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How to escalate without looking desperate?

August 4, 2014
7 upvotes

I was reminiscing at failed attempts with girls to see where things went wrong. What i noticed was that the common denominator from all these experiences was a lack of escalation. For example, last semester i had this nice blond over to my room. She came over and just wanted to relax, so i put on a little music and just started to talk. But I was unable to close the deal with her, I could not seem to be able to escalate things with her. It's not that she was not interested its that i didnt know how to increase tension.

Another time I had a girl in my room and the same thing happened. She came over and I put on a little music, we talk for a bit but nothing was happening.

This is kind of hopeless, I know what I am doing wrong but i just cant seem to think of a way to fix this. So back to the question, how can i escalate things with a girl from talking to kissing to having sex?

One of my fears is coming across as desperate.

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Post Information
Title How to escalate without looking desperate?
Author theredpillacct
Upvotes 7
Comments 5
Date August 4, 2014 4:18 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-escalate-without-looking-desperate.141151
https://theredarchive.com/post/141151
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2clkmj/how_to_escalate_without_looking_desperate/
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Comments

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If a girl's in your room, she wants you to make a move. The conversation she's having with you is just her stalling to see if you'll man up.

If you're in one of these situations, and you've been touching each other (kino or whatever), there is no further escalation from talking -> kissing. You literally just grab her and start making out. I've done it mid-sentence.

[–]1etcomro2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Another time I had a girl in my room

Had this happen once. She was just kind of roaming around the house and went into the bedroom. I took this as a clear indicator she was ready. I just said, "Hey come here, there's been something I've been meaning to do" kissed her then into sex.

Your fears are just that, your fears. Not her feelings. You have no idea what she's feeling or thinking. If things are going well though (she's laughing/smiling, letting you lightly touch her, maybe even playing with her hair or looking at your lips while you're talking) you can assume she likes you.

When in doubt, just ask, "Hey, I wanna kiss you." If she has a serious objection to it she'll bring it up them. Otherwise, go for it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

When in doubt, just ask, "Hey, I wanna kiss you."

I'd say just go for it without asking. If you ask you give her the chance to rationalize some excuse and/or she may take your questions as a lack of assertion.

Grow a pair and just go for it.

[–]skoobled0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Asking is too goddam TV. You just pick an appropriate, but slightly surprising moment, and just do it. Keep it short, pull back, second time after a pause. Second time will give away if she's into it quite clearly

[–]AskTRP Endorsed ContributorAlphaAsFAQ1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You have to get out of the mindset of thinking, "I wonder if she wants me to make a move, if she doesn't and I do make a move then she will reject me, does she even want me?".

If she is in your house and in your bedroom and shows no signs of wanting to leave you should be thinking like this, "I wonder if I will let her make out with me, does she deserve it, how far should I let her go with me, how long will I keep her waiting to kiss me?"

It is her privilege to kiss/sleep with you.

PS, if you are struggling with the advice telling you to 'just kiss her', try telling her you are going to kiss her. "I'm going to kiss you now", wait for the smile/fuck me eyes and move in.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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