Massive sudden increase in SMV, but can't quite adapt mentally

February 13, 2020
173 upvotes

Hello, my problem is a very odd one, tho many here who have had the same medical issue might relate.

I've had obstructive sleep apnea all my life and only found out at the end of high school.I had surgery done for it and literally everything changed.

Before the surgery I was someone with no energy, who couldn't even maintain a good posture, had terrible skin, I was so tired and depressed all the time that I didn't even shave or cut my hair.My parents were very neglectful and people made fun of me at school.

After the surgery, it was like I had woken up from a decade-long dream. Suddenly I had energy and drive, I had strength my muscles, I could recover from workouts, I could focus and retain information. I could keep a straight back and I lost a LOT of weight. And turns out I had a very good looking face, who would have guessed.

So take my word for it if you want, but I went from a 4/10 to a high 8/10 in the span of a year. All of a sudden everywhere I go, women would all stare at me, gay people would even harass me, etc.

So what's the problem? Well I have some "baggage" that I can't shake no matter what I do, some sort of lingering bitterness.

I've quickly lost nearly every friend I had in school, they became very antagonistic when I started self improving, my "best friend" turned out to be talking sh*t behind my back. So I never had any friends to begin with, they just accepted me cause I was a non-threatening loser.

There were a few girls from before that barely recognized me and showed interest, but I kept having these thoughts at the back of my head "you never even showed me an ounce of respect while I was down, now you act like nothing happened"

I've almost cut ties with everyone from my past, I want to get away as far as I can from that life and have no reminders.

The problem now is that I have 0 social proof, I'm someone who "no one knows" and "came out of nowhere". I made an Instagram account, but while other guys have photos at parties and group photos, all my photos are alone at home.I managed to secure a high paying job from home(programmer), so I can't meet people at work.I need to somehow find new friends, but it's hard, I have no idea where to start. I don't drink or do drugs, so bars may not be the best idea.

There's also this massive impostor syndrome, I feel like I'm cheating at life, just about a year ago I was a nobody, now I'm "attractive" and I feel suspicious when new women I meet treat me nicely.

I keep expecting them to suddenly treat me like sh*t, but they keep being super nice to me. But the fear is still there at the back of my head.

Overall this happened way too quickly and mentally I'm still not changed.

I'm trying to internalize the sidebar, but I can't hammer it down deep enough into my head.

Maybe if I didn't have the fear at the back of my head that people treating me nice are trying to screw with me like in the past, it would be way easier to make a lot of new contacts. Maybe that's the core issue.

Anyone else went trough such a sudden change?

EDIT: just have to add - if any of you suspect you have sleep apnea, get it treated immediately, it massively increases the risk of stroke with each year left untreated

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Post Information
Title Massive sudden increase in SMV, but can't quite adapt mentally
Author student325435
Upvotes 173
Comments 110
Date February 13, 2020 8:09 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/massive-sudden-increase-in-smv-but-cant-quite.333677
https://theredarchive.com/post/333677
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/f36se6/massive_sudden_increase_in_smv_but_cant_quite/
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[–]RPNorvell[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (3 children) | Copy Link

Ugly duckling syndrome.

[–]Rkingpin116 points117 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I would travel if I was you. Some solo exploration is good for a man.

You will come back revitalised and with stories to tell

[–]phonetic628 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agree. Take a break, travel and explore countries, cultures - instead of staying in apartments go for the hostels where you can socialize. You will meet and befriend inspiring people.

I recommend you to do this for several weeks / months if possible. Gain value to your life by visiting places you have never been before.

[–]ziphias19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

One hundred percent fucking agreed. Stay at hostels and fuck girls from all over the world man, its awesome. Most days you can work remotely and save your PTO. Pluss you'll find yourself making friends and fuck buddies alike. Trust me, I've done this multiple times and have cool friends and international booty calls that I chat with on Instagram and WhatsApp all the time. Do it!

[–]alphaonthecomeup0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Where did you go and where are you from ?

[–]ASAP_IKER17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I did a road trip from Texas to Vegas and then California. I was alone, drove 17hrs. While I was in Vegas I hit the clubs, restaurants and tourist attractions by myself. Drove Death Valley high af. And met some interesting people.

I came back with a different perspective of life and with a lot of cool stories to tell.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]ya_stepdaddy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If that’s how you see it.

