I got metoo'd. Reputation completely destroyed, cant get music gigs. To move, or to stay?

October 22, 2019
186 upvotes

Long story short, slepped with a women who had a boyfriend, we were at a party, she claimed i took advantage of her because she was on molly (it was 10000 percent consentual, I beleive she just wanted to cover her ass because her bf found out).. I am a musician and organize parties, had a very good reputation but a lot of girls dont like me now. Admittedly i was a bit of a slut for awhile so a lot of women gossip about me. Started a party company and made a few mistakes and now the company and myself both have a bad reputation. I live in a progressive city. Should i stay or should i go? I keep getting gigs cancelled and cant get booked anywhere. Any advice sincerely appreciated.

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Post Information
Title I got metoo'd. Reputation completely destroyed, cant get music gigs. To move, or to stay?
Author positiveredpill
Upvotes 186
Comments 112
Date October 22, 2019 7:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-got-metood-reputation-completely-destroyed-cant.292312
https://theredarchive.com/post/292312
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/dln9x4/i_got_metood_reputation_completely_destroyed_cant/
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Comments

[–]somejerseydude309 points310 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Follow the formula.

  1. Cut contact with all parties involved

  2. DO NOT apologize...this can be interpreted as an admission of guilt

  3. Lawyer up

[–]jackandjill2263 points64 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hes a party promoter. He fucked up because in an informal business like this the word on the street & his character are all that keep his business afloat. He's fucked.

[–]positiveredpill[S] 55 points56 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. Id prefer to not get into a legal mess.

[–]TheRedPillRipper127 points128 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Engaging a lawyer goes a long way to negating the mess. Legally. If you’re losing income, and can prove the sex was consensual; you may have grounds for slander/defamation.

A good lawyer will tell you what your options are.

Godspeed and good luck!

[–]PrettyHateSmooshing59 points60 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

slander, defamation, and libel are the hardest cases to prove. it's going to be he said/she said in this case.

cut all ties and try to rebuild locally. otherwise MOVE ON.

[–]JBrody0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. See the Vic Mignogna case that is currently going on.

[–]1bad5114 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just having the lawyer send a cease and desist letter / threatening a lawsuit will probably clam her up. I have a good lawyer / friend and on two occasions a simple letter from him is all it took to resolve a couple of disputes and have checks in my hand within a week.

[–]Onein1024th0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

si vis pacem para bellum

[–]FightGuard0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You think some molly bitch has the money for him to go after losses?

[–]TheRedPillRipper1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Protect your reputation. At all costs.

[–]Andgelyo37 points38 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fucking lawyer up and ruin the bitch’s life. Absolutely show no mercy to her. It’s these women who will continue to have a pussy pass and destroy other men’s lives.

[–]HurricaneHugues22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Having a lawyer is the only way you can properly and seriously defend yourself you idiot. How is that you run a business and don't understand the necessity of lawyers?

[–]dxbfmby0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tfw when Kirrill hits reddit

[–]ElegantCyclist30 points31 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Most likely this will blow over.

She's also more vulnerable than you.

Spread rumors about her reputation and her reputation for false accusations.

[–]MattyAnon112 points113 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

Should i stay or should i go?

Go.

And don't shit where you eat next time.

[–]positiveredpill[S] 26 points27 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Thanks. Im confused because as a musician Im naturally charming to women in the music scene. My "look" or whatever draws in a lot of groupies. Its too easy to get laid and too hard to not shit where i eat. Any advice?

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat56 points57 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Have a camera in your bedroom. Actually through your whole house.

[–]DubbleFUPAwitCheez38 points39 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

That can also get you in trouble if it's in your bedroom and you do the deed. Throughout the house if they can see the girl all giggly and shit into the bedroom you would at least have a leg to stand on.

In our friends case I bet you he could have a consent form for them to sign and if he presents it to them correctly they'd probably just laugh and sign it. If they actually did get offended or something, well it's best to not risk it just for some dime a dozen puss.

[–]Thizzlebot35 points36 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Nothing gets women wet like legal paperwork.

