My friend is in an LTR and his gf does not want to take his last name or have the children take his last name if they marry.

iamwhoiam101101110 · 2021-06-21T01:06:12+00:00

I remember my mother saying she took my father's last name because it made legal documents and shit way more simple, for example if she didn't take the last name, and I was at a doctor's appointment, then it complicates shit when this child doesn't have the same last name as the person whose bringing them in to the doctors.

To argue against her bloodline argument, I think her father must have known that his last name was going to end if he had no son and he had to have made peace with it, otherwise he probably would have tried to have a son if he cared that much (unless she has a brother who died then yeah it's a tough one....).

Maybe a less logical argument, but one I like is that when a women takes a man's last name, it's symbolic, she is consciously/unconsciously deeming the man worthy, worthy of her love/faithfulness/children, this worthiness is catalyzed in the shedding of her maiden name and taking on that of this suitor whose worthy in her eyes. I think a sad thing I see here sometimes is how much disdain for marriage there is, and I get it, but there is something about the ritual and deep symbolism involved that makes it much more than voluntary legal cucking (50% don't divorce for a reason).

It a nutshell, imo, it is a traditional symbolic gesture on the part of the women that this man is so valuable that they'd lose their last name to keep them around (a sacrifice for some more than others of course).

Personally, if my woman wouldn't take my last name and wanted our kids to have her last name, that's a deal-breaker, it says to me that I'm unworthy.

Last note: I have a family member who did not take her husbands last name and their child does not have the father's last name under the pretense that his "Arab-sounding" last name will cause issues for their child at airports.... dude is totally beta by the way, lame ass excuse imo.

2021-06-21T00:44:21+00:00

1.Marriage is a custom based on tradition.

2.Kids taking the father's name is tradition.

If following tradition is not enough for the second it's certainly not enough for the first and she can fuck right off.

She says her father's bloodline would end (my friend's family's bloodline would not end) without it.

If her father is even a slight bit more important than her husband and their family unit than the relationship is clearly irredeemable and has no future and the guy must get the fuck out ASP.

PimpinLikeIceberg · 2021-06-21T01:07:31+00:00

She does not love this man. Go tell him !

Let me tell you what a woman does when she loves a man and knows he is her best option : She takes his name happily and even tattoos his first name on her body.

Ask my woman !

kclanton80 · 2021-06-21T02:15:37+00:00

She doesn't see him as a top flight man. That's the only reason she won't take his name. She would easily take the last name of a man that she saw as an alpha.

Your friend is going to be miserable in this marriage and it's very likely to end. Unfortunately there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. He is likely to ostracize you out of his life if you even suggest that his beautiful bride to be might be a worthless bitch.

Sad but true. Say nothing. You don't need to compile a list of arguments..... If he cared enough he could easily find the reasons himself. There's only concern is going to be making her happy..... Which actually is going to be impossible but you can bet your ass is going to try.

Forget about your list of reasons. You have zero options here. Absolutely zero. I know it's painful to see your friend go down the wrong path. I have been through it..

MattyAnon · 2021-06-21T13:38:28+00:00

She says her father's bloodline would end (my friend's family's bloodline would not end) without it.

She clearly knows nothing about genetics.

I'd like some mature commentary please refrain from just insulting the couple and I'm not sure my friend is red pill aware.

Look, marriage is a terrible idea that benefits the female at the male's expense.

What are the most important reasons the wife should take the husband's name and the children should take the father's name logically? What are the rational arguments?

Urgh, what does it matter? He's going to have an awful life either way.

But this does show a lack of commitment on her part.

GrandmasterHurricane · 2021-06-25T05:57:48+00:00

"This is a fairly logical argument"

It's not. It's a very illogical one actually.

But to put everything in simple terms, it's about submission. In your friend's case he has a a stronk independang wahmenz who thibks her dictorate makes her a man. She refuses to be under her husband, and she even refuses for HIS kids to have HIS name. Let that shit sink for a bit. That's like buying your first house on your wife's name. Your friend is beyond a beta for even considering this chick as a good LTR. He's too far gone to really be helped. You could still voice your concern to him, and just do your part as a friend. But nothing will come of it. Still, do your part as a friend.

Magrudagrind · 2021-06-21T09:35:18+00:00

I was in a relationship like that before. My ex and I had wanted to get married at one point but she was very against taking up my last name. I was cool about that because she was a permanent resident at the time going through the naturalization process so she didnt want to go through a bunch of paperwork again.