[–]baron_vladimir6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. Specially if you can work remotely and make good money. I travelled for 7 months a couple of years ago (Europe, Africa and South East Asia) and it literally changed my life.

And if you happen to like a place, you can rent an AirBnb and stay long term wherever you feel like it.

Good luck OP!

[–]Musicgoon175 points176 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You've got the fucking goldmine. You have a clean slate to reinvent and customize exactly who you want to be. This is great! If people don't know you, you can decide who you are and show them.

So the only problem or mission you need to worry about now is deciding who/what you want to be. Enjoy the new start.

[–]drsherbert27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This. So many people would live to clean the slate and start over from scratch. You’re obviously young enough. Lift, make money, and pursue your passions. Some ideas: get a side job in sales or something of interest, play an instrument, volunteer, etc. all better places to meet women than going to bars and nightclubs

[–]thesoloronin0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly this! You know, OP, I’d go genocidal to have what you have right now - a fucking clean slate. Like browsing history wiped anew.

Now go forth and redefine who you wanna be and mould the impression in people exactly how you’d like it!

[–]teka755 points56 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

i did. went from massively fat to ripped.

been a few years now that ive changed but i still struggle, not gonna lie. just keep looking back at your past success, itll get better.

[–]HelveticusVIII0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

How long did that change take you?

[–]Unitobject36 points37 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Similar experience here, albeit a more gradual one compared to yours.

What helped me mentally is this idea: if your life is a book being written, the most recent chapters have the biggest impact on your present.

In other words; pre-surgery you will still be around in your personality for some time to come. However, gradually he will vanish over time as you adopt a new lifestyle, and start to grow into a different personality. This will take some time.

[–]goldenpoopstain17 points18 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Congratulations. Sometimes I wonder if u have it, as I also have low energy constantly, despite sleeping 7+ hours and eating 80% clean. How exactly did your doctor find out your issue?

[–]student325435[S] 28 points29 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

It got worse and worse with the years, I was getting winded from going up the stairs even a single floor, It would take me over a week to recover from a single workout, etc. I also couldn't remember anything at school.

At one point I started trying to find out what is wrong with me - hormone checks, vitamin levels, even tumor markers. Nothing.

Then I read more and more about sleep disorders and stumbled on sleep apnea.

Went to a doctor to check my nose and throat and he noticed that tho on the outside my nose looks OK, there is a massive deviation of the septum(the middle barrier) and also my tonsils are extremely swollen.

So I had the septum straightened and the tonsils removed and all of sudden I wasn't suffocating in my sleep.

[–]goldenpoopstain15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow man that is fucking intense. I'm so glad that you were able to find the cause and start to actually live your life. It's going to be weird recreating a life as essentially a brand new man.

But that's exciting, because though can now do everything you dreamed of. Best of luck out there bro! Dm if you have any questions

[–]fapfapfapnot2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I had tonsils when I was young but never suffocate in my sleep and sleep fully without any problems. What exactly happened that you checked yourself for sleep apnea? Did you use to wake up in the middle of the night due to not being able to breathe?

[–]student325435[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It was kind of a wild guess because I couldn't afford a sleep study, but they treated me for the deviation and tonsils regardless and the positive effects on my health after the nose swelling went down, were massive. I can't say for sure if it was the nose or the tonsils or both, but after they were fixed, so was everything else.

[–]gigolobob0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Did you also get jaw surgery?

[–]student325435[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Nah, just septum and tonsils. Theoretically jaw surgery would also have a similar effect, but I assume only people with a recessed jaw would need it.

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

what is a recessed jaw? and what do they do in surgery?

[–]Micmarr0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

tonsils

I too have a highly deviated septum. I only get 370ml of air with one inhale. A normal adult male person gets around 700ml with one inhale.

Doctors recommend that I get it straightened.

[–]student325435[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Yeah the first weeks after the surgery suck due to the nasal packing and then waiting to get the plastic thingies out and then waiting for residual swelling to go down, but it was so worth it in the end.

[–]Nergaal0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

how do you know that the septum is deviated enough? I am pretty sure almost all humans have it, and I do know I snore and my mom snores very loud. what made you decide it was surely the deviation and not some other thing?

[–]Kyomeii0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He didn't decided, the ENT doctor did. There is this exam where they stick a camera up your nose to see if you have any tissue blocking the airway, and there are varied degrees of deviated septum, some obstruct more, other less, some only obsctruct one side, others both.

