~ archived since 2018 ~

How to justify lost time

October 30, 2016
4 upvotes

Long story short I've basically been stuck working in the family business for 5 years, losing my mid 20s. Been stuck due to important family issues (health and money).

Achieved very little in this time as I get no time to myself and I've been very depressed a lot of the time. Where I live is a very shitty racist and deprived part of the country.

Soon I will be getting the opportunity to leave and move on with my life. Finally have independence and a routine, absolutely can't wait. I will move, find a job, study towards getting a better career, socialise, work out, maybe even meet some girls if I can start to work through my issues, which should be easier once I've moved.

But I get down on myself a lot about my lost years. My wider social group all have been in LTR's for a long time, now getting married and having kids. I feel left out and have little life experience to show for my age. My social skills aren't quite what they should be and I have literally zero experience with women.

I'm simply very happy I can go start my life but is there any way to look at my lost years with any sort of positive perspective?

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Post Information
Title How to justify lost time
Author empatheticapathetic
Upvotes 4
Comments 8
Date October 30, 2016 6:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-to-justify-lost-time.76854
https://theredarchive.com/post/76854
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/5a7ehj/how_to_justify_lost_time/
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Comments

[–]Senior ContributorSkorchZang8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Above all, NEVER talk about it. You'll be tempted to justify this and that, never do it. Makes you look like a bitch, trying to explain yourself.

The bottom line is that the self-justification vibe looks far worse on man than a whole lifetime wasted and 0-fucks given, 0 excuses for anything made.

Those feelings you're having are not really yours, they're a byproduct of the culture we're in. The culture promotes "The Feel Of Missing Out" heavily, because that's the spur they use "subtly" to make you consume more shit, doing your small part in greasing the financial gears of the system like a good little beta. They have basically invented all those scenarios people call my twenties, my thirties, my college years, etc. None of it is a real thing anywhere else in the world, only in the media-riddled minds of the afflicted.

A natural man in a more natural environment does not have those feelings. He just doesn't. There's nothing he feels entitled to and so there's nothing for him to "miss out on". Life unfolds, he is there in the middle of it always. What does that even mean, "missing out" on something?

Think about it. Every day of those 5 years you feel are wasted, you woke up, took a nice piss, maybe had breakfast. Whatever you were doing that day, you did it. You were right there in the middle of it the whole time, didn't miss a single second... The insidious thing about that "feel of missing out" is that it gives you all the unicorn fairyland scenarios that you think are supposed to happen to you, like your life is a book with defined chapters in it, and you're constantly afraid you'll miss the exciting part of the story, since it seems so fucking boring at the moment all you have to do is look forward to when all this scenario shit is supposed to start happening to you. It doesn't, it's all a lie and basically, it's just a fucking commercial.

[–]trpobserver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think Im going to tattoo this onto my face

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Lift harder, work harder, and don't waste any time. Use your lost time as motivation to get shit done.

[–]zboo1h4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Start talking to people, everywhere. Laugh in their face if they don't respond to whatever inane thing you said. You are the prize, act like it. If you're not swole, get swole. If you're swole, get swoler.

Your mindset about lost time will never leave you. I still have it at the age of 30 after an unsuccessful time as a horny teenager. It makes me feel like a loser if I don't fuck a new bitch every week. It makes me want to spiral down back into masturbation and drugs and a "why bother" attitude if I don't get a text back from the hottie that I persuaded to suck my dick the other night. It WILL fuck with your head. You WILL learn to fucking cope. And you WILL become Chad.

[–]COLIE532 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You cannot change your past, you can only learn from it. It's unwise to bring unnecessary stress about your future because it has not happend yet and you cannot control what hasnt happend.

Its most beneficial to live in the now. As we all have experienced, we live in an eternal present. Right here right now is the only controlling factor you can change. Invest everything into right here right now and stop worrying about what you cant control.

So remember to be here now.....

[–]LordThunderbolt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Be happy you're not married.

[–]empatheticapathetic[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha. All of my immediate and extended family have had awful divorces. It never seemed like a good idea since.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Time is an illusion. Your memories are inaccurate and mostly fantasy. Let go and move on. Remember that all you ever had or ever will have is the current moment... And worrying or focusing on the past only clouds the beauty and fullness of the one moment you have, that one stream of consciousness that sifts through your fingers like sand.

You're OK for having lived through shitty circumstances, but think about what the future more mature version of you would say if he heard you beating yourself up. He'd probably tell you to relax. He'd tell you that what you're doing now is the same as wasting those other years in the first place. He'd tell you to relax because you can't change it and that those circumstances helped shape you and put that fire in your heart in the first place. Most importantly he'd tell you that whatever you do, as long as you're trying and kicking ass and enjoying your life in the process and being authentic there's no harm done.

We all struggle, fuck up, get caught up in worry and doubt, but the only way to recover is to let go. Don't carry that weight through your life. Just live from this point on. Also realize that that projection you created of a future you, the 'mature you'... That's just you in a different mental state. You already have the answers and there's so much more power and strength inside you if you just stop pretending you're weak.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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