Then we unexpectedly were expecting a child(misscarried only a month in). During that short window we talked about names and she pulled that name shit again with the same excuse as your friend's wife.

However, as the relationship progessed towards its end I realized this girl was very stubborn and a brat(only girl in her family and youngest). She wanted everything her own way and would not compromise for the sake of our relationships wellbeing, which ultimately was it's downfall. (Would not move out of her parents house)

Your friend's wife sounds shockingly similar. If she loved him enough shed find middle ground instead of making it entirely her legacy. Using her career title and her own biological composition is bullshit. What she meant to say is that she is a misandrist.

tradsouthernmale · 2021-06-22T00:15:25+00:00

Your friend is in for a world of pain. Needs to dump that self important iNdEPeNDEnT woMYn.

CoyoteMiyamoto · 2021-06-21T00:59:40+00:00

I'm not a friend of marriage so the argument would end for me here usually. But for argument's sake: if you wanna take the traditional route, I'd say the whole family is under the protection of the man. He takes risks in literally all aspects when he provides for his family. If he doesn't act responsibly, the family can't have a comfortable and safe life.

This is at least how it was originally. Nowadays men are obviously interchangeable and almost obsolete if you're asking women. Also, women are now working full time and earning well, too. I'm guessing back when marriage actually had a purpose, the husband's last name was meant for presenting the family as a unit. When people interacted with the wife, they knew "oh, this is Mrs. X. I know her husband". Meaning it serves/served as an attribution aid.

Not to mention the fact that it actually shows that the wife is all in. She's usually not the one who's risking everything, yet she's the one pushing for marriage (most of the time). So why not take his last name if you're really that serious?

In your friend's case we're talking about an extremely career driven woman. She probably has her own agenda of building a legacy. This is a lose lose situation for your guy. Even if he manages to win her over, she'll be miserable in the long term, because she'll be constantly reminded of what he took away from her.

papunigga031 · 2021-06-21T08:03:44+00:00

Send him a link to this shit once then don’t mention anything again.

Or TRM.

Plenty_good_stuff · 2021-06-25T15:29:45+00:00

this lady sounds like a headache and like someone that is uncapable to submit to, respect or follow a man. not wife material, not LTR material. she can be liberated and empowered alone with her cats (and keep her last name). If she got booty potential, then he should downgrade her to plate status.

Simple-Craft-9577 · 2021-06-21T00:41:55+00:00

Not wanting to take her husbands surname is a personal choice. Wanting to enforce her own on children is a little too extreme. Nothing wrong with it except that it could be an example of similar arbitrary expectations in the future.

El0vution · 2021-06-21T01:56:00+00:00

You’re whole perspective is warped because you’re looking for logical and rational arguments. Who are you trying to convince actually?

DS_1900 · 2021-06-21T01:14:46+00:00

She can take whatever name she wants (though he doesn’t have to be happy about it). However if a woman wants me to sign a birth certificate as the father then my last name had better be at least part of the kid’s last name.

BranchCovidianZealot · 2021-06-21T02:09:23+00:00

Even if she takes the last name, we still live in the era of Marriage 2.0, where the woman can bail at any time for cash prizes, the men have no power, and the state will be there to provide for her.

Establishing and growing a family name is based on the old way of doing things, where the man was the powerful central figure in a family who provided for the women and children in his family who depended on him for their survival. His name represented his accomplishments and pride at successfully maintaining and growing that family.

Nowadays the whole idea of passing along your last name is cheapened because families are essentially obsolete in the face of giant fem-centric government. Men are no longer needed and patriarchy is dead. Slutting around for Chad's cock and single-motherhood is the new normal. Society has become thoroughly democratized and men are no longer allowed to build dynasties or have a proud "house" to carry on their honor, values, and family name because the government has gotten so big and powerful and women have become too brainwashed to see the value in men or 2-parent families.

dynospectrum7 · 2021-06-21T05:18:15+00:00

In some cultures, not taking the the husband's last name is a normal. Whatever. As for the children? Sounds like she's been spending some time on a certain dating sub. She doesn't care about him, so that Doctorate can keep her bed warm at night.

SuriyaRn · 2021-06-21T13:47:19+00:00

Write down the two names. Her current full name and what it might have to change to. It might just be simple phonetics that make her changed name sound lamer than it is.

If that's the case, it's not really a reflection of a woman's commitment.

Just ask him to tow the line regarding the names of the kids coz they're his fucking kids. If she doesn't agree for the 2nd one or a middle ground, just bail out

Don't waste time rationally arguing this out.