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Doctor looked at it and said it's real bad, then had an X ray done and confirmed that almost no air is going trough. Since I had it since a kid I never noticed something is wrong hehe

[–]kingofboo661 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you know you have it though?

[–]ging-furikusu0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

When doing the surgery did you fear for the potential risk of empty nose syndrome ? Aka the surgery making the breathing even worse than it was before.

My mom had her concha cut smaller and septum straightened but her breathing now is much worse than it was.

So im not sure if i want to risk this myself. Seems like russian roulette

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, I only found out about ENS later and thank god. Mind you I didn't have my turbinates reduced, so my ENS risk was very low I guess.

[–]ButMessiDeservedIt0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Did the septum procedure hurt?

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not at all, but while you have the nasal packing in it gets even harder to sleep until they take it out and the swelling goes down.

[–]alittletoosmooth0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How was the recovery? Might have my tonsils removed soon as an adult.

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

First few days are quite painful when swallowing and sore, then gradually gets better for 2-3 weeks. Totally worth it.

[–]PencesElectrician23 points24 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Get on the dating apps if you haven’t. Get 3-5 good photos of you and use it as a stepping stone. Bumble is particularly solid. On that one, I find if you’re good looking you basically just have to show up and not be a complete sperg, and you’ll get at least a few dates. At the very least it’ll be an ego booster for you. Easy first step

[–]ging-furikusu0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

3 dates is exactly what i got but then they eventually ghost you without having gotten laid. A kiss at best.

[–]genital-love4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You still in high school? Join clubs or a sports team. Make new friends. Your life just began. Congrats.

[–]lightfire4091 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'll second this. Join local clubs/sports teams. You'll grow your friends naturally. Clubs always want new members!

[–]mortalcoil15 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I have sleep apnea but they refuse to do the surgery on me. How did you get them to do the surgery and not just give you a cpap?

[–]student325435[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

What surgery do you need? Tonsil removal and septum straightening are pretty routine, so there wasn't any problem.

Maybe your problem is in another part of the airways?

[–]mortalcoil14 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

They refuse to remove my tonsils, but I'm 35 now.

Apparently it gets riskier as you get older.

[–]student325435[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah there's a lot of bleeding and there's pain the first weeks when eating, but if you are from the US I'm sure you can try many doctors. I had them removed early 20s, so I wasn't really a kid anymore either.

I think there was an option to get them cauterized, not sure if it's covered by insurance tho.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]student325435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It was at the end of 12th grade. I was 20 then(most of my classmates were 19)

I'm not from the US, so idk if you finish school at the same ages.

But yeah, if you find a doctor that would just cauterize them, go for it. I had them removed by plain old scalpel and I didn't have any life threatening bleeding int he following weeks.

[–]ConsciouslyLost3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Enjoy what you have my friend, someone out there is dreaming to in your shoes.

Ive been on a journey or self improvement and had to lose some people along the way, sometime i do contemplate how easy it would have been to keep them in my lives instead of cutting them off, but it is always for the better as fuck that negative bullshit around you.

Like someone else has said maybe consider traveling with some form of group or community. I think that's going to be my next step tbh, putting myself in a position im not totally comfortable with as i feel it may distance what in unhappy with in my social dynamics.

[–]kankouillotte4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As for making friends and meeting people, you can do something outside of work.

Social dancing is great, for example. Learn Bachata, it's the high trend currently.

You will make friends, you will travel for dance festivals and congresses, plus you'll get to meet many many girls and it will be worth it if only to recalibrate your social values, and know what to expect of women in general, and of course you WILL date and f girls there by the metric ton if you can get it right.

Perfect terrain to practice TRP skill when you come from nowhere and have noone.

[–]RevolutionaryPea74 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I keep expecting them to suddenly treat me like sh*t, but they keep being super nice to me. But the fear is still there at the back of my head.

Good. Don't ever forget that because it's true, they will treat you like shit, if you let them. It doesn't matter how good looking you are. This is red pill 101. But with effort you can learn to not be afraid of it because you can control it to some extent and what you can't control you'll be ready for and don't need to worry about it. This will come with time. But don't for a second forget what you've seen while you were ugly because it's all still true.

