Maintaining frame and confidence in an LTR

December 23, 2019
85 upvotes

What’s up guys - I’m struggling to maintain a confident frame internally. I’m a college student and I’m on Christmas break at home with my family with very little to do. I lift 5 days a week and meditate daily while keeping a fairly healthy diet. At the beginning of my LTR I was very confident and did not second guess my decisions, but of recently I’ve been struck with a wave of oneitis which has been clouding both my judgement and my confidence. Does anyone have some advice to counteract this?

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Post Information
Title Maintaining frame and confidence in an LTR
Author aloeverafication
Upvotes 85
Comments 52
Date December 23, 2019 5:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/maintaining-frame-and-confidence-in-an-ltr.302713
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eencb6/maintaining_frame_and_confidence_in_an_ltr/
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Comments

[–]pyth0ns33 points34 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

What is affecting you internally? (give examples of the lack of confidence/inner turmoil you're facing.)

How good are you at gaming? (no, not xbox)

LTR/Marriage is RP on Extreme mode for a reason.
If you're one that goes down this road for whatever reason (must be benefiting you 10xfold in order to be doing so) - you need to be an expert at gaming your girl, instilling dread (not to the point where she will be like f**k it, might as well cheat as he is cheating on me) and inception!

Some examples
Gaming - Having your Alpha/RP traits turned up to the max
Lifting her off her feet (literally)
Gym/clean/suave and having her drool when you're topless
Constantly treating her like it's a first date (Which means FUN! Never be complacent and settled)

Dread - The best that I've found and works wonders, is to make sure her immediate social circle (that is sisters, if she has any, best friends, etc) are all drooling to F**K you!
If they're constantly telling her and eyeball f**king you when you're around (which she will know/see instantly) - she knows she has it made and will love you 10x fold more.

I personally don't go out of my way to chat to other girls for dread, but when a girl starts chatting to me especially around my girl... You make it known that this girl wants to
f**k you, which your girl will pick up on (I'd be careful with this, as spite is a bitch and loads of girls will f**k another dude due to this...)

Inception
You need to learn to play your girl, to have her think your ideas are her ideas.
Due to female nature or stubbornness or what have you, you could have the greatest idea in the world, but she will fight it tooth and nail because it came from you/man...
So Incept that shit!
( now people will probably say, you ain't establishing dominance bro! - I say to that, well done, you're a master :T )

Now all of the above... Is a lot of work...
Why would you want to be doing that?
MGTOW would call you a fucking moron and the biggest beta bitch of all time, and pedestalling/oneitis over a women to no extent....

As stressed prior... You do this when the relationship is benefiting you 10xfold!

[–]aloeverafication[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m honestly really good at gaming in real life. It’s being away on break and having to text and maintain communication over the phone. I feel like I completely lose my charm, and sometimes I tend to overdue it.

[–]Helmet_Icicle8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can't kiss a phone.

Go minimal on texting and build up the anticipation for when she sees you again.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What would be the most recent or best example of incepting that you or someone else has done?

[–]777views0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

When you’re out with your LTR and a girl starts talking to you, how do you make it seem like she wants to fuck you? How to make LTR jealous

[–]pyth0ns0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What I meant by that, is if a girl is talking to you - your girl will automatically have these thoughts running through her head (girls already know how slutty the next girl can be.)

Doesn't hurt to also subtly flex whilst chatting to the girl. (Pop your chest, mid convo - pretend to stretch your tricep, etc) She will be checking you out, which your girl will see.

[–]777views0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok I see. Do you ever purposely talk to girls in front of her?

[–]nothestrawberrypatch41 points42 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Not hanging out with just the boys has had a significant impact on my confidence perception - because I still feel confident, but its not so outwardly projected. I would suspect she feels more in control because more time is spent with her rather than my mates. Call your boys, go do some cool shit, go for a few beers, game some women. I need to do this, because I feel like I'm in the same boat as you.

Rememer 3:1 rule

[–]Snowaey12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

2/3*

[–]nothestrawberrypatch8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I tried to find the rule but couldn’t. This was just how I had remembered it. I think the rule of thumb is just be conservative with your validation.

[–]Snowaey11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]nothestrawberrypatch4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah I thought it was an iron rule - explains why I couldn’t find it

[–]aloeverafication[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What’s the 3:1 rule?

