittR0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I let a friend rent a room out of my house who consistently exhibits low value behaviors. I.e. - He sat down and watched 47 movies, not including the shows he watched and did next to nothing last year during the initial part of shutdown in march thru the end of April. That's just one example. His track record with women and goals in life are another story entirely.

Point is, I found myself visibly irritated by his presence and disgusted with his behavior, uncleanliness, etc. So I sympathize. At the end of the day I had to come to the realization that getting pissed off was fucking with me more than it was him. I always retain the power to tell him to GTFO, but instead I decided to use the opportunity to learn how best to deal with loud obnoxious, low value people like them, because it's inevitable. Ironically enough, he's slowly improving. Being cleaner, accepting the realities women and dating, and starting to have more drive to do bigger and better things. If there is no way to evict him then this is an option for you to try.

[–]Don_Draper270 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Maybe just be straight up with him and say that you and the other roommate want him to move out. Don't threaten eviction, but just make it clear that neither of y'all want him there.

I strongly feel like the saying, "you are a mix of the 5 people you hang with the most" is more true than we think.

Be around 5 high value people every day and your life will improve at hyper speeds.

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So true. That’s why I just want to get away from him. Also maybe this is beta but I just try and avoid any uncomfortable convos with him. He’s got anger problems and can’t take any sort of criticism. He’s a fucking skeleton too so there’s really no need to be scared but I just don’t feel like dealing with it.

[–]tilen110 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

bully him until he wants to leave by himself or find him a different apartment and kick him out

if not possible get used to being polite and keeping interactions to a minimum

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yea Im just cordial and ignore him most the time. He’s always home so I have to be around him.

I’m not gonna bully him cause then I’m the bad guy. He can’t afford an apartment on his own he would have to move back with his parents. I though about just creating another scenario where crosses the line like when he sexual harassed my buddy, that way I just have an excuse to get rid of him.

[–]rondo351 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This dude was never ready to leave his mom's basement. In the future never ever onboard a new roommate that's unemployed, friend or no friend.

[–]tilen11-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

bullying is mostly about who controls frame rather than about being good or a bad guy. your plan sounds good try it

[–]shittyfuckdick[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Can you explain this? What is frame in this context? How does it help me?

[–]dirtimartini69-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Simple. Kill him.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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