People aren't trying to screw with you, they are trying to get what they want from you. That's all. It could be sex, a relationship, friendship, etc. But they're just trying to get what they want. But that's their problem. Don't worry about what they want. Think about what you want and how you can use them to your advantage. Do you want to fuck women? Then play the game and when the time is right get your dick out and stick it in. It's as simple as that.

[–]Morjumba15 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You're self aware, and you are determined to use what you have. Continue to improve.

As far as females are concerned, they didn't give a shit before, and they wont after. A womans love is always temporary depending on your status and frame.

[–]i-am-the-prize5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

the imposter syndrome will go away with time and faster with more effort. so lift and get your body as awesome as your systemic improvements.

social: yes, working from home has downsides, so get to know the good coffee shops in your town for teleworking. you'll find a group of regulars at each one, and be social and over time you should make a few new friends.

forget IG for now. join meetup and do things that interest you genuinely and you'll meet people of similar interests. branch out (sports, cooking, yoga, philosophy, wine groups) try it all. you have the means and the time, give it a shot.

like others have said, you're sitting on a gold mine, most incels can only dream about - you got a medical fix for what was physically ailing you. now forget the past and sunk cost of social outcast'd ness, forget the women who ignored you before, drop the resentment and move onward and upward.

read:

  • NMMNG
  • WISNIFG
  • book of pook

[–]Jacked5parrow2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

How is your relationship with your father?

[–]student325435[S] 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Single mom home. Pretty neglectful of my health. Moved out years ago. If I had a father, he wouldn't let this happen for sure. I can't imagine seeing my son(if I had one) be a weak, sick, depressed mess and not try to find out what's going on with him.

[–]Jacked5parrow11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Usually sons without a proper male role model fall into this trap. Sons at the age of 5-8 is very crucial for their fathers to be the man they want their son to be. It prevents the son from becoming a pussy during their teenage years which is also very important. Social status at that age can mold you for the next decade.

My best suggestion, find a mentor in life. Preferably one that’s successful now but has been through hardships. He’s your new father. Emulate him and find what feels natural to you. I personally don’t believe in he whole fake till it real gig, more so whatever version of yourself feels right inside, that’s you.

[–]NeedRealityShock1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If I had a father, he wouldn't let this happen for sure.

Don't be so sure

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah no

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats rough

[–]sebastianconcept2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is fantastic! Including the social reset. Keep it that way.

To find friends make new connections with who have same likes and same dislikes as foundation.

Keep working out, be social at the gym, eventually organize barbecues or something like that with people you met there.

[–]deville052 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

brah.. cheat away. everybody else is looking for a cheat code. dont let that stop you.

[–]lobstesbucko2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Start doing a martial art or join some type of sport club. I met all of my best guy friends through jiu-jitsu. Once you get a solid group of guys that will support you as you better your life, a lot of other things will fall into place. I was an extremely late bloomer, with a severe stutter, and a really abusive upbringing, so my self esteem was absolute shit for most of my life. Then from 18 to 20 I grew from 5'5 to 5'11' and started lifting and doing martial arts and went from 120 pounds to 180 and lean. My speech got much better as well, so that was a huge boost to my self esteem and overall SMV. I still have baggage from all those years of being treated like shit, and you might have some too for quite a while, but it gets better. It just takes time.

[–]porkmissiles2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One of the things I learned very slowly as I went through my 20s and 30s is that there is only one person I can always count on. You have learned this lesson in a harsher and hastier way than most.

To help with your imposter syndrome I would advise you to give yourself credit for your successes but also blame yourself for failures. I have found that holding myself accountable when shit goes wrong is the price I pay for enjoying my successes and giving myself credit for them.

You made the choice to have surgery, to eat better after the surgery, to workout and to be better. Give yourself credit but be hard on yourself when necessary and the imposter syndrome feeling will be controllable.

Ultimately though, self reliance and the realization and acceptance of the fact that you are the only person you can always count on will get you though.

Congratulations on improving yourself and fuck all the losers you left behind.

[–]RedPillAlphaBigCock1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Look up Alex you are enough masterclass

Then go get some hobbies

[–]DubbleFUPAwitCheez1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don't act cynical but be cynical is what I follow. The reality is everyone is out for themselves. Just always keep it in mind but there's no reason to act on it all the time. People love the bull shit veneer that we put on everything but the vast majority of people are extremely selfish and you have gotten a glimpse behind that veil.

