My wife, 46 years old, of 17 years is having a virtual affair with her first love from 30 years ago. Do I blame myself?

Seagram7 · 2021-06-20T01:53:24+00:00

Some of the best advice I have ever read is to initiate the divorce during the affair fog. She has all that good positive feelings with her affair partner, the puppy love, the intimacy, the deep emotions---and you are the impediment to those source of good feelings. She wants to be rid of you so bad that you can get the best deal possible from the divorce. "The heart knows what the heart wants. Just sign here so you can be happy and free!!!"

p-tittyy2 · 2021-06-19T23:45:36+00:00

Reading your responses in here it’s clear you’re not respecting yourself.

daddysgotanew · 2021-06-20T01:30:58+00:00

Divorce ASAP and never look back. She doesn’t respect you in any way, shape, or form. This is why everyone preaches not to get married, this is the end result in millions of cases. Men need to learn that after everything a woman says, you need to add “right now” to the end. Nothing is permanent with them, everything is conditional. It sucks but that’s their nature. 17 years? You had a better run than most. Now she’s fat, disgusting, and cheating on top of it all. You know you don’t want her anymore either, but you’re also afraid to be alone. Trust and believe, a year from now when she’s long gone you’ll be way better off, and much happier. Cut ties and run brother, it’s time to start your next life

AdamLakewood87 · 2021-06-19T23:08:55+00:00

What is there to talk about? She is planning on fucking you over and if you confront her she’s only going to start the water works.

She could have spoken to you about the issues but instead she went looking outside the relationship.

You need to find out the divorce laws in your state and begin talking to a lawyer.

TXJohn83 · 2021-06-20T00:43:41+00:00

Your ex-wife you mean...

Look don't blow your load to fast, lawyer up now, but if you time it right could have her served with divorce papers when she meets up with this dude for the weekend, and the locks changed on the house when she gets back...

mysisterlikesmycock · 2021-06-20T01:17:11+00:00

Only reason OP hasn’t left her yet is because he doesn’t think he can do better or find someone else. He’s in scarcity mindset for a fat bitch who actively plots against him.

marcusaureliuswisdom · 2021-06-20T00:21:45+00:00

You need to hire a divorce lawyer immediately. You also need to begin saving everything you have in a drive. There is no coming back from this. You need to make these moves forthwith. Do not delay.

JayRedCorn · 2021-06-19T23:42:33+00:00

Sir you are in a no win situation,if you stay you are a simp and you will lose the respect from everyone that knows you..but if you divorce her it could ruin you financially, emotionally, spiritually , and mentally. All I can do is pray for you brother.

CoyoteMiyamoto · 2021-06-20T02:15:13+00:00

This is bad on so many levels, it almost sounds fake. Get a good lawyer, document the ridiculous shit she's been pulling off with that dude and collect further evidence if needed. How the fuck are you willing to stay with a fat woman who's already cheating on you emotionally through social media like a damn ICQ emo.

Act quickly, brother. The sooner the better.

ay-fuh-q · 2021-06-19T23:44:33+00:00

WHY the FUCK is this in TRP? Didn't like your answers in relationship and infidelity subs?

My wife and I have not been the most loving couple the last 5-7 years of our marriage. Good core, but feel like roommates.

Just because YOU haven't had much sex in the last 5-7 years doesn't mean she hasn't.

About 6 weeks ago, i found out she has been having a virtual affair with her first boyfriend, who she got in contact with on Facebook.

If he lives even 1-2 hours away, they already fuck.

I see all their messages and have been saving them. There are I love you's going back and forth, plans to meet up and have a weekend together, and even talk about blindsiding me with divorce.

There is no fix from this. She wants to fuck him and fuck you over. She's going to swallow his cum and divorce rape you. Repeat this last sentence over and over and over. You need reality here.

I know I have been lacking in the attention dept with her (and vice versa), but what do I do here?

Hire a lawyer. Get your ducks in a row. Keep screen shots. And be ready to put her on blast when she PUBLICLY tries to make you the bad guy.

