My LTR (7 years) Just Moved Out

bluefingerblue · 2020-09-15T15:15:46+00:00

Do not let her cook for you. She’s just trying to break you as a man. She wants to know she destroyed you, she’s better than you and she made the right decision.

Do not give her that satisfaction. Do not beg for her back. It’s over. In fact, you should tell her you have other plans now, but you’ll leave her stuff with the doorman.

Trust me. You will just cringe at yourself years later if you let her come over to make dinner, profess your undying love, and she just calmly tells you she loves you but it’s not going to work.

What you should be thinking isn’t “I’m ok with this” nor “I think I feel good about this.” Instead, you should be thinking, “I feel great about this. Because if it happened, then it was meant to happen, and I am glad that it did when it did. I am going to make the best of it.”

Why do you feel great about this? Because it’s your fate. And you can’t change it. Nor should you want to. The same problems that plagued your relationship would continue. Plus you learned some valuable relationship lessons, you’re moving into a sick new apartment and you’re going to crush it now.

You’re going to find and keep a much better girl, and you’re going to be able to do this in part because of the knowledge you gained from your previous relationship that was fated to end when it did.

Good luck homie.

BlondeHornyElf · 2020-09-15T15:53:55+00:00

you're breaking up with your first real love.. you're gonna feel shit and do shit that will probably surprise you.. my advice at this point is to break it off cleanly and don't interact with her again for at least a few years when you've got your shit together.

don't pretend like losing a girl you loved for 7 years isn't going to affect you, it is. so just don't put yourself in a position where you'll appear beta to her becuz then you've lost not only her and those years but her admiration and your dignity as well.

Chad-MacHonkler · 2020-09-15T15:49:22+00:00

A woman’s purpose on this earth is to get married and make babies. That’s her mission.

She wasted 7 years of her prime fertility window waiting for you to help her fulfill her mission. And she has nothing to show for it.

Are you sure this “one last dinner” isn’t her plan to murder you?

IXseed · 2020-09-15T15:15:21+00:00

You don't wanna get married. She does. Why should you two stay together?

The only thing you did wrong was begging her back. If you didn't wanna get married you gotta stand on it.

MicksPickle · 2020-09-15T16:07:34+00:00

Ask her if she minds cooking for your tinder date as well

BlocknGhost · 2020-09-15T15:40:15+00:00

For starters, I’d cancel the cooking plans with her and go cold turkey on her. Nothing good will come from that.

Regarding yourself: Hit the gym regularly (or harder if you already have been), improve your diet, focus on your career and get a side hustle, improve your grooming and style, take advantage of that apartment situation to socialize frequently and meet more friends/women.

Regarding your LTR: No contact after she picks her stuff up. Mute her on social media, delete her number. If you can’t stop checking her profiles, contacting her, or responding to contact from her, block her.

Pezotecom · 2020-09-15T16:28:07+00:00

You are addicted to her.

Treat yourself like an addict. If you let her come, you are practically saying "one more time doesn't hurt" but everybody knows it does.

Leave her things outside the door once she arrives, don't even say hi. Absolutely erase her from your life, and start the side bar material. Lift, talk to girls, read books, etc.

2020-09-15T15:08:47+00:00

Read the sidebar. Become a man. Improve SMV and let go of this broken relationship.

strainer123 · 2020-09-15T15:56:28+00:00

I don't understand, you wrote this as if you didn't care about her, she wanted marriage, you didn't, then you said your neediness pushed her away, which one is it? I wouldn't trade a bunch of hoe plates for a good woman.

Bone_Coat · 2020-09-15T17:04:25+00:00

.... and wanted to cook me a last meal.

this is bad news for you, the meal is like having closure... after the meal you will be dead to her.

source: same happened to me

you need this

just point your head towards the future my man, and dont look back, resilience is the key to build enough mental fortitude that can seem like indiference, at the end of the day this is an experience that will make you stronger

form another post:

As a man, you don’t need closure.

A girl either wants to fuck you or she doesn’t. A long, emotional conversation will not change this fact.

Girls, however, need to put a man they are dumping into a desexualized box and wrap a pretty bow of closure around it. By participating in the closure process you are helping her tie the bow around your desexualized fate.

Whisper · 2020-09-15T19:17:33+00:00

Any girl who pressures you to marry her, rather than incentivizing you to marry her, is not a girl you should marry.