[–]Cryptomineand693 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Hit up South America and Eastern Europe since you work from home. Stay in a hostel for a month then get an Airbnb and wreck foreign pussy indefinitely

[–]fuckbuddhaontheroad1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There were a few girls from before that barely recognized me and showed interest, but I kept having these thoughts at the back of my head "you never even showed me an ounce of respect while I was down, now you act like nothing happened"

It sounds like you have an unhealthy attitude in that you're blaming these women for not showing interest in you before. Why would they?

And bitching about people not respecting you is ridiculous. If people don't respect you it's usually for good reasons.

This reminds me of the story of that crazy woman who used to be a whale but then got in shape and got married. After getting wed she showed pics of her former obese self to her husband and asked him if he would have dated her if she looked like that. When he said "no" she flipped her shit because he was so shallow and didn't love her "true self .

Don't be like that.

[–]theherosmyth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is definitely a red pill you need to swallow. Accept female nature for what it is. If you are of no use to them, you're invisible to them. And why be upset about that. They're playing their own game, trying to get the best for themselves. They don't run a free respect and appreciation charity.

You see it all the time with married guys. They lose their job and all of a sudden two months later their wife doesn't love them anymore. Except you gained a lot of value instead of losing it but you get the point.

Or Briffault's law. “the female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” 

Recognize their attention and affection for what it is, conditional. And then just enjoy it for what it is from that context.

[–][deleted]  (1 child) | Copy Link

[deleted]

[–]student325435[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Another funny thing is that in addition to my old friends turning bitter, some of the girls that are 5 and 6 on the looks scale started acting ambivalent towards me, just like I did when I was a frustrated loser in the past. Guess the roles are reversed. Not sure I'd even waste my time with these girls.

[–]poortrait1000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every other week there’s something like this post. I was a 4 and everyone treated me accordingly, now I’m an eight, so fuck them for not treating me like I was an 8 when I only had 4 attributes, I’ll show them by treating 6s like 6s. Ok buddy. And the p.s. I’m an 8 but I’m not being treated like an 8 something something social proof.

[–]harry_powell0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

How did you found out about the sleep apnea and get the diagnostic? I'm curious.

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I tried many things until I read up on sleep disorders(I thought I was getting good quality sleep, I had no memory of the suffocations happening during sleep and no one near me to hear them) so after many different doctors I went to a nose and throat one.

[–]harry_powell1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Interesting! Do you know if you snored while sleeping? I'd like to take a look into my sleeping patterns as I think they aren't right, and I also think I'm not breathing well through my nose.

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

Most likely, but I didn't have a gf in high school, so I slept alone. My throat was sore in the morning and that stopped a few weeks after the surgery when the swelling in the nose went down, so yeah almost certainly.

[–]harry_powell0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

The problem was located at your nose (like a deviated septum) or where exactly?

Apologies for focusing on this (which isn’t why you asked), but I will seek medical advice after this as I think I might have a similar problem.

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Both nose(deviated septum) and tonsils(swollen)

[–]harry_powell0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

You recommend going straight to a “nose doctor” (I’m sure it has a name) first? Or maybe a sleep specialist?

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Depends on where you are from. If you can get a sleep study and have the money for it(or is covered by insurance, great). It was way beyond my pocket back then, so I went straight for the treatment.

[–]harry_powell0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have insurance but I think I’m gonna start with the nose first, get checked that it’s not deviated.

Thanks again for your help. I might send you some DM in the future with more questions.

[–]mediagator0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

septum straightening

was it painful?

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, after the surgery there is no pain cause your nose is packed. Removing the packing is quite unpleasant. Not painful, but unpleasant. It happens in a few seconds tho. Most of the discomfort from the nose surgery is the swelling and the ooze that drips out for a while until it goes back to normal.

The tonsils on the other hand - swallowing was painful af afterwards, but after 2-3 weeks it went away too.

[–]flyinghorse10 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Don't worry about social proof. I haven't a ton of close friends. I just go on tinder and hook up with women and enjoy the process.

[–]_Ulan_0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your past is what you make of it. It's a real psychological trait. You can focus on ANY detail of your past and make it the important one. I am not the only one here to observe how people who are ambitious and interesting are people who always have interesting stories about their past and fond memories.

