I realized that most of the goals I made to improve myself were just there to impress those around me.

Leonardslemons · 2020-06-08T03:46:21+00:00

It’s not going to change overnight, but your head is in the right place. As long as you are aware of it, and want to make a change, you’ll make the right choices, and maybe that involves to keep doing what you are doing. Maybe the lesson here is that, although you got into those things for the wrong reasons, you can say that you love them.

ASTRA-LUX · 2020-06-08T03:33:41+00:00

Self betterment and improvement should be for your own personal benefit, not others. Immerse yourself in things/hobbies you like and enjoy. The fruits of your hard labor are yours and yours only.

peacemakerzzz · 2020-06-08T08:50:40+00:00

On the outset it may seem as such, but if you think about it, the things you mentioned are for your own benefit. Your mind will tell you otherwise if you’re not happy with what you’re doing. Also, validation is a natural part of life. That’s just how the way the world works.

Meloxian · 2020-06-08T11:27:13+00:00

The foundation for your motives can be external, so long as what keeps those motivations consistant is internal.

I started weightlifting for a chick, after she dumped me like two years back I used it as fuel- that was the reason, does that mean I should quit lifting because my foundation was external? Fuck no, I’ve grown to really enjoy weightlifting, so at this point my motivation is internal, I do it because I like the feeling and the change I see mentally, emotionally and especially physically, it maybe a bit narcissistic but I do it because I like it.

Motivations change over time.

TehJimmyy · 2020-06-09T00:24:40+00:00

OP:

This has been etched in my mind from a long time now and recurs with every sleepless night I have. I realized that most of my goals, namely, bodybuilding, meditation, reading, etc, were set up by me not for myself but for others in hopes of being looked up to as 'that cool guy'. Don't get me wrong, I love bodybuilding, meditation, reading, and yada yada, but I hate where my motives lay. I despise the thought of chasing validation around like a carrot on a stick.

So basically the foundation and motivation of my dreams and goals are for others? Man thats fucking bullshit. I mean isn't the point of self improvement to be independent and to make your life your own? How is that possible in my case when I depend on others so much for their validation? I want to stop living my life for the sake of others. I want to not give a fuck anymore.

asskisser · 2020-06-08T08:57:06+00:00

I wish someone had some nice insight on this, I feel the same. I want to not care and live my own life - but even that, I want it to be empowered and get more women...

alfred311 · 2020-06-08T05:01:22+00:00

So eating healthy, fitness, feeding your mind knowledge is for other people? Believe me in my work, when someone is brought to the hospital destroying themselves such as diabetics, heart disease or accidents due to drugs or alcohol, you will thank the redpill by teaching you to take care of yourself, its just a bonus that other people is drawn to your physique but ultimately the benefits is yours and yours alone

ExaltedR3V3NG3 · 2020-06-08T09:12:13+00:00

Using your hobbies as a framework, maybe you can frame them so that your motivation to do them is on yourself and not others.
You can still lift in order to look good (or be stronger), your self-esteem..., your desire to compete so you can challenge yourself (though I'm not fond of bodybuilding competitions); you can read the books you want so you can learn something of your interest, learn new words/languages/refresh grammar/etc.; and you can meditate so you can work better, relax, reduce stress... so you feel better.
In these examples, there are no third persons involved: Maybe you bodybuild to impress ladies, maybe you read to express opinions on the latest New York Times Best-seller or you meditate because relaxation improves your frame/game/attitude/etc. to attract people into you. See the difference?

Finally, none of those things are inherently bad, and ditching those hobbies would probably be a mistake for anyone who wants to self-improve. My tip would be to keep it, just re-frame why you do it and off you go.

impotentludius · 2020-06-08T14:39:10+00:00

we are human, we like attention. it’s normal.

Huntbutt · 2020-06-09T05:07:00+00:00

Goals are something i consider recently a lot so ill share my thoughts (even tho you prolly dont givee a fuck, but my idea may help you idk)

what if it can impress you and those around you, but the goal is stemming from you not validation ??

ideally any great goal would do this

cheers bruh

Ekhochambeer · 2020-06-09T10:43:25+00:00

We are social creatures, we need vlidation. Best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with like minded mates whose validatiom you care about, rather than getting it from somewhere like girls or stramgers

le_wolfe · 2020-06-09T19:10:23+00:00

Wow, you've really got self aware with all that meditation. Give yourself a pat on the back.

PritM13 · 2020-06-10T03:53:03+00:00

I totally get that, and whether we do it for ourselves or we do it to impress others, we can't deny the fact we love that feeling when we see people around us are getting impressed. We as social beings derive pleasure by giving others a great experience, that experience being "Me! You're Welcome!" . At the same time, I'd be a little cautious that I'm not lying to myself about who I am when I'm making those goals - those goals should be around areas that I'm really passionate about, while impressing others could be a motivation that is required for the push

rplad420 · 2020-06-08T13:53:33+00:00

Dont think about it much.

All that you are doing will benefit you alot but will also benefit the people around you since you will be a better person.

Kizzou · 2020-06-08T14:35:09+00:00

We are social creatures to our core so I believe its almost impossible to completely disconnect from seeking validation. Recognize it for what it is; which you have, and dont beat yourself up for it. We operate within culture and culture is a conformity and narrowing of perception mechanism. That's going to influence your choices

With that being said those hobbies you mention are seen as valuable both individually and societally. So just focus on the individual benefits. It takes time to slap around that conformity part of you so that your true self can be expressed.

eddiebluudy · 2020-06-08T18:01:23+00:00

We are in the same place! But because of you I have realized, thank you! Best of luck

FinallyRed · 2020-06-08T19:19:53+00:00

There are any number of bullshit things you could do to play the status game. In the end, you'll probably never actually do any of it that you don't also get personal value from, at least not for long without becoming miserable. It's up to you: lean toward the things you enjoy that get you denigrated by society like MLP or some shit, or lean toward the things that benefit you and also earn you status like lifting and making money.

Title	I realized that most of the goals I made to improve myself were just there to impress those around me.
Author	Tater__thot
Upvotes	184
Comments	22
Date	June 8, 2020 3:17 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/gyqw3z/i_realized_that_most_of_the_goals_i_made_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-realized-that-most-of-the-goals-i-made-to.671582 https://theredarchive.com/post/671582