How to react - side chick banging other guys

July 18, 2018

Hi guys,

I'm confused and need external advice cause I can't really talk with my friends here. I am in a LTR but met a girl who despite being 6 years older than me (I'm 35), is extremely and exceptionally hot: former triathlete champion, athletic, great face, smooth skin, and also great to hang out with: funny, sweet, easy going, etc. She had broken up with her 2 year bf 3 months ago. She basically looks like the girl of my life. She would be if: I wasn't living with my LTR, she wasn't leaving the country in a few weeks, she wasn't 6 years older than me.

Attraction was here at the start, but I immediately told I had a gf. We are in a sports team so go out a lot so one evening kissed. She invited me over to her place but I said I can't, she said true you have a gf.

But in the end we kept on hanging out more and more and partying etc, to a point she is... some kind of a side chick. I've been to her place sometimes after partying but never went further than 3rd base (always too late, too much alcohol, too sleepy and some mental blocks).

I spent lots of time with her this weekend, I figured out she is seeing other guys as well. So when she says things like "we should stop, I'm not comfortable doing this to your gf and being number 2" I'd reply "well you are seing other guys as well so what number am I? 2, 3, 4, 5?" you should have seen the hamster spinning... then she said "that's something that single people do".

The thing is that, I'm growing feelings for her now, and I'm kind of grossed out knowing that she has hooked up with 2 guys (at least, 2 confirmed) since we started. I guess I should just not give a fuck but I do. I forget about my gf when I'm with her but I don't forget about guys she hooked up 1 or 2 weeks ago.

In the meantime I'm becoming a monster running so much in the back of my LTR who is totally oblivious to it.

She's leaving in 2 weeks now. I'm torn between stop seeing her and enjoying it while it lasts, even if I can't get a boner with her because knowing of these 2 other guys turn me off, but I like the quality time I spend with her that I don't spend with my gf.

And after she leave I need to do something about my current gf, it's hard to breakup with someone you live with and are somewhat happy with and have no clear reason to break up with (maybe except the fact that she is jobless and not so active bur trying to make music, so somehow I don't really see long term plan with her, we are not growing).

Am I fucked up? What's wrong with me?

I wish I had been single when we met, things would have been straightforward.

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Post Information
Title How to react - side chick banging other guys
Author Bruchibre
Upvotes 0
Comments 19
Date July 18, 2018 4:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
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[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You haven't banged her even and you call her side chick??? Talk about entitlement..

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

OK joke aside, I came here for intelligent discussion and will reply as such. So thank you for commenting no matter how.

First she said many times we should stop seeing each other, felt embarassed after ending up naked in her bed once, said she feels terrible to do that to another girl (to which I said she is doing nothing to my gf, I am the one doing something to her). But in the end we always end up isolated together at the end of a social event and end up kissing.

When I'm with her, we behave like if we were dating, minus the banging part, true. It could have happened a few times and I wish it had taken that direction: we ended up in her place a few times, naked on the bed, she went down on me, but I have mental block and can't get a decent boner because of my real girlfriend in the back of my mind (looks like my guts have principles after all).

But that makes it different from spinning a plate, pretty much the opposite I'd say. So technically my guts/heart/whatever since vocabulary is important for you, started feeling like... if I had two girlfriends.

1 That's why I used the word side chick or affair. This post is originally all about how I feel, not how she does.

2 That's why despite my brain knowing that she is leaving and I have nothing to do with her, my guts react like "your girl which is not your girl is banging other guys".

This post is about documenting a big case of ONEITIS. I played with fire and got burnt. I thought she'd be the one feeling bad when she leaves because of emotional connection blablabla but she beat me at the game and I end up the loser in this situation.

I've seen texts on her phone. With her slutty friend I don't exist at all and she says things like "should I go for meaningless sex with HotBrazilianFriend" (to which slutty friend said Yes! and it eventually happened). Later with her non slutty friend she says things like "I need to get my shit together, I can't have both HotBrazilianFriend and Bruchibre at the same time". Despite being the most morally questionable here I am disgusted by her.

[–]Bruchibre[S] -5 points-4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Affair if you prefer, it’s just vocabulary. I’ve spent some evenings with her. Technically I’m the one who can’t because I live with my gf.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You haven't banged her and you call it affair? Again, you think too high of yourself. And not in a good way. At best you are just orbiter.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Affair if you prefer, it’s just vocabulary.

Your vocabulary is totally fucked up. You should call her your 'wife'.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're right, I will propose next time I see her.

[–]2comment 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy Link

Get off your ass and find better women.

[–]Bruchibre[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy Link


The thing is that my LTR is technically great: she is super hot and cute (has been finalist in a modeling competition), was virgin before we met (she's Asian), is 7 years younger than me, is very sweet in any aspect (I don't like the word submissive). I have the impression that I will never find a better girl on the paper and we are very attached. It's the first time I am with a girl that I feel that if I break up with her I'll eventually regret it (I had never been with a girl for even 2 years before).

The other girl, well, I wouldn't get into a LTR with her. If she was younger I'd marry her, except for the promiscuity thing that I know of now. She's from Australia, mostly LTR in the past, but yeah 41 years old who discovered a taste for toy boys.

