I'm confused and need external advice cause I can't really talk with my friends here. I am in a LTR but met a girl who despite being 6 years older than me (I'm 35), is extremely and exceptionally hot: former triathlete champion, athletic, great face, smooth skin, and also great to hang out with: funny, sweet, easy going, etc. She had broken up with her 2 year bf 3 months ago. She basically looks like the girl of my life. She would be if: I wasn't living with my LTR, she wasn't leaving the country in a few weeks, she wasn't 6 years older than me.
Attraction was here at the start, but I immediately told I had a gf. We are in a sports team so go out a lot so one evening kissed. She invited me over to her place but I said I can't, she said true you have a gf.
But in the end we kept on hanging out more and more and partying etc, to a point she is... some kind of a side chick. I've been to her place sometimes after partying but never went further than 3rd base (always too late, too much alcohol, too sleepy and some mental blocks).
I spent lots of time with her this weekend, I figured out she is seeing other guys as well. So when she says things like "we should stop, I'm not comfortable doing this to your gf and being number 2" I'd reply "well you are seing other guys as well so what number am I? 2, 3, 4, 5?" you should have seen the hamster spinning... then she said "that's something that single people do".
The thing is that, I'm growing feelings for her now, and I'm kind of grossed out knowing that she has hooked up with 2 guys (at least, 2 confirmed) since we started. I guess I should just not give a fuck but I do. I forget about my gf when I'm with her but I don't forget about guys she hooked up 1 or 2 weeks ago.
In the meantime I'm becoming a monster running so much in the back of my LTR who is totally oblivious to it.
She's leaving in 2 weeks now. I'm torn between stop seeing her and enjoying it while it lasts, even if I can't get a boner with her because knowing of these 2 other guys turn me off, but I like the quality time I spend with her that I don't spend with my gf.
And after she leave I need to do something about my current gf, it's hard to breakup with someone you live with and are somewhat happy with and have no clear reason to break up with (maybe except the fact that she is jobless and not so active bur trying to make music, so somehow I don't really see long term plan with her, we are not growing).
Am I fucked up? What's wrong with me?
I wish I had been single when we met, things would have been straightforward.