Or talk to her about it? She says she cant leave me right now because she is a stay home mom and I am the breadwinner.

DO NOT talk to her about it. There will be lots of denial and, worst of all, she will claim you snooping is far worse than her cheating and blindsiding you with divorce. In her mind, you finding out is worse.

I provide

Just makes you her bitch.

Im in good shape, and look good for my age. Not lacking there.

All irrelevant.

She is 100 pounds overweight.

Guys will be guys. That dude will fuck her but probably won't commit. Then she'll cry to you when he ends it... and all her words will have his cum in her breath.

This is over.

Jamahamakaze · 2021-06-20T06:48:40+00:00

You seem to have 2 conflicting states of mind going on here man.

On one hand, you're very aware of the situation and danger you are in.

On the other, there is a part of you that hopes this will all just go away.

Either way, you need to take a second here and look at this situation for what it is. Take yourself out of the situation and look at this objectively. If someone came to you with this problem what would you say to him?

Now I am not the most RP guy, just learning the ropes myself. But I am an adult and I can look at your situation and deduce one thing.

Wether this is option 1 or option 2, it is YOU who stands to have his life turned upside down here, and wether this all just goes away or not, YOU have to prepare for the possible outcome and prepare appropriately.

It is always men who have to leave the family home, start again and lose everything.

Regardless of how you feel, or what you really want, everyone in here saying you need to lawyer up is right, otherwise you are going to look back on this with massive regret.

Some guys are giving you shit, but ultimately you came here for help because you are desperate and worried, so take that help, take that advice, not just from the RP community, but from other men.

Get all the info together, get to a lawyer, get prepared. Even if you decided to try and work on your marraige, put yourself in a situation where in worst case scenario, you are not going to make this even worse on yourself.

Best of luck

Sexandswishers · 2021-06-20T01:03:41+00:00

Beta bucks, alpha fucks.

She wants your resources but she wants to have her fun too.

Start preparing yourself, it only goes down hill from here.

T-toborn · 2021-06-19T23:10:23+00:00

After reading your post history I'm not suprised, you're wife isn't attracted to u and if what your saying about her is true you'd be better off with a divorce

ragersolodolo · 2021-06-20T00:36:25+00:00

If I were you, I’d drop everything and leave.

yaboyebeatz · 2021-06-20T05:15:39+00:00

Whatever you do…DO NOT JUST LEAVE. Stay in your house as much as you can, let her continue to be a thot, continue doing your thing, spending time with your kids, blah blah blah. All the good dad/husband shit. Start reaching out to divorce attorneys ASAP. Build your case man, try everything in your power to get 50% custody of your kids because once you leave, it’s a wrap. Rich Cooper has a shit ton of info about this, look for it and soak up some game.

osmosiashit · 2021-06-20T08:31:04+00:00

Bro you posted on 3 different subs. One has 800k members. You got 3 answers. The other has 1800k members. You got 5 answers. This sub has 80k and you you got 110. Some guys are harsh over here but they speak truth and all just want to help cus they’ve been in the situation before.

WhatRemainsAfter · 2021-06-20T06:32:13+00:00

Have some respect for yourself and be kind.

You have one life. Don't waste it after ungrateful people.

You provide for your wife. You literally feed her. That alone is reason she should make peace and live happily.

But in return what you get?! You get cheated on. Whether she fucks someone or not, thought is already there. Action will follow, sooner or later.

Stop being deluded. This is the wild. You kill or get killed.

I suggest get a lawyer. Figure out what is best possible move for 'you'.

Good luck

Gerryaran · 2021-06-20T06:45:00+00:00

The moment she started to stray, it was over. You're in denial right now trying to rationalize her actions, looking for logical explanations. We've all been there man. It's tough, we all get burned sometimes. It's what you do from this point foward that matters.

Fluffy_Risk9955 · 2021-06-20T09:00:17+00:00

She’s an alpha widow. At this point collect data and talk to a divorce lawyer on your options.

Once you done that, make it clear to your wife, you don’t tolerate this behavior from her. Tell her to stop doing that or there will be serious consequences.

