[LTR] How do I express my feelings without being beta?

September 25, 2019
2 upvotes

Sup bros. Been in the game for a couple of years now, and been dating this girl for ~7 months. Was all about spinning plates, until I became complacent once my work schedule got really crazy (16+ hour workdays out of town in a rural shit hole for 2 months). This girl stuck around through it though.

She’s young, foreign, has a very healthy support system and super appreciative of everything. She’s super into me and would constantly invest, try to push things forward. She’s super attentive and submissive (sexually and non sexually). Made her my gf last month because I really could not come up with a reason why not (she kept asking me about it). I put this girl through the wringer multiple times, and I objectively have yet to see any serious red flags or dealbreakers, even with my skeptical lens on at all times.

All that said, I have difficulty expressing my feelings (always have). She describes me as “too tough, cold, no emotions”. She’s also expressed that I exhibit toxic masculinity in this regard.

How do I express my feelings in a healthy way (without being beta) and make her feel secure? Just to be clear, our relationship is going great and we rarely ever fight.

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Post Information
Title [LTR] How do I express my feelings without being beta?
Author KillaJewels
Upvotes 2
Comments 37
Date September 25, 2019 3:42 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ltr-how-do-i-express-my-feelings-without-being.287656
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/d952h1/ltr_how_do_i_express_my_feelings_without_being/
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Comments

[–]Copypastable12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

She's just trying to break you down into beta as they all do. If she earns it, feel free to reward her one in a while by taking her out to do something interesting. Use actions, not words, to express feelings.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good advice. Thank you.

[–]aWorldBornDead9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You're tough, cold, and toxic masculine. Yet shes still with you. Hmm wonder why that is...you didn't change and become that after she met you. You are the you that she met and has the hots for. Maybe give her a little comfort from time to time "you look hot today" or "I like when you were that dress" type stuff. Maybe give a small gift occasionally. But I wouldnt become soft and start vomiting feelings onto her. They hate that.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great compromise, thanks dude.

[–]AngloWolf4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

It sounds like you've got a good situation with this girl, despite what she's saying. Although in my experience it's much better to demonstrate affection than be verbal with it. When she mentions this again, laugh at her as though she's misbehaving and demonstrate through a physical gesture, eg: cup her head in your hands, let her fall asleep on your chest, run your fingers through her hair/stroke it. You want your gestures to create a dynamic where she's the bratty little girl who is secure in your masculinity and as though you're her rock for security. She may think that she wants verbal confirmation of your feelings, but that's beta bait and will dry her up fairly quickly.

You might see some more benefit from looking deeper into "comfort tests", which is what she's employing here.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Any material recommendations for comfort tests?

Thanks man.

[–]mismm 1 points [recovered]  (5 children) | Copy Link

If she actually said "toxic masculinity" drop her like a hot potato

[–]Copypastable9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's definitely a feminist trait if she indeed said that. She could be playing chameleon. Do not let your guard down.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

10-4.

[–]KillaJewels[S] -5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think it’s that serious tbh.

[–]mismm 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

You were warned

[–]Domebeers4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

wait till she stops shaving her armpits. OP seriously be careful.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Basic sidebar stuff. Search for "beta bait" on TRP.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Can you cite a specific example? I did that but it all seems to be PU stuff, not LTRs.

[–]Endorsed Contributoritiswr1tten1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good stuff, thanks bro.

[–]YTBoomin2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You don’t explain you explicate, remember you girl main job is to slowly make you her personal bitch, soon as that job is done she’ll resent you and move on. So for you, the best thing is for you to set boundaries if she doesn’t learn to respect them have consequences, i.e. lack of attention or flat out leaving. It don’t have to be robotic either, just follow your gut and don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is one thing I’ve done really well from the beginning. However, one boundary I’ve set is that I don’t like when girls are late. Lately, I haven’t held her feet to the fire on this. Definitely need to continue to keep this in perspective. Thanks man.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What do you hope to accomplish by telling her your feelings? I already know the reason is bad by your post, I'm curious if you do?

Made her my gf last month because I really could not come up with a reason why not

I don't want to is a perfectly valid reason. it doesn't have to make sense, it's your reason and you do what you want with it.

How do I express my feelings in a healthy way (without being beta) and make her feel secure?