[–]DubbleFUPAwitCheez16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Close. Nothing gets em wet like suing your ass

[–]geo_gan0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Too abstract. Correction: nothing gets them wet like money

[–]Project_Zero_Betas1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

nothings gets them wet like the ability to drag you into a courtroom

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat22 points23 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Consent forms would never hold up. The best defense is probably the day after text. A little confirmation it was fun from her.

[–]MillionaireSexbomb11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep; all you do is a “hey last night was fun” text in the AM and leave it at that.

[–]JoePants11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its too easy to get laid and too hard to not shit where i eat.

Discretion man, you got to show discretion. I mean, you want to sleep with most everything that comes at you in that environment, then this won't be the last time you're jammed up over it.

Sooner or later, in fact, it'll get worse, there'll be charges filed and you'll be in a massive jam. Instead, show some discretion.

You can be a successful chef without eating all the food.

[–]443610667 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it hard to keep some reliable plates if you’re that attractive

[–]MattyAnon2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Its too easy to get laid and too hard to not shit where i eat. Any advice?

Leverage things differently.... see women who can't impact your life.

The main factor is "is she part of an organisation that could impact you".

Main point: leverage your status differently. Eg see girls that are not part of the scene, but eg come to your gigs. Or meet women separately and invite them to see you. Girls outside your scene / organisations.

Another strategy: don't sleep with them straight away. See fewer partners more often, take it slow with them.

Most of the rape accusations and pound-me-too issues come with short term bangs. Longer term she can't claim that she was raped when she voluntarily sees you over and over again.

This doesn't protect you from jilted-woman-revenge, but it eliminates a big chunk of it.

[–]Well_hung_Yakuza0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good advice.

[–]4Sammich4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

and too hard to not shit where i eat

That's just being weak.

[–]katekowalski2014-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t.

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

And don't shit where you eat next time.

You deserve to get raped because of how you dressed you stupid slut. /s

[–]MattyAnon0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I get your point - that I'm blaming the victim here.

But the harsh reality is that if a man behaves in a very normal and reasonable way he can open himself up to a high probability of problems down the line.

You can drive into a rough neighbourhood and leave your keys in your porsche if you like, but I'm going to take sensible precautions with my life that protect me from highly probably situations that will endanger my life - even through no fault of my own.

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

No, you clearly don't get the point, otherwise you wouldn't keep victim blaming.

[–]MattyAnon0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

The reality of life is this: Engage in perfectly reasonable behaviour with a colleague and with high probability suffer career limiting consequences.

You can say "he's free to act within the law as much as he likes and he should be allowed to do that", but that's ignoring the consequences of his actions in this fucked up world.

I get your idealism, but it's misplaced.

[–]mustache_ride_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're a lousy troll.

[–]RileysRevenge14 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

You already know by now but rule #1 is not a suggestion, it’s mandatory for survival:

Don’t shit where you eat. Avoid sex with women at your work at all costs. It never ends well. There’s billions of women on this planet, there’s no reason to fuck women you work with.

Don’t you have texts leading up to the aforementioned event? You say you don’t want to bring a lawyer into this- nothing legal has happened yet, what if it does?

As we’ve seen lately, women can claim rape years, sometimes decades afterwords and be taken seriously, ruining the lives of men.

Most lawyers will give free consultations. Here’s a suggestion: contact every good law firm in your area and consult with them. It will do two three things:

  1. Give you some solid, brief (but free) legal advice
  2. Establish that at XYZ date, you contacted them about libel and wrongful claims of sexual misconduct
  3. If she does decide to take legal action, she’ll have to look outside of your city. You getting consultation by the various law firms means they cannot represent her because of conflict of interest.

If you do have text conversations of her flirting with you, arranging to hang out, etc. I would honestly crumble the tower internally. Contact her boyfriend and send him these texts. He is her #1 backer in these claims and will believe anything she says. If you can show him she was cheating instead, he’ll start to doubt it was actually rape. Tell him she took molly and wanted to hook up with you. It will start to rot the problem from the inside out.

