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In social interactions, what are some "notes" you repeat or games you play in your head to maintain frame?

October 29, 2014

I'm trying to break my habits of shitty body language. To start, I found it useful to play a game in my head for better eye contact: If I divert my gaze when speaking or being spoken to, my conversational partner gains a point. If my conversational partner looks away, I gain a point.

I try to "win" every conversation I have, and I think it's drastically helped, even in other aspects like walking around town. Instead of looking at the ground, I've noticed myself comfortably and unconsciously walking around with my head up, eyes forward.

I'm wondering if anyone can suggest other challenges, games, or even things they repeat in their head during social interaction that have helped maintain an improved body language.

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Post Information
Title In social interactions, what are some "notes" you repeat or games you play in your head to maintain frame?
Author Sketti-Os
Upvotes 8
Comments 18
Date October 29, 2014 1:56 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/in-social-interactions-what-are-some-notes-you.143208
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2kob0z/in_social_interactions_what_are_some_notes_you/
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 5 points5 points | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]SuperPhiSwag1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

AHAHHAAH that's awesome as fuck!

[–]Sketti-Os[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

How do I get some of whatever you're on?

[–]alpha_n3rd1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How do you get some RP? You read the sidebar, fool. ;)

[–]Sketti-Os[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Redpill sounds like high-grade hallucinogenics right about now...

[–]CNThrow 5 points5 points [recovered] | Copy Link

I like your idea of making conversations a game. I would personally double the point value if the person looks down instead of to the side. I've noticed that for whatever reason, looking down instead of left or right has a huge impact on the social dynamic.

I do a similar thing when I'm out around town. If I'm on the metro, and I accidentally make eye contact with a stranger, I always do my best to look away second. At first I was terrible at it, but I improved.

[–]Sketti-Os[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Awesome, I have been trying to do that as well on the T. Just left DC, actually (I'm assuming that's where you're from, unless there's other subway systems called the Metro).

Do you have any difference in protocol when eye-contact is made with an attractive female than with some Joe Schmo? I'm straight-faced with most people when I try to maintain eye contact, but try to put on a smirk for a cutie. Good or bad practice?

[–]Johnny10toes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The thing is that it's not terrible to look away first as long as you don't look back. It is more looking away to disregard the person as a threat.

[–]TomilloDanup2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some time ago I read this book. "What Everybody is Saying" a book on bodylanguage by an ex FBI agent. Here's the link on amazon http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 It was a very fun read.

So now, for fun and practice when I'm surronded by people or talking to someone I pay atention to every detail on their body language, and try to change mine accordingly sometimes to mess with them or ease the interaction.

Try it.

Edit: a word

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's actually...An awesome idea. Kudos, making everything a game automatically helps you take the lead, because you're not as invested in the conversation as your partner in the matter.

I personally just ask myself "How would you talk, how would you look, how would you act, what will you do knowing this girl is going to fuck you?" It's more of a self improvement, and helps to have a physical sentence to block out any approach anxiety, such as "What if she doesn't like me?"

Honestly, it helps me be a cocky motherfucker, even in the most unpleasant situations.

[–]SuperPhiSwag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Genius Idea bro! I'm gonna turn this whole shit into an easy system.

But why do you lose a point for diverting gaze while he's speaking? Diverting your gaze while someone is speaking shows disinterest. Is your goal to stare at them like a subordinate the entire time?

And vice versa, if your partner looks away.. he's showing disinterest. Why would you get a point for that?

Edit:Unless you meant by looking at the ground.. If your partner is looking at the ground.. you're playing the point game with the wrong people.

[–]rain_delay0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When I think about frame I literally think of picture frame around me. Inside that frame are the things I want others to see about me. It's my self portrait I present to the world. If I do anything to break frame, I'm literally breaking the frame around my own self portrait and that isn't attractive at all.

[–]RobertCarraway0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One big trick I use is establishing a mindset of "this is my turf" whenever I feel uncomfortable. I think our willingness to make eye contact is significantly related to our perception of our environment as hostile or friendly. In a bar, for example, I'll spend a few minutes visualizing the bar as my bar, where everyone else is just a guest. This sets a frame where I feel more comfortable and in control, and eye contact and other body language signals tend to improve. You can do it anywhere. The neighborhood, house, street etc can all be considered your turf.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Whoever leans in loses power and appears needy. Stand tall or lean back

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Whoever leans in loses power and appears needy.

  1. Bullshit, it can also convey a sense of interest, or caring, or...

  2. Going through life worrying about minutiae like "what is the power dynamic of leaning forward" is a miserable way to live.

[–]SuperPhiSwag1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. Not in the majority of cases.

  2. Yes. But after doing it a dozen times he will automatically be doing it subconsciously forever. Therefore, he won't go through life worrying about it.

[–]1truchisoft0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't we agree about fake it till you make it?

I did a couple of weeks of Power Poses consciously and now my body adapted, this week I noticed myself doing them unconsciously.

This should be the same.

[–]SuperPhiSwag1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


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