She’ll probably do it again. Find something that works for your situation to get her a punishment. Like take me out to dinner and you’re buying. If she doesn’t comply make it something more severe. Like I’m not paying for your car’s fuel for this month. If she still won’t comply simply serve her divorce papers.

Base rule when dealing with a woman. Give her the feeling she can be replaced and will be replaced.

cafeitalia · 2021-06-20T13:12:35+00:00

The original post literally feels like a troll. All the elements to make people jump right in. Great shape dude with 100lb obese wife. Do you know what 100lb overweight for a woman is, what she looks like? Even their first so called love will not dare to respond to the messages of an 100lb overweight obese woman.

Kenkyujode · 2021-06-20T19:11:03+00:00

I cringed reading this. It's already been said, but I'll reiterate. It seems like you're trying to rationalize a decision that was made purely out of emotion. When a woman cheats on a man, she is already checked out of the relationship. You said yourself that she wants to divorce you. So, the writing is on the wall.

You must be the one to initiate the divorce instead for a better familial and financial outcome. It is good that you have been compiling evidence. See a divorce lawyer immediately and keep compiling evidence.

Do not confront your wife. Do not confront your wife. Do not confront your wife. Do not confront your wife. Do not confront your wife. Do not confront your wife.

Write that down like it's a homework assignment to get it through your head. Your marriage is over. Your destination from this point on is a divorce court. Now it's up to you to decide what highway you're taking to get to that destination. I hope it's one that has you as the driver.

One last time: See a divorce lawyer. Keep compiling evidence. Do not say a freaking syllable to your soon-to-be ex-wife. I don't want you to be one of the thousands of men that get destroyed in divorce court by a cheating wife. Best of luck to you.

Andrew54321 · 2021-06-19T23:43:09+00:00

Try for anal before divorce. Hate fuck her then treat her like shit after. Turn the other man into her emotional tampon. Assert dominance.

StringBean3005 · 2021-06-20T00:36:53+00:00

Go check out marriedtrp you can learn some things.

dontbanmetoday · 2021-06-20T01:39:57+00:00

It's a wrap. Time to move on. Does she even have any value left? It will only get worse the longer you stay.

og254 · 2021-06-20T02:10:04+00:00

Get a younger lady for yourself

BajaGhia · 2021-06-20T02:32:39+00:00

Hey I just went through almost the exact same thing.

Consult a lawyer. Mens advocate lawyers usually advertise on the local sports radio channels and will offer a free consultation. Hire one.

Get your support group together. Lawyer, accountant, therapist, business attorney.

Start documenting everything. Especially screenshots of her wanting to blindside you.

I don't know where you live and divorce law varies from state to state. Write down questions you have so that you have them organized when you talk to your team.

Best to you.

kclanton80 · 2021-06-20T02:40:36+00:00

At this point the cause is not important. It's time to get out regardless of what the cause was.

RuinJazzlike · 2021-06-20T06:56:37+00:00

Man, at this point I just come to this sub for laughs like this.

Weary-Experience-149 · 2021-06-20T07:30:49+00:00

Gather as much evidence as you need to defend yourself in court because she'll be going after "her 50%" It sucks to start being single at your age, but you just can't trust her to have your best interests anymore. It's going to hurt, but in time you will heal and something better for you.

lolomotif12 · 2021-06-20T09:35:07+00:00

Don't say a word to her, you already know what you need to know. Lawyer up and protect yourself as much as you can during the divorce.

subaruguy14 · 2021-06-20T11:52:34+00:00

Prep for the divorce, hide assets in offshore irrevocable trust, and then initiate the divorce yourself. Your turn is over.

Shipbldr2000 · 2021-06-20T12:50:29+00:00

Act like you know nothing
Hire the best divorce lawyer in town
Instruct your lawyer to take the most aggressive path possible to protect your interests
Take action, follow the lawyer's advice to the letter, and get the divorce finished.
The element of surprise is critical. So act fat dumb and happy.

daddydropfeet · 2021-06-20T12:51:36+00:00

She's already lawyered up... You're deluding yourself. Maybe you need to learn the hard way like many of us did... (yea yea, kids, pension, house... Seen it all get blown up anyway - no matter how you try to protect it)

There is NO relationship equity. It's down the toilet.

