Kissing other girls while in LTR

May 16, 2018
2 upvotes

Hi Redpillers,

I am 35yo and have been in a relationship with a 28yo girl for 4 years, we live together.

Anytime I have a chance to do something with another girl, I will take it.

- Go to club with friend, kiss a hot girl, done a few times.

- Have an affaire with a sport teammate, done .

- Sleeping with an ex, done.

And after I just go home like if nothing had ever happened, she has no idea. We are happy together. It's like... if I had a dark side that she is oblivious about.

Does it happen to you too? Am I fucked up? Most of my friends are what you describe BluePills and can't even apprehend the concept of cheating. I feel different.

Cheers

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Post Information
Title Kissing other girls while in LTR
Author Bruchibre
Upvotes 2
Comments 64
Date May 16, 2018 9:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/kissing-other-girls-while-in-ltr.97361
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/8jtmfv/kissing_other_girls_while_in_ltr/
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Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen36 points37 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Most of my friends are what you describe BluePills and can't even apprehend the concept of cheating.

Cheating is the behaviour of a chump. If you had abundance mentality you would establish a frame for the relationship where you can fuck other women with your partner knowing about it or you'd let her go and find somebody who will accept it.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Do you really think it would be a better option? I think not. If I openly sleep with other girls, then she will sleep with other guys, what does it make us, swingers?

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If I openly sleep with other girls, then she will sleep with other guys

obviously not if you don#t accept it

[–]vileoat3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

You didn't get it.. It is possible to establish relationship that is open only on one side. You are a man and want abundance though your main woman is potentialy mother of YOUR future kids and therefor can't fuck somebody but you.

[–]DayGameChirality3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

though your main woman is potentialy mother of YOUR future kids and therefor can't fuck somebody but you.

That doesn't make sense dude. There are paternity tests available.

[–]MisterRoid0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You can't do a paternity test early in the pregnancy, and I assume you don't want to care for another man's disgusting offspring even though it's still in her belly.

[–]DayGameChirality1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't need to care just yet. Wait until you've tested. If it's not your child, it's not your bussiness anymore. Go on with your life. Profit.

If you want to forbid your woman from having sex with anyone else than you while having sex with other women yourself (for whatever emotional reasons you have), just do so, but don't try to DEER it by pretending you're living in a fantasy place where paternity tests don't exists. Just do it.

[–]RomeNeverFell5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah that really sounds autistic. I've been with many girls who loved me truly, but none of them would have ever accepted anything like that without going crazy or reciprocating.

Let's keep TRP pragmatic, shall we?

[–]letmereadthatshit8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I cheated on my girl told the truth I said if she wanted to leave it was okay and that I couldn't control...well she didn't leave and said that she loved me anyways since I like her alot now she's my main girl and I have other plates and she's fine .

[–]badaod1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

that’s best practice. i would always prefer that over lying.

I did the same with a plate and she left. I did like her a lot but I did not bother her again as she wanted to move on.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you win !

[–]Store_Front_Door12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

As long as it doesn't bother you who gives a fuck what we think. There's no right or wrong, if your moral compass doesn't tingle- do whatever the fuck you want.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I agree with you. Still I wanted to vent a bit and see what the reactions would be on this sub. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has such a double life.

[–]Store_Front_Door0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't hamster trying to look for validation when pulling off shit like this. Accept the reality- the relationship won't last and you're not man enough to break it up and not waste each other's time, like /u/vandaalen said. But when it comes to opinions of others- it doesn't matter as long as you stay true to yourself and don't try to hide behind lies.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't hamster trying to look for validation when pulling off shit like this.

Disagree

Accept the reality- the relationship won't last

Disagree

and you're not man enough to break it up

Agree

and not waste each other's time,

Disagree

like u/vandaalen said.

Not sure that's what he said

But when it comes to opinions of others- it doesn't matter as long as you stay true to yourself

Agree

and don't try to hide behind lies.

Disagree

[–]markmcccc11 points12 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Out of curiosity how would you react if you found out she was doing the same?

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Who gives a fuck. This isn't about her.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you give the best answers my friend, I like you

[–]Bruchibre[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Kissing, I think I could live with it. Penetrative sex, I'd break up.

