tl;dr

For an "average" individual with reasonable social skills and status, what can you expect from people? How much should you be initiating vs. how much should other people be inviting you to shit?

This is a broader question for social game in general not just girls.

I find myself in the (apparently weak) position of almost always needing to be the one who initiates any and all hangouts. Only very rarely some of my friends or acquaintances will reach out to hang.

Either I'm repelling people in some way, have low status in my existing scene, am not providing enough of the right kind of value, or people in general just lack social skills and I am expecting too much from them.

Somewhat more commonly, I will get tagged on the FB invite list to an event or something in the wider social circle.. I may or may not have good relationships with the organizers but obviously make the 'cut' for an invite to these "semi-public" events. Frequently for these events I will know some of the people going but none of them can really be counted as friends, just acquaintances.

However, I feel largely excluded from weekend hangouts, kickbacks, etc, and don't have a "gang", or a core crew, or even one or two solid friends I hang out with on a regular basis. So I'm in the herd but otherwise very much do not belong to any of the smaller cliques.

A decent number of people I know will reliably let me tag along if I reach out and invite myself. This is good because hey once I'm out there I socialize well and make connections, etc. But it feels needy to constantly ask to come along when they don't invite me of their own accord in the first place.. despite their apparent willingness to accommodate once I ask.

A much smaller number of people, much less reliably, will come along with me to something I am doing/planning if I reach out and invite them OR post up some kind of event. I read this as a mixed problem between both my overall status AND the desirability + logistics of the event/suggestion itself.

I predict a few core TRP answers here and would like you to expand on them if you do bring them up:

  1. Provide more value. Okay, how? I'm a social and outgoing person, I connect with people, have been improving my skills, and feel like I do a fairly good job of emotionally connecting with people.. except that doesn't seem to be enough, at least not yet.

  2. Be more attractive I look fucking good. In fact I have noticed recently that when being friendly / social to new people, especially lower value dudes, some of them react defensively.. which I read as ego protection on their part.

  3. Lead more events / create my own group I have started to do this more but generally speaking I don't feel like there are many people who jump at the opportunity to do things with me. Most are lower value dudes, no females. In fact it's worth noting that in my current wider social circle most females are either exes at this point or friends with exes, and I get the sense that very few of them give a fuck about hanging out with me.. EXCEPT WHEN WE ARE ALREADY THERE by happens-chance and suddenly they love showing up in my conversations, asking my name, etc.