MattyAnon · 2021-06-20T13:17:37+00:00

but what do I do here? Let it go and collect more data for divorce?

Divorce is happening whether you like it or not.

Talk to a lawyer, save messages, plan for this.

Her affair and planning to meet won't make much difference in court though. The only thing it gains you is the right to instigate a divorce.

She says she cant leave me right now because she is a stay home mom and I am the breadwinner.

Talk to a lawyer. She will, she probably already has.

She can leave you just fine, and legally you are still the breadwinner. Likely she'll get the house, car, and everything else she needs, and you'll be paying plus your own expenses.

TALK TO A LAWYER.

I provide, Im in good shape, and look good for my age. Not lacking tehre. She is 100 pounds overweight.

Providing makes you beta bucks.

LAWYER.

OneTrueQ · 2021-06-20T14:26:07+00:00

Man just get ready to leave her big ass. Lawyer up. This is a red pilled sub, so fuck that marriage. Do your best to get out of that marriage, and upgrade your women.

V_I_I · 2021-06-20T15:31:12+00:00

This can't be real

SteveSan82 · 2021-06-20T15:46:13+00:00

Ex girlfriends from as far back as 21 years ago still call, text and email now and then. Their marriages mean nothing once they are bored.

Read The Rational Male.

prollysober · 2021-06-20T04:49:13+00:00

Can a mod delete this post?

mrrooftops · 2021-06-20T12:17:41+00:00

How did you 'find out' about this? Were you digging through her privacy like a little bitch? That is probably one of many symptoms of the reason why your land whale is trying to cheat on you.

jdotw9 · 2021-06-20T10:17:46+00:00

Move out quickly

protect your assets

find a very good lawyer, print and screen shot/ take photos of all the messages

get out quickly

cfbovernfl · 2021-06-20T00:52:52+00:00

What do you mean by "good core"? If the core was good, there wouldn't be any significant problems.

Post to married RP, most people on this sub (myself included) won't have answers for you.

papunigga031 · 2021-06-20T03:13:13+00:00

Fuckin forget all that bullshit and focus on your exit

T00kTheRedPill · 2021-06-20T03:41:00+00:00

It’s done. Keep compiling evidence and seek counsel IMMEDIATELY!

Ivabighairy1 · 2021-06-20T05:02:02+00:00

Don’t talk to us, talk to a lawyer

_Last_Man_Standing_ · 2021-06-20T05:33:57+00:00

think of it like you are already divorced.
but don't let it show until you get everything in order.

there are guides for men on how to protect yourself in your situation.
I saw some few years back here on reddit.
can't be bothered to look for them.

InflatableRaft · 2021-06-20T07:04:32+00:00

She's a stay at home mom, you have kids and you own a business. You are going to get taken to the cleaners. What should you do? That's easy. Go to war.

beginner_ · 2021-06-20T08:05:29+00:00

Check your local laws about alimony. Possibly after 20 years it's for life. This relationship is dead. Accept that and prepare for divorce ASAP for any chance not to have to pay her for the rest of your live.

Curious_Dog_95 · 2021-06-20T10:03:49+00:00

Did she mention that she needs your love and affection? Did she express that she feels like the two of you are roommates for the last 7 years?

I don't think you should blame yourself entirely for the situation, she is definitely in the wrong for cheating, whether it's physical or not.

The thing about your story is that there could have been so many things that could have happened in those 7 years that we may never truly know about, only you and your wife know the real dynamic of your relationship. She could be experiencing low self-esteem and rejection because of her weight, and the guy that she is talking to is probably feeding her ego with compliments and praise to make her feel good about herself.

I can't say what you should do exactly because there is no real context and we only see your side of the story.

Just make sure that if you do decide to get a divorce, you have the proof that she was cheating...

