I recently escaped a possible BPD(borderline personality disorder)/bipolar/mentally ill single mom relationship about three months ago that I was on and off in for the past year. She got into a fight with me over some dumb BS and sent me pics of her cutting herself. I cut it off after that.
I genuinely had feelings for this chick, but she was manic. She would be the best and the worst within a few hours. Highs and lows that sort of thing. Every time she would go into the red, I would basically just bounce and it would cool off and we would get back to it. The biggest reason for this was the absolutely addicting sex. There was some serious chemistry between us that I haven't replicated. She would also try to date other guys(I also would fuck other people) but constantly come back to each other because of how addicting it was.
I've had plenty of other partners, a few during our breakups, and been spinning plates since the most recent one. Nothing comes close. This girl and I would have absolutely mindblowing sex that I have ended up comparing to pretty much any potential partner I've had and its impossible not to. She was pretty much a HB8/9 and her body in my opinion was everything I looked for in a woman. Everyone else is either too skinny/too fat etc etc. I have also had girls that have acted way sluttier and I've even had two threesomes with one of my plates. It pisses me off that none of this has worked.
I constantly dream about the sex, and try not to think about her on a daily basis and occupy my self with new women, which works at first, but then the sex is typically a letdown and I go back to dwelling on this bullshit. My ex tried to contact me a few weeks ago and I just reminded her that it was not healthy for either of us to continue talking and we haven't spoken since. I still find myself checking to see if she's reached out because apparently Im still looking for more punishment.
I'm trying to have the self control and willpower to not climb back into this orgy of insanity but I am struggling. It could have detrimental affects on my job, my life, and my sanity. Truly not worth the risk, but that ass was like crack. I've had many partners in my life and she was easily top 1/2 and mentally hit me off on all cylinders.