So, this is kind of a weird question to ask. But it's one I feel like I really need to ask, because I feel like maybe somewhere I'm "disconnected" from where I'm supposed to be.

Like... I know I'm not in a great place. I don't like how I look, and I'm working to fix the things I don't like that can be fixed (losing weight, taking better care of my teeth, etc; not much can be done about being a pale ginger, though).

I get sort of hung-up, I think, on trying to identify what the "goal" is, though. Like... how am I supposed to feel about myself?

I mean, say I achieve my weight-loss goals. Should I feel... strong? "Like I'm a badass"? It's been years since I've been in an actual fight, but I feel pretty confident I could hold my own against most guys. Yet I don't feel "confident", so I'm not sure what I'm missing?

I mean, as a dude, do you feel "sexy"? Like, I mentally can't even picture a woman wanting to sleep with me. I guess I don't know what I'm supposed to bring to the table? Because I've got the good job, I'm decently strong, but aside from the very low standard of "has a penis", I guess I can't comprehend why a woman would ever want to be with me, specifically.

Like... I don't know how you mentally get past that feeling of "not being good enough". I can try and be better than I was yesterday, but I feel like even in the best possible outcome, I'm still going to just be kind of a "sub-par option" for any woman. I don't think I can ever reach a point where I think "Oh yeah, I'm hot shit".

Or do you just have to have to 'put the blinders on', try to force yourself to stop evaluating yourself, and hope that other people (women included) just sort of "fall for it", the act you're trying to put on?