RedEyeBlackEye1 · 2021-06-20T10:18:19+00:00

"There are I love you's going back and forth, plans to meet up and have a weekend together, and even talk about blindsiding me with divorce."

This part could just be all "feel good" emotional validation talk or they could actually intend to go through with it. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HESITATE TO MESS WITH MOST OF THESE HOES. They either have boyfriend (who she lives with) or husband. Plus, the dude is usually suspicious of, going through her shit, and more technically savvy than her dumbass. They try to be sneaky yet don't even realize that 50% of the dude's DO FIND OUT AT SOME POINT.If you(OP) were not a red pill aware guy, imagine how the old bluepilled SIMP version of you would've probably hurt(or killed her) or tried to track down the dude(and harm him)? Could've easily ended with you(OP) dead or doing life... she'd either be hopping on another d@#k or dead.

"I provide, Im in good shape, and look good for my age. Not lacking tehre. She is 100 pounds overweight"

Well ofc even overweight (even ugly chicks too...not calling your wife ugly though) EXPECT Chad, Chadlite, Chadrone, and Tyrone to sweep her off her feet. Also, you may be in shape,etc. However, he may be FACIALLY better looking, have more swagger, charisma, game, frame, sexual skills, mystery (considering she doesn't LIVE WITH HIM, is no cohabitation rule), Physical strength, doesn't put her on a pedestal, and overall more "Chad" than you. Just playing Devil's advocate alittle, but it's USUALLY the case in these type of situations. Not to mention, when they actually Meetup the side dude fucks her much better than the bf or hubby.

Either way, you should keeping building evidence for when(even if initiated by YOU) a divorce actually happens, keep self improving ALWAYS, and DO NOT HARM HER OR GO LOOKING FOR THIS DUDE. Shit might not end the way it does in those cheesy ass Lifetime "hubby kills affair partner" movies. Motherfuckers really do be on some kill or be killed shit our here. Seen boyfriends and hubbies get killed BY THE DUDE HE WENT TO RUN UP ON...TOO MANY TIMES.

You can still live your best life...do not throw it all away over some bullshit, homie.

bandraboyz · 2021-06-20T10:30:17+00:00

Try to save your money from her. Seek a lawyer for that You'd not want her to spend it on her affair...

DevilishRogue · 2021-06-20T11:05:56+00:00

Ignore the advice from teenagers here who understand nothing about branch swinging or the tingles and decide what you want. You know how TRP works and know that you've been neglectful and allowed her to slack off too if she is 100 lbs overweight. That's on you.

She absolutely can leave you now and if you are the breadwinner you'll have to pay her for the privilege with probably more than half your income and assets as well as losing access to your kids.

The way to nix this is to be the guy she gets excited about, the guy who she knows she can never do better than. It is up to you if you feel that is effort worth putting in or not considering how things currently are.

weems13 · 2021-06-20T12:25:45+00:00

Idk but I promise you asking a bunch of lonely 20 something borderline misogynists for advice is not going to solve your problem

Norpeeeee · 2021-06-20T12:54:45+00:00

> She says she cant leave me right now because she is a stay home mom and I am the breadwinner.

unfortunately for you, this may actually be the best time for her to divorce as she has no income and is owed spousal maintenance/alimony. Not a lawyer, check with one in your state. Avvo.com has specialized attorneys who can answer your questions anonymously.

Subject-Two-5882 · 2021-06-20T13:16:10+00:00

Plain and simple, you must leave man. She doesn't respect you, keep ya head up and find a beautiful, fit woman.

Temporary_Trash_5047 · 2021-06-20T13:57:53+00:00

Your turn is up, buddy.

You need to lawyer up. Save all the evidence and use it against her. There are groups you can joun where other males who are/have gone through divorce can give you tips. I’m assuming you have children. Start thinking about them and yourself rather than your cum dumpster wife. Don’t tell her a thing. Start getting into shape and putting yourself out there so you have plates lined up. Hell if you can, start fucking other women now. Doing that will help redpill your mind and vaccinate in against oneitis, guilt, shame and other negative emotions caused by the female.