Whether it's video games, pets, family, watching interesting movies, drawing, or ANYTHING else ... What matter it the way you do the storytelling. It's as important as the way a comedian delivers a joke.

As long as you keep describing your past as a hell, you will continue to live in hell. Don't come back crying saying "but it WAS hell". I just told you that is a wrong mindset and you have to change it

I'm trying to internalize the sidebar, but I can't hammer it down deep enough into my head.

Oh yes you can, you just don't want it enough. Maybe you need to suffer a little more to find the motivation. Maybe whining on internet is a good way for you to suffer ?

[–]Wicked1Perceptions0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Have any hobbies ? Go out to do things of interest, get involved in things or groups of interest around you. Local workshop, educational events etc. They are out there. Use the web to start "events near me".

[–]jkeegan1230 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If anyone figures it out and shit-tests you over it, just tell them, "I went on a journey of self discovery and found out that I'm awesome. Who would have thought."

[–]mraees930 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I'm in similar situation. Grew up obese, lost about 70kgs. Turns out I have a good looking face and I'm 6ft2. Started programming last year so looking to get job soon.

It will take a while to adapt.

Start playing sports, I mean u do speak to people at gym. Join chats about programming,meet up with them etc.

What type of programmer are you? What languages do u use?

[–]student325435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

C/C++

[–]LeSwagKid0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

How did u discover u have OSA? The symptoms u had sound really like me!

[–]student325435[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best way would be a sleep study, but I didn't have a lot of money, so all I got was a nose and throat exam and agreed to get those things fixed(deviated septum and swollen tonsils) and it cured it.

[–]andrew_little10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some day game will go along way:

  1. You get better at talking to people, specifically girls, in “awkward” situations. This will make every other situation easier. These social skills are amazing.

  2. You get to have sex.

  3. You can get invited to events, as you will naturally talk to EVERYONE.

  4. All of this is done sober.

[–]Japaliicious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

What surgery you did?

[–]student325435[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Straightened septum(barrier inside nose) and removed swollen tonsils to open room for air to go in.

[–]BrodinsOats0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you have some social anxiety you shouldn’t work from home imo. Reduced social exposure will just make it worse.

I say this after working from home for about 4 years btw.

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

DAMN I had the same shit but I improved it dramatically by just practicing mewing aka good tongue which makes breathing much easier. But even tho that helped a lot I think I still am suffering from mild apnea. Where do you go to get this checked out? I’ve learned even with my apnea avoiding fapping and shit counteracts so many of the negative effects. It’s like an extra few hours of sleep and that helped me a ton but maybe it’d be better if I got surgery

[–]AA70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly I went through a similar change myself. Only difference being is that I forgot what it was like being treated like shit. I was a recluse for most of my teen years but physically speaking my smv increased from lifting. I was NEET throughout this journey so it wasn't until I got into the redpill that I became more aware of how people treat me well.

By the way congrats on everything. Just one question though, what are your pics like on IG? I've been thinking on making one too but like you I have no social proof outside of work.

[–]human_enquirer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fuck the who girls silly who didnt give your the time of the day in the past but don't commit.

On the other hand, I think you have healthy instincts and leaving those people behind ensures that tou don't get pigeonholed as an easy target of false accusations in the event of second thoughts after the cosentual fact.

I reckon that social proof follows from having your shit together.

[–]kevvvg0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Show us the before and after??

[–]DANYboy520 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Once you start scoring you're attitude will probably change.

[–]woodencrown0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Join a martial arts gym, meet people (new friends, male and female) and continue to get fit. Also can defend yourself or smoke your pussy old "friends". Congratulations homie I got the same surgery recently and it might not of been as bad as yours but it's so good to breath properly.

[–]Scared_Dare220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Take a job in sales, get some new hobbies; dancing, rock climbing, sports, music, etc etc. anything social. Travel - you have a high paying remote job.. Jesus. Volunteer.

[–]drunkPKMNtrainer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

All my instragram pics are of trees and mountains lol. Dont worry about that

[–]Intendto0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You dont need to drink or do drugs to go to bars or nightclubs. Night clubs are the best places to meet women because thats where most of them are and they are generally hotter. You need to be going out to the most bougie upscale night clubs you can find every night. It's the best way to build experience and confidence imo. Or just go to a heavily populated area in the day.

I wouldn't recommend learning an instrument or volunteering just to meet women lol. Do that for yourself.