Boyfriend finds out she actually cheated> breaks up with her> word gets out> people wonder why he would leave her> they find out she actually cheated and falsely claimed rape> your reputation is less ruined than before and you have a chance, over time, to rebuild.

Disclaimer: I’m not a lawyer, not even close. These are my opinions and could be factually incorrect.

[–]420KUSHBUSH5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

"If she does decide to take legal action, she’ll have to look outside of your city. You getting consultation by the various law firms means they cannot represent her because of conflict of interest."

This is a pretty damn good genius suggestion. Although in regards to showing the boyfriend the text I'd rather have someone experienced in law or people willing to give their second opinion on that step in since that can go in either direction

[–]N0knownalias0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What needs to be asked is this. Was OP also on molly? If not, he raped her and contacting her or anyone else is not wise.

[–]RileysRevenge0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ummm what? Have you ever taken molly? You can still make rational decisions, you just feel really good.

Both parties don’t have to be on the same drug for it to be consensual, that’s ridiculous.

[–]BPasFuck13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Look. You're kinda fucked.

All the people telling you to get an attorney are assuming this situation is much more formal than your post indicates. But it isn't. It's a very messy, informal, gossip-y thing, and you're finding that people are willing to believe the worst of you and are acting accordingly.

If you stay the course, and keep plugging-- odds are this shit will eventually blow over and you'll be able to rebuild yourself. Could be 6 weeks, could be 6 months. Could be never, if you keep making mistakes.

My advice is to go elsewhere, if feasible. Start over in a new town with a clean slate, and the benefit of having made your mistakes elsewhere. Now you know not to make them, so don't.

Good luck.

[–]positiveredpill[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah you nailed it. Its a gossipy problem nothing to do with courts. Thanks

[–]BPasFuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The problem with this kind of a situation is that 95% of men are utterly outgunned. Women, in general, are just 100X better than us at this kind of social assassination shit.

A man's best defense, in an arena like this, is the strength of his reputation and integrity.

As I alluded originally, yours is clearly not up to the task as all these people have had zero difficulty in believing the worst about you.

Sucks. I know. But that's how it is sometimes. Something to work on for the future. Say a thing, do a thing. Don't get caught lying. Caesar's wife must be above suspicion. etc.

By the time it comes 'round to a war of words and innuendo like you're in, it's usually way too late, by the time you've noticed that you can't get any bookings, shit's mostly over.

[–]jzekyll40 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This op. If the problem is legal get a lawyer if the problem is branding just be patient

[–]effyouasshole42 points43 points  (28 children) | Copy Link

Collect hard evidence that this woman committed slander and libel. Bring it to a lawyer.

Aside from reparations for lost business (i.e.: money), you should also require a public apology.

[–]FereallyRed7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a buddy who's a swimsuit photographer.

He's a horndog, we've been to swinger parties together, I've fucked his wife and we've done porn that is still on Pornhub.

He REFUSES to mix his business with his fuckboy ways, and that's why he's viewed as a professional and continues to get high paying gigs.

Because most guys get into taking pics of women to be around the pussy.

Work is work. You shat where you ate.

[–]thrwy7547916 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Admittedly i was a bit of a slut for awhile

Hopefully, you've learned that there's a cost associated with every decision you make. This includes living a promiscuous lifestyle.

Should i stay or should i go?

If you don't want to pursue legal action to defend yourself, then you'll have to be careful.

If you split, and she decides to go further and press charges, your leaving could look like guilt. Don't leave at least for a while.

In terms of contact with her, if you cut her off, then it seems like something happened, when nothing actually happened. Don't initiate anything. If she initiates, then be brief and formal over text, where you can keep records.

If she wants to meet and talk, and you're in a state that doesn't require consent for recording, record your conversations. Be brief, and cordial. If you can't record, then say you're busy, or make up excuses to not meet. She'll get the message. If she persists, keep records of her persisting.

The point is to not act guilty because nothing actually happened, and it'll look like she went spastic for no reason.