SenorTonto · 2021-06-20T14:06:19+00:00

The fact that she's a stay at home mom and you make a lot means you will be paying a lot in alimony. Prepare for that and speak to a lawyer

caylocsgo · 2021-06-20T14:30:13+00:00

You’re about to lose the rest of your life over an Orca.

Snappybrowneyes · 2021-06-20T14:55:16+00:00

Her affair partner has the luxury of sharing no responsibilities with her so it is all sweet.

Enjoyitbeforeitsover · 2021-06-20T14:57:08+00:00

attraction faded, both parties have something to do with this. Also, social media provides a new perspective on seeing "what's out there" lol

not sure how good ur communication or attraction holds up and whether ur achieving constant positive goals in ur relationship

depending on your character this may or not phase you. u may also find someone too... especially if she mentally moved on it may be a waste of time attempting to force something... but u should know wat ur next move should be

Jako_Spade · 2021-06-20T16:41:53+00:00

Divorce her ass ASAP. Cheating = relationship over

ChemicalGiraffe · 2021-06-20T18:41:19+00:00

Lmao this has to be a troll

comcain · 2021-06-20T18:58:34+00:00

Get a good lawyer NOW!

A divorce is gonna happen to you whether you want it to or not.

One bright point: the other guy hasn't seen her yet. Boy, is he in for a surprise! And so is she, when he runs away.

I was in for 15 years and my ex served me divorce papers after prying me out of the house with a bull shit assault charge.

A year later I was able to conclude it was a good thing she did. She bought herself a life of working 9-5, no alimony, and minimal child support as she had a degree in Comp Sci.

Funny how I look back at that marriage and conclude it was like being in jail.

Get a lawyer, pal. Jump on the divorce train or get run over by it.

Good luck, brother. Keep your chin up. Be prepared to be drowned in firm, tight pussy.

Cheers

stripedtanker · 2021-06-20T19:23:57+00:00

This is the best case scenario ever. Now you have leverage and can say, hey let's be in an open relationship. We've been married for so long why not. Or, like other posters say, start divorce.

Since she's the first to start to 'cheat' you got all the leverage - she can't be mad at you.

throwitdownman · 2021-06-20T20:37:52+00:00

Way to find us when the house is already on fire. Do you expect us to be miracle workers? Next time, when you see things are turning to shit during the 5-7 years leading up to this, fake attention so it won’t cost you 50% of your net.

Some flowers and a weekend round trip ticket to an exotic island for sunshine is the type of bitch management you should have done. Expensive, time consuming, unfun, but it’s a hell of a lot cheaper a divorce. Pop a pill and give her the D if that’s what it takes to keep your cash.

PrimordialXY · 2021-06-20T22:22:09+00:00

If you let her get 100 lbs overweight then you are not the captain of your ship. Abort & cut your losses so that you can start improving yourself and figure out what exactly you want

TonyWorship · 2021-06-24T13:10:45+00:00

All I’ll say is women love drama and I’m sure she’s loving having a dirty little secret. I would hedge my bets that after you break up and her and him move in together the spark disappears and she will regret her actions massively. If you’re in good shape and she’s 100lbs overweight then she’s already punching with you, and if you can do better go and do better. I don’t know about divorce and lawyers but I think the married red pill sub will have lots of advice.

Unbannable_1721 · 2021-06-20T01:27:11+00:00

A lot of people here don’t understand that after 17 years you can’t just let someone go.

Confront her. Try and safe your marriage. If you were my mom and Dad I would say the same thing. Do it for the sake of the children.

Title	My wife, 46 years old, of 17 years is having a virtual affair with her first love from 30 years ago. Do I blame myself?
Author	NeglectedHubbyinNY
Upvotes	126
Comments	238
Date	June 19, 2021 11:06 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/o3s4ms/my_wife_46_years_old_of_17_years_is_having_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/my-wife-46-years-old-of-17-years-is-having-a.785375 https://theredarchive.com/post/785375