I embraced the redpill about 1 year ago. I'm 21. I was way below blue pill at the time I did. I've gotten alot of the principles down and have applied them such as lifting, eating right, confidence and charisma and I even secured my first date ever later this month with a 5'8 120lbs cutie.

Thing is I never had success ever in my life before. Despite what's happening now I still carry a huge huge chip on my shoulder. It destroys my frame and makes me very insecure and it shows sometimes when people try and joke around with me. Deep Inside I still have deep scars from my bluepilled years of being mercilessly bullied, being told I'll always be a loser and no women will ever like me even by my closest friends. Social isolation. Rejection and just plain flat out failures in social situations for years and years. I had 'friends' send me photos of their girlfriends telling me "guess what you'll never have" and girls telling me what a nobody I am and just stuff like that throughout all stages of my life from kindergarten to highschool to college (most of which I've wasted at this point in time.). For 20 years. Just pure bullying. Those harsh memories keep playing back in my head like a cursed videotape. They keep making me depressed over all the time I've wasted and keep pushing me back to being a victim and a loser. I'm holding back tears just as I write this cause it's so painful to just think about this stuff. The time and resources I've wasted. The opportunities I've lost. How fragile and impossible success seems now that it's starting to show a little bit. The thought of it all being fake and artificial and just me getting lucky. And the biggest fear of all which is losing it and starting all over again.

I don't know. I can't get over these thought patterns. They keep coming back to haunt me. What advice would you guys have to deal with this?