I have so much trouble holding frame.

Parahnah · 2018-06-20T13:16:57+00:00

Everybody has good and bad days, your mood can go up and down, or it could be a chemical imbalance issue. There are lots of possible reasons, but that's not so important. What's important is that you recognise it and how you handle it. Take a break on your off days.. Eat a better diet to keep you more balanced. See a Dr about it. But don't give up.

Nitsujsith · 2018-06-20T14:36:35+00:00

Another thought when dealing with bullies/ people trying to power play you.

If you would not get on all fours for that person physically. Why do it mentally?

Kionjabb · 2018-06-20T15:28:37+00:00

Here's a thought... consider charting these 'lapses' against other elements in your life like blood sugar, caffeine intake, diet and quality of sleep - parse the pattern and maybe find a clue (because there are so many variables that can affect our general 'sharpness' - some we are aware of, others we seldom suspect).

If that doesn't bear fruit, don't panic... as long as your wins outnumber your losses and you aren't totally miserable, then carry on in earnest.

Part of the reason it is called 'holding frame' is because it is not everyone's factory pre-set. It doesn't always come naturally... the struggle is to make sure that one day it does - until then there will be ups and downs.

redhawkes · 2018-06-20T15:30:27+00:00

Six months is not enough for your subconscious mind to reprogram and forget the old patterns (habits) that you've been doing your whole life.

This happens to everyone at first, then as you slowly change your habits, they sink in your subconscience and you internalize them.

The only answer is to keep doing what you're doing, it's like mastering something, you need time and practicing.

Get into meditation if you're not already, it helps you to be present and aware of this thoughts, then just return to your frame.

philbignig · 2018-06-20T15:21:44+00:00

Im like this when im getting little sleep, or in a calorie deficit

cl3537 · 2018-06-20T15:31:15+00:00

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

'Mark Twain

There is nothing wrong with being quiet at times, just keep positive body language and eye contact. The smartest people listen more than they speak and their words are considered powerful.

Mikesnm · 2018-06-20T15:56:19+00:00

Simply decide that you’re gonna get there. Correct your frame every time you get off course. Over and over and over. Then over again. This is your life. It’s gonna take a long time to reprogram. But if you persist, relentlessly, I promise you’ll became that guy.

balalasaurus · 2018-06-20T16:19:23+00:00

These things take time. Your awakening is just one step in a larger journey. The sooner you understand that and accept it, the quicker you’ll grow.

There will be days when you feel like you’re regressing. Days when you feel like your progress has been for nothing. This is entirely normal and happens even to the most seasoned RP vets. It’s a consequence of being aware.

Key to this is to remind yourself that it is a continual process of growth and rebuilding. That above all you are doing this to be the best version of yourself and not for anyone’s whim or pleasure. It will not be easy, believe me I know. But the alternative is to live in BP delusion. Something I’d wager you do not want.

Nitsujsith · 2018-06-20T14:10:34+00:00

A few things to think about. Life is not linear, there is always opposites and life fluctuates between spectrums Day/Night On/Off Warm/Cold Summer/Winter Male/Female Chaos/Order Etc

Don’t expect to be Chad Thundercock 24/7. An example of this is myself. Some times Im reserved and calm other times I am a social psycopath. Sometimes I have women in my life sometimes I dont (Stoicism). The best thing you could do is have some compassion for yourself & try some of these things.

-Hypnosis Affirmations -Visualization -Bioenergetics/deepening voice (Elliot Hulse)

-Letting go of trying to one up people unless they challenge/shit test you -Getting Physically stronger

-Changing your idea of who you are. This may be the biggest thing. Your body will physically and mentally reject when you try to do this. Thats why hypnosis and affirmations work.

If Self Improvement is doing more harm than good. Let all that shit go and dont try to improve your life. You will either feel inadequate because you have to do all these things to feel a certain way or feel good enough already and dont need to do anything. Very complex topic.

To conclude,

The only limit you have in life, is the one you set on yourself.

Let that sentence sink in, read it over and over. ^

resnine · 2018-06-20T14:22:33+00:00

It's called depression, it happens to all of us. Also you should realize as an introvert you charge your batteries when you are alone and those batteries get drained when you are out with people. Some days your batteries will be fully charged and you'll be able to go up to chicks and flirt like there's no tomorrow. Then the next day your batteries are going to be drained from all that stimulation. You really got to look at life as a battery at times, especially when you are an introvert.

norolemod3l · 2018-06-21T01:33:39+00:00

I can relate

TimPartendale · 2018-06-20T16:31:35+00:00

The best way to hold frame when you fear you can’t is to be silent and not get emotional. You can always reassess or reevaluate most social situations at a later time.

Another default is to be amused, smile/grin and laugh at most situations. Although when done inappropriately, you’ll look nervous or foolish. So use this one a bit more cautiously.