In terms of your business, and reputation, note that we have marked out Remembrance Day in the calendar to ensure we never forget about the atrocities committed in the past.

Our memory is horrible, to the point that, as a population, we can forget unimaginable horrors. Everyone also has too much going on in their own lives to be overly concerned about what others are doing or not doing for too long.

Given these factors, if you lay low, and play it cool for a while, hopefully things will settle down on their own. By then, you can also change your company name, rebrand, and continue doing what you did, having incorporated the lessons learned from before.

[–]positiveredpill[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks so much

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Hopefully, you've learned that there's a cost associated with every decision you make. This includes living a promiscuous lifestyle.

You deserve to get raped because of how you dressed you stupid slut. /s

[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Who said anything about deserve? A lot of people are unaware of the possible downsides to a player lifestyle, that's all.

The more you fuck around the more likely you are to run into boyfriends/husbands, ex's, jealous orbiters, crazy girls, vengeful girls, family members, jealous friends (yours/hers), STDs, pregnancies (false or true), rape/harassment allegations, isolation from society, loneliness, etc.

None of it is guaranteed to happen. However, the chances of shit happening increase as you up your N-count. This is because everyone is invested in sex at an instinctual level, which creates jealousy and envy.

It's comparable to money. If one of your friends started making 10 times more than you, you would absolutely be envious, and it would also make a lot of other people envious. Some people would act on that envy, which is a reason why wealthy people befriend other wealthy people, because it's less likely to cause such issues.

Regarding your example of dressing like a slut, girls know they're doing it for attention but there's no way to limit that attention to only people who don't have ill intentions. Thus, the cost.

It's the same thing as mouthing off too much. Wrong person, wrong time, and you end up in the hospital if you're lucky.

No one deserves bad things happening to them, but the likelihood increases simply by garnering more attention. Should you live in fear then? Of course not. It's important to be aware of the other side though.

"There is no such thing as a free lunch."

[–]mustache_ride_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nice text-wall, definitely hit a nerve. Maybe think next time you open your mouth.

[–]kellykebab16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This shit is so retarded. Either have a debaucherous culture with the freedom to party in a high risk/low responsibility environment and accept that every once in a while, you're going to have a bad night or have a puritan culture with a competent patriarchy and benevolent protectionism for women. It's one or the other, you can't have both.

The more people try to micromanage party zones the more we're going to have hypocrisy, paranoia, and people constantly looking over their shoulders while drunk to see if they have permission to have fun.

If you want to get trashed and act like a heathen, you have to accept that sometimes things won't go the way you planned (obviously this doesn't excuse any actual violence). If you want to be protected and safe from "predators," bring back the church and marriage at age 21.

This having your cake and eating it too shit is completely unsustainable

[–]BurnoTaurus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Think about the zoo. Everyone wants to have the experience of wild animals. nobody wants to get hurt doing it.

The point is the complete and utter virtualization of life. so that all of life appears to us as though it were images on a screen. as real as being there without having to endure the pain

[–]FillySapper4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah l got some advice. Choose your friends wisely, including the ones you sleep with.

[–]PolesWithGoals3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Move to a less progressive place and lawyer up

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What makes you think a less progressive place is gonna tolerate this stuff?

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Less progressive places = less retards/PoundMeToo cultists

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Being smart enough to see through the #MeToo nonsense doesn't mean you'll be given a free pass to be a slut, especially by conservative Christian types who are happy to beat the shit out of you if you look at their daughter wrong way.

[–]PolesWithGoals0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s not how they are at all but ok

[–]BobLordOfTheCows2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Change the name of your company, have someone else be the face of it.

[–]-ThePathIsTheGoal-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This might also be a good reason to promote not sleeping with girls who have boyfriends. I really don’t see that talked about enough on TRP. In fact it’s somewhat applauded and encouraged to a slight degree.

Yes, red pill can teach HOW to do it with ease, but a possible consequence is what OP is seeing here. The girl can resort to saying she was raped to avoid looking like a cheater and a slut.

A true abundance mentality would naturally deter you from sleeping with women at work( because it’s not worth the risk) and sleeping with girls in relationships (because it’s also not worth the risk).