First, walk me through how she earned that security in your life. It's been less than a year, and the bitch is on probation as far as anyone is concerned

[–]KillaJewels[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

  1. To give her nuggets for her good behavior.

  2. Made her my gf because I felt it was the right thing to do. She invested a lot up until that point, so I felt it was a worthy reward. It was also something I wanted to do for the sake of the experience.

  3. Just being a great girl. Sticking around while I was away. Being attentive. Literally doing anything I tell her to do without protest. Busting my nuts on command. No red flags. The list goes on.

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. I don't know how many married guys you know but that's the death by a thousand consessions.

You are the prize, and acting unattractive isn't a reward, you're thinking like a guy.

What attracted her to you will continue to do so, stop becoming a validation seeking co dependent

[–]Treatscatscrave1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

With the focus here on not being beta (rightly so) it is easy to forget that it's possible to be too alpha. Simply put, a woman needs comfort too. You don't have to be all romantic in a beta hearts and flowers sort of way. Tease her gently. Be silly in a ' nice jerk' sort of way.

She'll love it.

Being too cold causes them to become withdrawn and miserable. Seen many a relationship fail because man just too masculine i.e. cold and logical.

The idea that a man has to be hardass constantly is nonsense; a relationship needs the schmaltz from time to time.

It's about balance.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is what I was speaking to. I’ve established the “nice jerk” but can be too cold at times - in particular, not showing how I feel. I fuck her really well, and she thanks me for it regularly. When I take her out (which doesn’t happen too often), she loves it. I naturally flirt with girls I interact with in front of her and she teases me about how the girls flirt back (never gets jealous in a toxic way). She knows I’m a catch. She knows some of my past with game and that I have no problem getting girls.

But I don’t take her out often. I don’t surprise her with gifts. Every now and then, I’ll take her out spontaneously somewhere to eat, watch a movie, etc. but it’s usually she that does the suggesting and leg work on things to do together in order to receive that comfort she craves for. We usually just hang at my apartment, watch something, fuck, rinse, repeat. This is why I’m asking. From hearing your (and others’) feedback here, it seems like I need to be more self-aware in how I show her I care. Not just talk.

[–]Domebeers1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

ITS A TRAP! REPEAT! ITS A TRAP!

If youre redpilled you should know that. IT IS A TRAP. It is never good to talk about your emotions with women. It will not make them more attracted to you. How could it? It's a display of weakness. You are suppose to be her rock, remember the 16 commandments of Poon (too bad Heartiste is gone peace be upon him). I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW THIS IS A TRAP!

THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT 'APPEARING BETA'.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Idk dude I think it’s really all about frame. I’ve always favored logic over emotions with this girl. I think there’s a balance, as some folks here have referred to- which I’m looking for. I don’t think it has to result in me becoming beta-ized, so long as I’m in control, have a clear purpose and know what I’m doing. It doesn’t have to be black and white.

I want to believe that I don’t have to be forever cold in order to “dance with the devil”.

[–]Domebeers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok, it's blue pill as fuck but you do you. Open up to her, and in a month and a half when she leaves you, or the sex dries up, just remember you were warned.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

You are listening to what she says instead of watching what she does. Have you read the sidebar? This is classic. They behave because they want commitment you fuck. You just gave up power and now she wants more. She wants a beta. My wife is still trying trying to make me beta with her words but I ignore them. She wants more of the same shit, not happening because then she will lose attraction. Sounds like you caught some oneitis and this little well behaved unicorn has you duped into thinking she is special. Awalt mother fucker. Check youself.

[–]KillaJewels[S] -3 points-2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

bro do you need a hug

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Instead of being offended why not eat the meat and spit the bones. It coincides with what endorsed members have said. TRP is filled with sensitive 20 year old man-boys who just want quick answers but haven't actually done the hard work in the sidebar. The answers are over here bud ----->

[–]KillaJewels[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m sorry Mr. Thundercock, you’re right

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you would like a rude awakening, head over to askMRP and post the same question there.

[–]KillaJewels[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nah that’s okay. You’re the rudest awakening I can take rn.

[–]Domebeers1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

ehh his advice is good, why are you fighting basic, and I mean basic, redpilled truths? Daddy Thundercock is not wrong.

[–]KillaJewels[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Kindly point out how I disagreed with him.

[–]MultiMidsets0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don't and if you ever do it'll turn her off and make you like a little girl.

It's sad we gotta suppress our feelings as men around women without them leaving you or have less respect for you.

[–]Pasta17760 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don’t

[–]unholychadproject0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

WHAT FEELINGS?!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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