[–]nothestrawberrypatch19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For everything she gives you 3 times, you give her one.

3 texts:1 text etc...

Basically don't give her free validation, let her work for it. If you are willy nilly calling her, hanging out every waking second, giving up time with your boys, your not making her work for her validation from you. I dont keep track, but sometimes - like right now - I need to remind myself to stop giving it away to her.

[–]Yoasted4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Like the other dude said. Another example is “I love you”, let her say it 3x before you say it once.

[–]theunconquored94 points95 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

The moment that you start getting oneitis, you start making her bored. You're getting attached and that will make you comfortable. Comfort kills tingles, and your own confidence.

You're not going to marry this bitch. Imagine her screwing someone else until it doesn't bother you anymore. Then imagine yourself screwing her best friend or sister or mom and her finding out, and do that until it doesn't bother you anymore. You have to always remember that you're the prize. As Kanye said...theres a thousand you's, there's only one of me.

If that doesn't cure the oneitis, tell her that you need to take a break, or that you want to still date her and date other people. Any LTR that doesn't devolve into comfort and boredom needs some push/pull. Keep her on a string. Push her away, then pull her back.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree with this besides the fact of how does he know he’s not gonna marry this bitch?

[–]Sonny_Luna15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Because marriage is stupid and nobody should do it. On top of that, he’s a college kid and it’s a terrible idea to get married that early. On top of that, it’s just a good mindset to assume.

Get marriage outta your mind. You, personally.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I agree, i just didn’t know why you were so sure on this one.

[–]Sonny_Luna0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cuz he’s in college, dude.

[–]masterduelistky1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Couldn't agree with this more. As soon as I started to real fall for my ex is when she started distancing herself (boredom, certainty) , because I dedicated all my time and happiness to try and make her happy even half way across the globe. I barely hung out with friends, let alone talk to other girls and that's why when she dumped me it made it so much harder.

[–]KillaJewels12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just takes time and experience to internalize the TRP principles. You're young, so you prob haven't had that many oneitis situations to learn your lesson yet. You'll get there.

That said, I would focus on ONS, FWB, spinning plates. You're in college dude, no need for LTR. College is amazing practice grounds.

[–]AliasBitter11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lots of retarded advice. You don't need to fake confidence by acting like a dick.

Instead of interacting with her all the time, just do your thing and focus on that. Like if you're a musician, practice your songs. If you're an athlete, train, cook your meals, recover. Or whatever. Don't entertain her all the time, do whatever shit you need to be doing and she'll respect that and you should be feeling good.

Now if you're actually boring as shit then that's what you would be dealing with.

[–]iphone50004 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Focusing on your mission is great advice

[–]aloeverafication[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

First few months I was for sure focusing on my mission. I slipped a bit this past week but got back on track today due in part to this post.

[–]gsp95113 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What exactly do you mean by developing oneitis for your LTR? What have you stopped doing exactly that made you feel confident in the beginning? In what ways are you second guessing your decisions? Are you placing your LTR in the very top of your priorities? What has changed exactly?

[–]aloeverafication[S] 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Out of the 4 months we’ve been dating, the first 3 I’ve basically held the mentality that it’d be nothing to me to cut her off if she doesn’t give me what I need out of the relationship. Recently, that has changed and it seems that I’ve started to approach the relationship from a place of weakness I/E feeling like I need a girl like her in my life (have only been doing so for a very short period of time, trying to nip it in the bud immediately).

I have been second guessing the things I say to her and my frame in general when I’m around her. I don’t think it’s been horribly noticeable (I am not clingy, overbearing, or jealous by nature) but it had been affecting me individually and would probably start to affect my relationship if I didn’t do anything about it. She sprung it on me that she may be moving for her job and it hit me with a wave of anxiety that I haven’t felt in probably over a year and a half. Rattled me for about 5 days but I’m feeling significantly better today and am regaining my frame.

[–]gsp95119 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Well, whatever you feel is special about her, it isn't. There are no unicorns. Honestly, it's natural to develop feelings for a person. We're human after all. However, your relationship is still on the honeymoon phase, so of course you'd feel rattled when she says she might be moving out due to work. I believe you fear not really losing her, but not living out the potential this relationship might have to offer. At least that's how I used to feel when stuff like this came up in my past LTR.