[–]2comment 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, guys finding good girls boring and wanting the sluts (like girls finding good guys boring and wanting Chads) is a popular thing. I don't particularly get it, but that's that.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not that I find her boring as a person but she doesn't have my ideal body type (the body type I'd see myself banging forever) and for example the other girl does.

My gf has an extremely thin upper body bone structure and has the smallest hand I've ever seen in an adult. So much that sometimes when I hold her hand or her arm my guts send me a "pedophile alert". I tell her she has macaque hands. I'm afraid of having a son that will be as skinny and weak as her, that would piss me off.

Also she has no real life plan apart from music but she doesn't try hard enough, seeing her sleeping like a princess when I go to work in the morning and giving me the impression she's not doing much during the day makes me realise we have no plan, we are just living day by day.

The other girl... hadn't given me the vibe of being slutty at the beginning. But being jobless and leaving soon, she started going out a lot, drinking and meeting people. And she ended up hooking up with 2 guys in the last month, while seeing me once in a while. My brain tells me I shouldn't care because we are not together and she is leaving anyway but my guts tell me "eh, slut".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Are you even fucking her?

[–]Bruchibre[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

No. I could have had because we were naked in bed but I just couldn’t have a boner. Like if my brain wants me to do it but my guts tell me it’s wrong.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You have oneitis over a slut who is fucking a bunch of guys who aren’t you. You need to stop seeing her and get your shit together.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

That’s exactly it. Thanks for the diagnosis doctor. I tried to play games and i dug my own grave. Luckily she’s away this weekend and leaving the country in 2 weeks. It teaches me a lesson.

I just think that she wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t have a gf and she wasn’t a side chick. Anyway now it’s all spoilt. My idea was to hook up before she leaves but it didn’t work that way, instead of that I caught a bad oneitis.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your problem here is that you were jerking off your ego over this idea of how much of a fucking pimp you were that you have this great LTR and this hot side chick. That's why you keep getting hung up on how you could have done this and you could have done that and she would have done this other thing if it wasn't for this and that and blah blah blah.

It's all a crock of shit that you're telling yourself. She's not your side chick. She's a random slut. She's old. She's fucking a bunch of random guys. None of those guys are you. Just stop it.

She's not even what you're caught up on here. You're caught up on your ego. This is a very, very teachable moment for you, and if you get the lesson, then it'll help you a whole lot for a long time. Good luck.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I appreciate having this conversation with you.

Your problem here is that you were jerking off your ego over this idea of how much of a fucking pimp you were that you have this great LTR and this hot side chick.

Kind of, spot on. That's probably why I went for it when I had the chance. Also I kind of wished I wasn't in LTR when I met her, on the other hand I was happy I was because on the paper I don't want to date such an older girl. The lifeline is also the fact that she is leaving for good. So eventually everything will fall back in order.

She sometimes told me we can't do that, she is confused, we need to stop and be only friends, "if only you didn't have a gf, it would be different", "why don't you breakup with her to be alone and free to do what you want". So I guess she kind of likes me now but in her mind what we do counts for nothing and she copes by getting validation with other guys. But yes she's a random slut and if I had never made a move she would probably have hooked up with somebody else. Maybe this hot friend of mine who is 15 years younger.

We went at her place this weekend and she was taking a shower and her phone password is 123456... that's how I know about the two other guys. I saw a convo with a guy 10 years younger from a guy she met when we went out with the team, saying something about rhum and the guy saying don't worry it's all good, you have a great body and great lingerie. I also saw a convo with her friend saying should she have sex with some hot guy she knows, the friend said YES, she eventually went for it once. So with that in mind when we were naked in her bed I couldn't rise it up, I'm turned down by slutiness. I also saw a convo with her friend before that saying that she wasn't having sex at all before. So I think she entered a confused hit the wall promiscuous phase. And another convo telling she liked this other guy from the team but he didn't seem to be interested anymore or was weirdly flirting (I know he tried with her but I was faster / more aggressive). I won't and wouldn't LTR her that's for sure. I just wanted a glimpse of what it could have been. And I caught oneitis. And I think I don't really love my gf anymore. I'm a psychopath and my heart is in the wrong place. I'm waiting for her to leave and see if I'm going to tell my gf I want to take some time off. And go monk mode, focus on training. Good thing out of the triathlete girl is that she inspired me to run and swim again, I'm on top of my fitness. Also... she'll be in my home country in September and I'm going there to visit my parents by myself, she wants to meet there.

I re-read myself and think none of this makes sense. I think I had forgotten that AWALT.

[–]imtheoneimmortal1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

She wants to be fucked
You refuse
She start to know and bang other guys

What's problem? What she own you? Loyalty?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It was like 4am after a night of heavy drinking... I used my fingers :)

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

"I don't like being No 2 for you"

"well you are seeing other guys so what number am I, 2, 3, 4, 5?"

"...... you can do this when you are Single"

My brain - of course you can. You are definitely single. I have a LTR whom I live with after all so whatever happens the outcome remains unchanged.


Typical situation where I realise that while we were kissing, getting naked in her bed together, when I'm away she live a perfect "single" life and sees other guys. When I'm away I live a perfect couple life with my girlfriend. So on the paper everything should be fine. But if I'm emotionally cheating on my gf with her it's because I am strongly infatuated.

I ended up deep in myself telling myself I had two girlfriends.

I played with fire, I got burnt.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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