TeddyMGTOW · 2020-09-15T15:14:44+00:00

This is good news, her moving out! now don;t knock her up after this last supper, which i think is a bad idea.

eazy_ · 2020-09-15T20:28:41+00:00

congrats! don't do the last meal. don't be there when she gets her things. block her on everything. want to feel better? start talking to someone new, now.

jhx264 · 2020-09-15T16:19:13+00:00

Add one more to the pile of folks advising you to skip the meal.

Give her her stuff, say goodbye and be happy you are now free to go find someone or 2 or 4 someone's better.

lmann81733 · 2020-09-15T16:33:27+00:00

If you really thought she was the one why didn’t you want to marry her? Obviously part of you suspects she isn’t the one, and I’d bet you don’t want to give up the chance to play the field again one day, even though you care deeply for your gf.

This is a very painful situation, but the truth is if you don’t feel right getting married after 7 years, I doubt you ever will want to get married to her. Best thing for you and for her is to break up.

Herdsengineers · 2020-09-15T19:32:01+00:00

I agree with canceling dinner plans. I get her being paid up on the lease, but once she moves out, there's landlord/tenant/resident laws that govern that. She moved out on her own. She doesn't have the right to come and go as she pleases, it's not her home anymore despite money and key access. She has a right to get her things, that's it. So pack her stuff up, and have it ready for easy pick up. Maybe just leave it outside the door.

Politely tell her you are canceling on dinner. No more explanation. Just that you're not gonna do it. Don't try to tell her anything else. You don't owe her anything else. That comes with it being over. Also, you likely don't have the mindset to say more without becoming emotional. So keep it super simple. If she asks why you don't have to answer. Just tell her you've made your decision and not going to say more.

What you are doing here is cutting the chord, and instead of begging and showing weak frame and emotional control, you're transitioning to displaying better and stronger control over your emotions. So keep things unemotional, matter of fact, polite, and superficially nice. Don't express anger, hurt, or anything else to her. Save that for motivation to get your bench press up another 20 lbs by next month.

One more word of advice to anyone reading this - if you aren't willing to marry a LTR, don't move in with her. Period. I don't care if you get her pregnant. If you aren't gonna marry her, don't live with her. Even child support is less expensive than a future bad breakup. Don't compound stupid mistakes by making more stupid mistakes.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-09-15T16:25:11+00:00

Breakups, especially one from your first real LTR are always tough. It’s going to take time to get over it. Going no contact, unfollowing her from social media, and filling your time with self improvement/moving on are good first steps.

You ARE going to want to try to get back with her, not because it’s a good idea (terrible idea because you both obviously had mismatched life goals) but because you were comfortable with the status quo, its a familiar warm body to lean back on for reliable sex, and going back to being single and change itself can be scary especially since you both had been together for so long. Embrace the death of the relationship, and remember WHY it had to end.

Noodlesoupe2 · 2020-09-15T17:43:29+00:00

Don’t move in with a girl unless you’re married. And if you don’t want to have kids don’t get married

RPmatrix · 2020-09-16T10:44:56+00:00

what do you want from the relationship? She likely wants kids and if you're not prepared to settle doown then that = 0 kids as far as she's concerned

sperm is cheap, eggs are expensive and the cluckoo clocks ticking

RP_COGuy · 2020-09-15T15:36:19+00:00

Congrats! You're free! Seriously, you're WAY too young to be locked down. She was NOT "the one." There is no "the one." 4 billion women on this planet and you think there is ONE woman that's right for you? Get that out of your head. You also need to drop the blue pill perceptions that you need to settle down with one woman. Read the sidebar. Also read the Book of Pook. Start lifting and reading the sidebar. This is an opportunity to change your life and become a real man. Take advantage of it. Also, read the other long post about not having her cook you dinner. Absolutely NOT. Tell her you have other plans and arrange for someone else to facilitate her getting the rest of her stuff. Time to break the BP programming, become an alpha, and start getting what YOU want...

ETA: This last dinner idea of hers could be an attempt to get you to make her pregnant...

Thefreeman911 · 2020-09-15T17:32:41+00:00

I am in the exact situation as you, just hit 7 years in June with my high school "sweetheart". She practically begs me to marry her every few months to which I hold frame and let her know that i'm not interested quite yet.