Original_Username7 · 2018-06-21T01:00:41+00:00

You may be an introvert and/or a High Sensitive Person (hsperson.com). This in no way means you can't be outgoing, dominant, alpha and hold frame, you just may need to keep track of your energy levels and better understand how your nervous system works. I'm this way and, through scheduling, I make sure I'm rested up, have good self care, and good thought habits, so that when I want to be on my social game, i dominate. No one believes me when I tell them I'm not an extrovert. If this is you too, in some ways this can be a superpower, you can be really good at reading people, and thereby, influencing them.

dulkemaru51 · 2018-06-21T03:51:16+00:00

People have done it to me my whole life but the past few months I’ve really opened it up

So there's progress.

I want to end this shit I want to come out of this, I want to become the best possible me I can be

Going forward.

any advice would be obliged

Keep going.

neoda1 · 2018-06-20T13:07:26+00:00

Cant wait for a person to really answer this bc i can be on the boat just like you sometimes. Its less and less everyday but i think its just playing over time and trying to get it naturally. Learning everyday .

AlfredKinsey · 2018-06-20T16:48:45+00:00

So, let's try to tackle this on a lower level, i.e. rather than trying to fix your frame, let's works on the smaller components of said "frame," which is a horribly abstract thing, anyway.

First: you say that you have self-esteem trouble, so work on your self-esteem. Don't only practice positive self image when you are in those situations you find stressful: being around bugger dude's, being around women, whatever. The achievements in the beginning of your post should be in your back pocket when you get down in yourself.

Second: look at the situations you described. Maybe make a list of specific situations you find stressful. Maybe rank them based on level of fear and importance of improving your response. Expose yourself to these stimuli, gradually if you have to.

Finally: this is bit broader, but I think good, advice about frame.... You mentioned thinking of what to say next. I'm sure there is nuance to this statement and I don't know your life, but... in my opinion, the strongest energy is more relaxed and confident than this.

Don't be thinking or trying too hard. If you are, you're probably not in a flow state. Of course, faking it and working hard is part of the journey, but it is important to understand that a more outcome independent attitude is sexy. Selfish bonus: it makes socialising less stressful for YOU.

Also gonna reflect "people have always done this to me" and "anger" back at you. These attitudes are going to plug up your fun-loving self. Victimhood and anger make for a bad social foundation that will poison your interactions.

Dextorian · 2018-06-20T16:59:31+00:00

Listen bro, these things take time! Just keep noting when you lapse on frame! If you feel like your struggling visualise a moment when you did hold your frame! Feels good right! Keep doing that, what a lot of people don’t say is listen your going to fail sometimes. just get back up dust yourself off and jump back on and ride that shit into submission!

MuhTriggersGuise · 2018-06-20T17:10:30+00:00

Trying to perform to impress women is being in their frame. Your frame should be having fun getting to bs with people and joke around, not trying to impress random skirts. Treating women's attention as a competition to be won is not maintaining frame, and is not recognizing yourself as the prize.

zboo1h · 2018-06-20T17:49:42+00:00

Were you raised by a single mom? People who are unfortunate enough to be raised by a single mom usually have a lot of trouble standing their ground, trouble saying "no", because as a child standing your ground or saying "no" to an abusive single mom could potentially get you killed, and over time you learn to internalize that appeasement mechanism and unconsciously apply it to everyone in your life.

Practice saying no. Do it when you least feel capable of it.

SirAttackHelicopter · 2018-06-20T18:03:48+00:00

Get back up, dust off, learn from your mistakes, and try again. 6 months is just the tip of the iceberg. The biggest issue with boys growing up in the modern world is their dependence on instant gratification. That needs to be weeded out of your life.

MattyAnon · 2018-06-20T18:43:59+00:00

s And then it’s like I wake up one day and I forget how, forget what to say back to people and how to say things, I fucking lose it.

Takes time to grow into

Elitevaz · 2018-06-20T18:51:04+00:00

I get triggered by certain things as I analyze what people say. I don't know how to explain it, I'll be normal one second, someone will take a jab at me and then it happens. My mind goes into witty mode and I start countering. When they are out of my proximity, I go back to normal.

gunsliquorstrippers · 2018-06-20T19:02:12+00:00

I have the same problem, and what ALWAYS works for me is getting and staying in state. IE I listen to an Owen cook motivational speech and I’m ready to grab life by the balls

ectoplasmic1 · 2018-06-20T20:41:38+00:00

One thing you can do is observe yourself and study the things that trigger you emotionally. Then ask yourself why they trigger you, and journal the responses. Within time, you'll develop a map of your mind.

Working through those things, is a life-long task. But worthwhile.

imsorted · 2018-06-20T23:32:24+00:00

Because you’ve got a frame to hold. Learn to not give a shit at all

Title	I have so much trouble holding frame.
Author	send_it_for_the_boys
Upvotes	55
Comments	50
Date	June 20, 2018 11:34 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8shkpu/i_have_so_much_trouble_holding_frame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-have-so-much-trouble-holding-frame.785 https://theredarchive.com/post/785