[–]badaod1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Would protected sex be okay?

Maybe read “The unchained man” for more info on that topic. I totally see where you are coming from and I think you can still have a happy LTR, even marriage and kids.

The only thing I would be very cautious is lying. if you tell her you would never even kiss someone else, then you are wasting mindspace big time. (i think i heard that from Sam Harris and I also experienced it)

even small lies occupy the head and distract you from what’s really important: your mission.

Does that make any sense?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Protected or not would be the same: not OK I think. If it's OK it means we are swingers, I don't want another man to touch my girl.

I will look for it thanks for the advice.

I don't lie a lot, I don't have to. She doesn't ask me questions.

What mission are you referring to?

It makes lots of sense. "Always tell the truth, it makes less things to remember".

[–]badaod0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

yeah that’s good then. in case she asks I would say: “you know i would never lie to you. but i would like to have privacy on a lot of things including how i spend my free time, what i think internally, etc etc. so please consider very carefully what you want to ask, if it is really important, and if you can live with the answer.”

has anyone else experience with this?

How did it work out?

To me this is the only chance to solve the dilemma of ‘needing to spin some plates and still being honest’

[–]Bruchibre[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

please consider very carefully what you want to ask, if it is really important, and if you can live with the answer

that's what I say when a girl asks me "how many girls have you been with" or "did you sleep with this girl?".

[–]badaod0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

what’s the answer normally?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Change subject :)

Important is to do it all the time, not only if the answer is yes

[–]badaod0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

no, i mean: what is their answer. do they want to know?

(yeah, sidestepping is the default for sure. or some crazy exaggeration)

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I was saying, most of the time they change subject :) I guess they don't really want to know. Every time my current LTR has raised the subject and I asked her if she really wanted to know, she changed the subject.

The previous one would ask "did you sleep with that girl" (friend of mine) and at the beginning if I asked do you really want to know she would say yes. One day she asked me if I ever had a threesome and I asked she said actually she didn't want to know.

[–]-StupidFace-22 points23 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

this isn't how you build a solid lasting relationship.

[–]purplefidgetmidget6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yet TRP hinges on the fact that there's no such thing... it's just your turn.

[–]-StupidFace-0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

you never find something you never look for.......funny how that works right?

[–]purplefidgetmidget1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Are you saying your unicorn LTR is out there somewhere

[–]-StupidFace-0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

LTR aren't unicorns. You both like each other, and you both get along...its easy as that, its not magic.

[–]purplefidgetmidget0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

So what did your comment mean about never finding something you never look for? What should you be looking for?

It sounded from the context that I was saying you never find a girl you can keep forever, and you were saying that because I don't look for a girl I can keep forever I will never find one.

Sounds like I got confused, could you clarify what you meant?

[–]-StupidFace-0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

if you look for a girl with the intention of dating and hanging around them longer then just some quick meaningless sex, you will look for different things in the person. Sex is the easy part...can you stand to be around them after that?? that is the part you need to look for.... once you find it you date for a while and see if it sticks... you'll figure out within a year or two if you can go the distance..if you can't bail out and continue the search.

Go into it looking for the complete package...not 1/4 of the package.

[–]purplefidgetmidget0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

But you upgrade a plate to LTR, you don't start with an LTR.

You meet someone you like, hit it off, fuck them a bunch, then if you think you like them upgrade them to LTR, if not, plate or ghost.

I'm not sure how you'd get to know if someone was LTR material before you were having sex with them.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

While I agree with you in principle, it's been 4 years now. Solid and lasting. Maybe that's the thing, I like her a lot but am not ready to commit or anything. If you ask me "do you want to marry her one day?" I will think no I don't plan to. I started behaving like that when relationships has an expiry date. But once you open the door, it's hard to close it.

[–]-StupidFace-0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

if you know she isn't wife material leave now and continue the search. No point in wasting each others time on an empty outcome.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't know. She is totally wife material, some friends are jealous. I'm just not sure. For now it's good. She's not asking for more commitment.

[–]-StupidFace-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

but if you are running around on her its obvious she isn't doing it for you.

She might be wife material, just for someone else. If shes being good and holding up her end, you running around behind her back doing what you are doing is just flat dishonest and disrespectful.

cut the cord if is how you will conduct yourself. She deserves better, and you've just admitted you aren't it.