She agrees to a prenup, and certainly is marriage material (cooks, cleans, sucks, fucks) but i'm only 23 and there is no reason to rush; and besides, people change. For all I know in a year or two she could gain substantial weight or become a chore to live with instead of my best friend.

If she left me my life honestly wouldn't be much different because of the life I have made for myself. She honestly thinks i'm the prize and I plan on keeping it that way until I think she is qualified for marriage.

Keep looking forward my man, your new life has just started. You only held each other back.

Bungeeeeee · 2020-09-15T17:27:05+00:00

Just out of curiosity: why wouldn't you want to marry? What was the point of such a long monogamous ltr if you don't want to marry her and have kids or have some other common goals (helping you grow an empire or w/e)?

linkofinsanity19 · 2020-09-15T19:53:52+00:00

Only thing to add is to NOT allow her to pop in whenever. She ended it. Not being able to have access to you and your lifestyle is a consequence of that. Also, to lighten it up a bit, watch a skit on youtube that kinda fits the theme of here popping back into your place whenever she wants. The skit is Trent Reznor from WKUK. Main difference is you won't be benefiting at all from it.

wont_tell_i_refuse_ · 2020-09-15T20:16:20+00:00

Bro 7 years was a good run, if you’re not trying to get married then leave it at that. It’s only right to let her have another chance to get a guy while she’s still young.

Gonna echo what other guys are saying about not letting her cook for you. Leave it.

socozyinhere · 2020-09-15T20:23:39+00:00

Probably good she broke up with. You didn’t want to marry so she felt like there was no point waiting. You’ll get to date and sleep with other woman and have more time to yourself.

Original_Dankster · 2020-09-15T20:32:27+00:00

Forget the meal. Let her have her stuff and begone from both your home and your mind.

FUCK_YEA_GLITTER · 2020-09-16T03:55:28+00:00

Don't let her cook you a last meal, this is probably closure for her. Don't give her the closure. Also, start seeing some other girls, ASAP. You'll feel sorry for yourself for a while but honestly other women is the best way to get over the scarcity mentality. All the best

Tambamwham · 2020-09-16T13:59:31+00:00

Wish her luck with the new guy, tell her you got everything else handled and go no contact.

RP_COGuy · 2020-09-16T14:05:09+00:00

Holy shit, where the fuck did all these blue pilled betas come from trying to give advice about marriage and settling down?
OP, you need to do some reading. Start with No More Mr Nice Guy, the Book of Pook, and Sex God Method. Then read the rest of the sidebar.

MercyYouMercyMe · 2020-09-15T21:21:34+00:00

This is degenerate. You lived with, as you say, a pretty good woman for 7 years and she unsurprisingly wants to take it to the next level and you kick her out? For what? To move in with roommates and get new pussy? Yeah no shit you probably lost the one, tough shit.

Smdh this is the other side of the coin that is the death of the West.

shittyfuckdick · 2020-09-15T16:56:56+00:00

She wasn’t just some random plate. Give yourself time to heal, but let go. Nothing wrong with meeting for the last time as long as you understand that it’s the last time. Closure can be healthy. It will be painful, you will be tempted, but as long as you really do treat is as closure, it can be healthy.

People talking ‘bout “don’t give her the satisfaction”. That’s some insecure 15-year old teenager type of shit. Who gives a fuck who’s “in power” or whatever. You won’t be seeing her anymore. Don’t do the whole “leave her stuff outside” shit. That’s just childish and screams insecurity.

She was a big part of your life. It will feel like a big chunk has been ripped out of you. If you want to hurt, hurt.

In terms of the healing and moving on process. Tell her straight up that you don’t want to remain in contact or stay friends. Tell her it’s what you need to move on. After that - completely detach. Go no contact. Go cold turkey. Remove any memories, delete anything that reminds you of her. Start fresh. Go and pull some chicks, play the field. Get in contact with old buddies. And every now and then, remind yourself why the relationship wasn’t good. It’s easy to only remember the good stuff.

Ivabighairy1 · 2020-09-15T20:18:21+00:00

Your turn is over. Find another Amusement Park ride to hop on.

That being said, most people don’t abandon ship without a lifeboat.

She has a lifeboat.

__TheDon__ · 2020-09-16T01:05:20+00:00

LTR for 7 years, but “didn’t want to commit” though lmao

Enjoy the bachelor life with your buddies. Onto the next...

BestVersionOfMyself_ · 2020-09-15T17:27:36+00:00

I feel like I lost the one.