There’s plenty of others to go around.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hire an attorney and sue her.

[–]Throwaway-2424245 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

she was on molly

LMAO do people actually believe that MDMA is essentially interchangeable with roofies or something?

[–]if_i_could_trade 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

MDMA isn't interchangeable with roofies, but it certainly fucking alters your ability to consent if you've had an appreciable dose.

I've done plenty of shit on MDMA I never would have agreed to sober.

[–]dadfrombrad0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

It increases your sex drive, and if you knew what you signed up for your choice are your choices. You are still responsible for your actions. Consenting to sex was one of those.

[–]FuccboiChad1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You honestly need to consult with a lawyer

[–]PhaedrusHunt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

OK an ounce of prevention first. Without trashing you let's look where you blew it.

slepped with a women who had a boyfriend Did you know this? Did you know HIM? I caution guys about banging taken women for a reason.

You know she's not yours. But some dude might think she's HIS.

we were at a party One of YOUR parties? Please say no. How'd you get caught? He see? Someone else she? She just tell him? Were you making out in front of everyone, or did you fuck her right there and people knew it was going on? You can be wild without being skeezy.

she claimed i took advantage of her because she was on molly (it was 10000 percent consentual, I beleive she just wanted to cover her ass because her bf found out). Of COURSE she said this of COURSE it's a lie. Bit this day and age, this is why you only do this shit while you have complete frame. You didn't have frame with her, or frame was weak at best

a bit of a slut for awhile Sounds like you still are. I get it. Be careful. STDs are real. If you wanna do that just be more selective.

now the company and myself both have a bad reputation

Work with male club owners moving forward.

I live in a progressive city

Ugh. Same. I get it. You've been found guilty already.

[–]Anasthaesium1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you have resources aka money create a reputation management campaign and bomb the space with positive news and drown out the negative ones.

Source of knowledge - bouncing back from bankruptcy.

[–]PROJ3CT-R1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you built a successful music/party scene once, you can do it again.

If you have the cash and freedom to move then hit the road.

Make a new brand/social media and a new scene elsewhere, leave that mess behind.

Burn off the deadwood and rise like a Phoenix.

Good luck to you.

[–]Journeytoheal831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Relax. Its just a smear campaign. It will pass. People forget once something else happens.

[–]totesarealaccount973 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You didn't get metood, nothing legally is happening to you. A girl is talking shit on you and everyone believes her, which probably means you're just an asshole nobody likes.

[–]SalporinRP7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

nothing legally happened to Aziz Ansari or Louis CK either but they still got their reputations tarnished.

And no I've seen good guys get absolutely turned on by communities for shit like this.

[–]totesarealaccount97-4 points-3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is OP a famous comedian? No?

OP sounds like a drama queen bitch.

[–]Rodent92 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LAWYER LAWYER LAWYER. Getting a lawyer doesn’t necessarily mean getting the ‘law’ involved, but it’ll protect your ass in the future. Do it.

[–]dadfrombrad0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

300 million people, move change name change company name.

[–]positiveredpill[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your suggesting I legally change my name?

[–]dadfrombrad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

no the company name

[–]jaw86250 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

are you in NYC

[–]positiveredpill[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nope

[–]Nevesj98G0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude,i hope everything turns alright for you, ive not been trough the same but please lawyer up as said by other members. One of the ppl who Raised me is an important lawyer where we are from and PLEASE believe me brother, lawyer up só you can be ready to DEFEND YOURSELF. Hope things Turn out the best they can regarding the situation

[–]Casd120 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sue that hoe

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not only should you not shit where you eat, just straight up don't be a slut. You should have better things to do.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's over dude. If you can move then you'll have to start again but all it takes is word to come out and you're fucked forever.

Try to get a new identity.

[–]seaawolf-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dude.. I'm also a musician, and something similar happened to the bassist of my band.. You are pretty fucked. If you move it will potentially follow you, so I honestly wish you the best. Nonetheless, moving is your best bet.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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