I'm on a strict diet now, I just got in my weights to enshre I can lift every day (setting alm that up today actually), but this entire weekend, I didn't leave the house even once. In fact, I barely even left my bed.

I've dealt with depression before, but while I can't completely rule it out, this feels more like... just habit. I don't like going out by myself, I don't even like running basic errands. This really is how I've pretty much always lived my life; stay at home, unless something absolutely demands I leave.

And really, the part that's really bothering me, is this realization that nothing good ever really happens, even when I do go out. Especially lately, I've put on quite a bit of weight, so I feel like I'm at my lowest point, but also I'm 30 years old now, and that number has really been messing with my head. It kind kf shocks you into the realization that "you are who you are right now, you're not just gonna become some cool, interesting person when you grow up" anymore.

I just don't know anymore. I feel fucking lost, man. I'm not the kind of man I want to be, I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, or if I have it in me to actually do anything. This diet and exercise routine will hopefully help, but I still don't really know what I'm even working towards anymore.