Anyway, whatever the case may be, you'd do well in not being so invested in her. She can leave your life at a moment's notice for whatever reason. So just enjoy her company and the LTR while it lasts and don't overthink those matters that much. Live your life and let her live hers. The relationship is still on its early stages for you to compromise so much. Hope that helps.

[–]aloeverafication[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’m not sure how to quote your comment, but your portion about fearing that our relationship may not extend to last to its full potential is spot on. Thank you for your response, I think it articulated my situation very well.

[–]thrwy754792 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In a broader context, it's holiday season, which can add to the emotions as well.

Generally, these times can be stressful for people as there's an emphasis on relationships, whether it's friends, family, or romantic entanglements.

Writing out how you're feeling, and what's happening around you, and in the world can provide perspective, and may lead to clarity.

[–]Automatic-Soup3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

sounds like you're scared of losing her, you're attached. Put yourself in a position where you are happy in your life without her, and its only a plus that she's there.

[–]dzkkne3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the point where you start to alter your decisions because now you have fear of losing her.

You need to meditate and think about yourself without her and understand that you are just fine without her and whatever happens will happen.

The only way to maintain frame and confidence in LTR is to have a mindset that if it doesn’t work out then you will be just fine. Doesn’t mean you have to be a dick, it’s just that she should see that you don’t doubt your decisions and know what you want

[–]thrwy754792 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

At the beginning of my LTR I was very confident and did not second guess my decisions

What specifically do you mean by this?

[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women start to wear down your decisions as ongoing shit tests. "You should wear this instead","you should apply here for a job", "we should have this for dinner" over and over and over until his opinions and decisions become "our" decisions and opinions.

[–]aloeverafication[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Another user asked a similar question, I responded on the thread above

[–]Lateralanouncer2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I would say your not ready to be purple pill (red pill knowledge in ltr). Unless you truly believe and know you are the prize, Your an ass kissing, insecure BP Male with no options.

[–]sebastianconcept0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do you have good projects? Have “oneitis” with those. Rotate or next them until they are THAT good. She should read your main investment of energy isn’t her if your frame is where it should be: man’s mission. Life meaning.

[–]madfrombrad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Keep her obsessed with you and none of that matters. Do this through absence.

[–]30dirtyfingers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

yeah this happened to me and I fluctuate back and forth sometimes.

what did it for me? a plate? I did alot of redpill shit before i got a plate (redpill suggestion) and alot of it worked but I noticed the responses I was getting fluctuated. Once I got a plate a year ago something happened....my perspective changed. Either results with my LTR become more consistant OR I gave less of a fuck because I had another girl to deal with. Either way, the results were positive for me.

[–]E9er0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

keep the mystery alive! the minute she feels she’s figured you out. the magic is over and you can start second guessing if she’s riding the cock carousel! whether you have oneitis or abundance mentality. if you keep the mystery she’s still intrigued to be yours and the magic is still alive. you do this by not been thoroughly detailed in your words/responses/conversations/truth. give a little mystery off and room for imagination. EX: hey babe where are you going? Me: i’ll be back an errand. (no more) NOT. at dave’s to pick up dry cleaners then a deodorant and some food at mcdonald’s. details kill the vibe. EX2: hey babe how was work: me: insanely busy everyone met up for the assignment. EX hey babe do you like this song? Me: there’s things i like to do when i listen to certain music.... you get the point BE VAGUE! with just hints of specificity. and the mystery will be there. EX: hey babe you love me? Me: you think you’ve earned it already? keep her guessing bro then give her a passionate kiss and tell her go make me food. best mix of signals and a power move so she’ll love you for it! also passing her shit test help too. don’t get complacent act like you’re still dating trying to earn her. have other women crave you and she’ll be hooked. girls don’t want to give an alpha if other girls want it! she’ll fight them for it. after all it’s hers why would she release it!

[–]3chazthundergut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pull back a little

[–]luccisanolean-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You have to practice Semen Retention to remain alpha

[–]Tousen712 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Completely agree with this. Don’t nut unless you fuck. You’d be amazed at how confident, less anxious, and more POWERFUL you feel as a result.

[–]xxx69harambe69xxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

POWERRRRRRRRRRR

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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