[–]Peruaan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro get therapy if you can afford it - it will massively help you to go to the roots of the problem. Be honest and take steps, even if you don't feel like it during its process. See, your brain tries several ways to keep you in the old paradigm as that is what is knows - out of the comfort zone is hard and painful.

Also keep lifting and improving your smv. One step at the time.

Then once you have attained a mental state in which you LOVE YOURSELF 'thoughts' such as 'I am of worthy' aka abundance. It may be wise then to travel, to will broaden your perspective.

Ultimately, it is all about you becoming the person you want to be.

[–]WiterS20 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I keep expecting them to suddenly treat me like sh*t, but they keep being super nice to me. But the fear is still there at the back of my head.

That feeling is a trick. The back of your head is trying to manipulate women, to get something from them. What exactly it wants, is not important. Just tell to yourself that the trick doesn't works. The girl will not fall for it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not as sudden, but I went from a ~4/10 as a guy to a solid 8/10 over the course of a few years and have had to adjust to being treated differently

[–]6Foot4Moe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

you're a lone wolf by nature, some are destined for it, embrace solitude and forget the trash that was around you. time to make new friends with your new opportunity.

[–]FantasticPoint0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Become a gym rat and join a solid gym.

I've made some awesome friends through consistently lifting weights at the same place. It is almost inevitable through repeated interactions with people. It may start small, but eventually this could be someone you hang out with outside of the gym which leads to meeting their friends, other social gatherings, potentially even meeting some girls. Their friendship would also act as a source of social proof.

Beyond just lifting weights/ building your body, the gym is a place to build your social skills. Not sure how confident you are in that regard but nevertheless its a good thing to do. Say hi to people. Have some convos you may not even particularly enjoy. Oftentimes being the guy people can talk to themselves about makes you really likable. That likability turns to more social proof and perhaps even girls checking you out once they know you're the cats pajamas.

tl/dr- Become a gym rat and inevitably make some gym bro friends

[–]grkfx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

" So I never had any friends to begin with, they just accepted me cause I was a non-threatening loser. "

Realest shit ever, people want other people to make them look better or feel better about themselves.

You've been given a gift, THE GIFT OF THE RED PILL.

The fact that you feel guilty/ashamed/like an imposter in this new body is the blue pill matrix still grabbing a hold of you.

Narcissism is a red pill trait, and you should embrace it. You should embrace that you are now better than anyone else. You have a higher SMV and should use it to your advantage.

Remember that the blue pill world is moral. And that feeling of apprehension is your 'moral bullshit' trying to take you back down to your old level. Do you want to become ugly again? Are you trying to gain a bunch of fat, and stop lifting? Fuck no. Fuck the blue pill world.

[–]rockyp321 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Bit much. Narcissism isn’t a good trait either. A red pulled guy would care for his people and look out for others. You won’t find a narcissistic leader because no one will follow someone’s who’s selfish and they can’t trust

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Look up dark triad traits, they are a part of The Red Pill Philosophy. Why would OP look out for others including the 'friends' who abandoned him. Would he go out of his way to help them out after they treated him like shit?

Narcissism is a survival trait. OP is improving himself(which is in itself narcissism). He cares about his SMV, his looks etc. Now you want him to 'look out' for his old buddies feelings? Do you want him to actually regress from his progress(stop lifting) just to appease his beta acquaintances?

No, an alpha looks out for himself first. Then if he can spare the time he helps others who are open and willing, who are not passive aggressive and will backstab you like OP's 'friends'.

The whole world is a gigantic shit test, and OP is passing it everyday. Just keep at it. These feelings will pass with time. And you will become emotionally strong(in fact apathetic) to these changes.

P.S.

"you wont find a narcissistic leader"... My friend, look at all the powerful leaders in the world today...they all exhibit a lot of similarities...and one of them is narcissism.

[–]rockyp320 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No his friends were not good friends but turning into a narcissist because of a fwe bad people is stupid. be self focused improve yourself but dont become so self obssessed you dont value others. Too many trp dude do this im sure. Cause we all think the less we invest in them the cooler well be and if im not invested they cant hurt me. alpha is more than just being strong and self centered. yes those outshine the weak and too nice guys but being a douchebag doesnt mean your a leader or alpha. its better than being weak yeah but you shouldnt follow someone thats so selfish to where they would just dump you for no reason because it suits themselves better

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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