Man up, and clean up, this isn't how you lead a productive life.

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Does SHE also believe you have no plans for marriage? Or are you living out your fantasy and lying often?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

She said she doesn't want to get married anytime soon. She has things to achieve professionally in life before.

[–]Retstortion2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I do this all the time. Do not feel bad about it. If you don’t do it, she will.

[–]AshyBoneVR44 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This is entirely my way of thinking and just my personal opinion. But in all honesty, how would you feel if she did the same to you? If you'd be ok with it, then it really doesn't matter. If you wouldn't be ok with it, then stop. It has nothing to do with male or female. You're just being a hypocrite. I think you already know and understand this which is why you wanted to come here to hear what others have to say about it.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't know if I would be OK or not because it hasn't happened yet. Do you like this answer?

Maybe she has banged 20 people and she is even better than me at hiding her tracks.

[–]AshyBoneVR42 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why are you asking me if I like the answer? It's not my life. I'm not gonna sit here a judge a stranger I've never met. You just sound like you have a lot you need to figure out about yourself.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You sound like you're taking yourself too seriously and don't understand sarcasm

[–]TheRedPillMonkey2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The main issue is this: cheating is about nothing more than lying.

Lying is inheritly beta. Your not telling someone exactly what you want or what you think because you're not strong enough to stomach the consequences. Beta af.

You can fuck other chicks and not lie. Just tell her that's what is going to happen. A one sided open relationship. If she leaves, then she was a woman who wouldn't truely make you happy anyway so fuck it. You're caring way too much about keeping her to tell her what you really want to do.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Grow a pair and stop hiding abhorrent behavior. Why get into an LTR if you intend to cheat?
I was in a one-way marriage; I had a pass to engage other women, but my (ex)wife wasn’t allowed to be with other men. I found out she was just a shitty LTR and ended up getting a divorce.
Don’t fake being something you aren’t.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't intend to, it eventually happens.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

While your candor is thoughtful, you sound weak.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not many of us are strong enough to act as a Big Daddy all the time.

I don't think I'm faking anything.

Too weak to break up with my LTR, for sure. To weak to control myself... it's just that I don't want to.

[–]patrickgelpke1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

In that case don’t plate her :)

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed :)

[–]patrickgelpke1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If you are kissing other girls and you have an issue about it, why don’t you just plate your girlfriend ?

[–]Bruchibre[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Cause we live together

[–]badaod0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

violated at least one iron rule of tomassi.

I wonder what you respond to my comment above (“lying or not”)

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Rule #4 right. I didn't know Tomassi, just looked it up, thanks.

I saw your other comment and responded somehow.

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Funny story, at the beginning of our relationship she was supposed to travel for 3 weeks just after the end of her lease, so I told her she could leave her stuff at my place. She then started to look for a place immediately after and I told her "don't worry take it easy, I won't kick you out on the 30th". And then... she stayed with me for like 5 months.

At some point I grew tired of it and asked her to look for her own place. She said yes, didn't even get mad. She found a crappy flat, she had low income.

Few months later, I lost my job, so in order to save money on rent, we re-moved in together. It went well. In the end we found a nice flat and took the lease together. Been living together for almost 3 years now.

[–]patrickgelpke0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you split the rent ?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes

[–]lush_vibes0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Humans weren’t meant to be monogamous. It’s in our DNA (both men and women) but honesty is up to you. If you keep cheating and not being honest with her, the only thing would be that you have bad integrity.

Why not get a girl who wouldn’t mind and who’s open?

[–]Bruchibre[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I do acknowledge that I have bad integrity when it comes to this. I'm not proud but I've learned how to live with it.

I can't imagine telling my girlfriend and expecting her to be OK with it. I don't think a relationship should be open, it would spoil it.

I do these things under cover and would never confess even under torture. It's like having a double personality.

[–]lush_vibes0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Hmmmm. Is it just because of a need for validation or just sex? I know I couldn’t be happy with the affection of just one guy but there’s that barrier of if the person you love is on the same page

[–]Bruchibre[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it just because of a need for validation or just sex?

That's a question I ask myself. Half half I think.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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