Been there. 6 years of LTR with a high quality woman. It will pass, life does not stops. You are young, you know TRP, you have everything which you need.

wanted to cook me a last meal.

Forget that shit, she just wants closure and attention. It is over. Every second you give her from now on is wasted time of your life.

Best of luck.

2020-09-15T18:21:11+00:00

The alternative was that you marry her and most likely end up in a dead bedroom marriage you can't escape from without considerable financial loss. Sometimes shit just runs it's course.

BusterVadge · 2020-09-15T19:30:29+00:00

You're going to spend a whole lot of time brooding over this, but the sooner you realize there is no "the one", the better off you'll be.

You will come to that realization some day, I guarantee you that. But the sooner you do, the sooner you can move on with your life right now.

newwinterleaves · 2020-09-15T19:49:47+00:00

Don’t make the same mistake as me. Don’t bring up past successes with her and stories about how good it was. Don’t let her dictate what she will do in your apartment. Don’t be a simp. Let her go

McDrMuffinMan · 2020-09-15T21:35:58+00:00

https://heartiste.org/2018/11/19/closure-is-beta/

send_it_for_the_boys · 2020-09-16T02:01:25+00:00

She moved out?

GOOD.

~jocko

Rohan98k · 2020-09-16T03:42:50+00:00

I can understand the place you're coming from. it'll sting like a bitch because she's someone you've spend 7 years with her. Doesn't matter what caused the relationship to end it's not worth begging someone to stay or do the whole last meal that's just her way of making herself feel better and reassure her decision. Just pick yourself up and get ahead in life. Focus on your purpose in life , if you haven't found thay yet , now is the best time to explore things. Although some would suggest you to go on a sex spree now (provided you've got good SMV) I'd highly suggest going monk mode for a while. You'll break a lot of plates and most women will see right through the wreck you'd have become. It will take a while for things to seem pleasant for you but you'll get through it and come out even better than you are rn. Goodluck with your new chapter !

RodneyPimpin · 2020-09-16T05:56:33+00:00

So, how’d it go? Did you get some poon for the road or

ppanther92 · 2020-09-17T08:00:31+00:00

If you know you can't deal with her playing mind games with you in your current state, don't be there when she picks up her things.

Oh,and don't agree on her cooking for you. Thats absolutely a power game so she can "win" the break up.

Snowboard18 · 2020-09-15T15:33:18+00:00

Read the fuckin sidebar. If I was in Vegas I’d put all my money on that you haven’t read the sidebar

jaznex · 2020-09-15T17:53:53+00:00

is this relationshipadvice

asyty · 2020-09-16T06:42:10+00:00

Maybe it's just me but I think you fucked up, dude. You did the same thing women do that we always groan about. You're probably not going to find anybody as loving and loyal as that simply because you were her one and only. Live and learn...

So who cares if she gets closure or not? How's that going to affect you? No reason to engage in some kind of psychological warfare here - this is NOT some random plate monkey branching or engaging in other typical AWALT behavior.

I vote you have the dinner.

MenOnFire96 · 2020-09-15T18:28:04+00:00

Aren't you at least mad at her for doing this to you. I mean how dare she do this to you. She probably has someone else in her life already and probably even has had sex with.

This is your chance to collect your dignity and balls together and get over her. I know this is hard and you are frustrated. But remember and think long term. Her leaving you now is the best thing she has done for you. I would suggest breaking all contact with her including seeing her and label her as a betrayer in your heart. Tell all your friends that she left me for probably someone else. Women hate being labeled as a bad person. Do not respond to her text or calls after that.

You need to let out your frustrations in a very hurtful and visible way. Remember you can always apologize later to her in the future by saying she hurt you and you did a childish thing etc. Women break easily.

But you need to hurt her reputation bad for this betrayal and then avoid her and avoid having any adult conversation with her.

Next, move on and improve yourself. Go to the gym and lift. Read and study and get your sleeping and working life in order. Remember women value a mans lifestyle and money the most, improve that. Make her regret for leaving you. This may seem hard to you now but in 1 years time you'll look back and have a good one.

Title	My LTR (7 years) Just Moved Out
Author	shittyfuckdick
Upvotes	108
Comments	142
Date	September 15, 2020 2:58 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/itaeiq/my_ltr_7_years_just_moved_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-ltr-7-years-just-moved-out.213545 https://theredarchive.com/post/213545