Male friends: where do you draw boundaries, expectations, etc?

January 31, 2019

Hi all. Let's talk about something other than women: male friends.

What are healthy boundaries amongst male friends? I know we can't expect much when it comes to our interactions with our partners and other women, however what kind of expectations do you have for close male friends?

Out of curiosity, how many of you have friendships going all the way back to childhood? Are they still strong or have things fallen apart (and if so what was the breaking point)?

If you're wondering what prompted these questions, it's the following which I would also appreciate your perspective on (a few paragraphs):

My best friend (let's call him Jim) and I have known each other for 25 years. That's going way back to childhood. For as long as I can remember, I always took the extra steps or went out of my way in our friendship so things weren't always 50/50. Not major stuff, but enough for it to be noticeable. He's even remarked in the not-so-distant past that I'm a better friend. I can even remember back in high school when he threw a temper tantrum because I had a girlfriend, and legit gave me the ultimatum "you have to pick either me or her." I wasn't going to dump my girlfriend over stupid shit like this, so no. Even though he tried to give the silent treatment for a couple weeks, I still opened the lines of communication with a bro-gift and told him it's stupid to throw away a friendship over this shit. All patched up, here we are 15 years after THAT incident thanks to me taking that step. We laugh at his stupidity to this day.

Lately I've been feeling like everything is a powerplay. Almost like he's trying to run TRP on me, which is laughable. It's no secret that he's always thought that I have "luck with women", because of the ease at which I get the girls I like. Whether that's relationships spanning all the way back to middle school or casuals back when I was dating, it wasn't a problem. He's commented on me being slightly taller and a good looking guy that is very likeable. Whereas in my head he's the dude that always had a stable life at home and mom and dad's financial assistance with big life decisions, which I never had. So all of this power play my gut senses seems like it comes from a place of insecurity and wanting to flip the script later in life.

We are currently working on a project together for early next week. Last week when Jim and I had met, I mentioned that we need to meet again this week in order to work and brush up on things. I've been making a conscious effort to be super flexible and accommodating with my schedule, especially since I have a girlfriend (considering how that can be perceived with friends sensing distance). He offered up Saturday to meet. I responded the next morning because i genuinely didn't check my messages, which led to "are we meeting or should I make plans?" I proposed we meet twice: once in the week at my place, and Saturday I'll head to his. If he can't do the week and is only able to meet once, I prefer he come by my place. I propose my place because again, as mentioned above, I'm the one that goes out of my way the most; 80% of anything we do is either at his place or close and convenient for him. He rebuttals and says his place makes more sense because he doesn't know where he'll be dropped off after an event (?) . Again, I reiterated that I'd appreciate it if he came by and that there's no rush (he can stay as long as he likes), he responds with "ok well I don't know if Saturday will work." I mention again that I have several days I can leave open for this week, which leads to him listing how busy he is. One of these "busy" days is to sit at home and watch sports by himself. The fuck? This sounds like the shit I would do or say to a plate lol

It may seem insignificant, as I leave out a lot of occurences, however it's enough of a nagging feeling that I would like some perspective. There's something about the attitude of certain priorities (like not being able to go one day without watching sports live) that I don't share. Am I expecting too much? Am I in the wrong? I think these kinds of dynamics in friendships are something we don't often discuss here, even though they are still central to a man's development. Any insight (and sharing your own stories re: the questions at the beginning) is welcome and greatly appreciated.

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Post Information
Title Male friends: where do you draw boundaries, expectations, etc?
Author AtlasCuckd
Upvotes 5
Comments 11
Date January 31, 2019 1:19 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
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