In social interactions, what are some "notes" you repeat or games you play in your head to maintain frame?

[deleted] · 2014-10-29T21:31:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

CNThrow · 2014-10-29T15:16:49+00:00

I like your idea of making conversations a game. I would personally double the point value if the person looks down instead of to the side. I've noticed that for whatever reason, looking down instead of left or right has a huge impact on the social dynamic.

I do a similar thing when I'm out around town. If I'm on the metro, and I accidentally make eye contact with a stranger, I always do my best to look away second. At first I was terrible at it, but I improved.

TomilloDanup · 2014-10-29T21:14:57+00:00

Some time ago I read this book. "What Everybody is Saying" a book on bodylanguage by an ex FBI agent. Here's the link on amazon http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294 It was a very fun read.

So now, for fun and practice when I'm surronded by people or talking to someone I pay atention to every detail on their body language, and try to change mine accordingly sometimes to mess with them or ease the interaction.

Try it.

Edit: a word

[deleted] · 2014-10-29T17:48:33+00:00

That's actually...An awesome idea. Kudos, making everything a game automatically helps you take the lead, because you're not as invested in the conversation as your partner in the matter.

I personally just ask myself "How would you talk, how would you look, how would you act, what will you do knowing this girl is going to fuck you?" It's more of a self improvement, and helps to have a physical sentence to block out any approach anxiety, such as "What if she doesn't like me?"

Honestly, it helps me be a cocky motherfucker, even in the most unpleasant situations.

SuperPhiSwag · 2014-10-29T20:16:04+00:00

Genius Idea bro! I'm gonna turn this whole shit into an easy system.

But why do you lose a point for diverting gaze while he's speaking? Diverting your gaze while someone is speaking shows disinterest. Is your goal to stare at them like a subordinate the entire time?

And vice versa, if your partner looks away.. he's showing disinterest. Why would you get a point for that?

Edit:Unless you meant by looking at the ground.. If your partner is looking at the ground.. you're playing the point game with the wrong people.

rain_delay · 2014-10-29T21:37:05+00:00

When I think about frame I literally think of picture frame around me. Inside that frame are the things I want others to see about me. It's my self portrait I present to the world. If I do anything to break frame, I'm literally breaking the frame around my own self portrait and that isn't attractive at all.

RobertCarraway · 2014-10-30T04:21:13+00:00

One big trick I use is establishing a mindset of "this is my turf" whenever I feel uncomfortable. I think our willingness to make eye contact is significantly related to our perception of our environment as hostile or friendly. In a bar, for example, I'll spend a few minutes visualizing the bar as my bar, where everyone else is just a guest. This sets a frame where I feel more comfortable and in control, and eye contact and other body language signals tend to improve. You can do it anywhere. The neighborhood, house, street etc can all be considered your turf.

bicepsblastingstud · 2014-10-29T14:21:58+00:00

Whoever leans in loses power and appears needy. Stand tall or lean back

Title	In social interactions, what are some "notes" you repeat or games you play in your head to maintain frame?
Author	Sketti-Os
Upvotes	8
Comments	18
Date	October 29, 2014 1:56 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/askTRP
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/in-social-interactions-what-are-some-notes-you.143208 https://theredarchive.com/post/143208
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2kob0z/in_social_interactions_what_are_some_notes_you/