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Plateauing on social skills - need resources for a plateau-breaker.

November 13, 2015
4 upvotes

I swallowed the pill about a year ago. Lifting, studying, furthering my career. I try to go out as much as I can, but there's not much opportunity in my area.

Anyway, my social skills have always been my Achilles heel. I've seen a lot of improvement on capturing interest from people in the conversation itself, but never in myself. I always seem to leave people with a vibe of "well he was a cool, friendly guy". Honestly, I'm happy with that. Last year, I would have never thought I'd be holding conversations like a non-socially-awkward person. But as with anything involving self-improvement, I want to get better at it.

I'm terrible with the more intermediate/advanced social concepts. I never understood Machiavellian techniques, any sort of manipulation, or how to simply get interest in more than a friendly level from girls. The House of Cards approach of trying to forsee a social situation in the long-run seems impossible to me.

Does anyone have any resources (preferably audio/visual as opposed to text) that can explain more advanced levels of RP social interaction? Whether it be pickup, job-related, or day-to-day social interactions.

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Post Information
Title Plateauing on social skills - need resources for a plateau-breaker.
Author Sketti-Os
Upvotes 4
Comments 4
Date November 13, 2015 4:02 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/plateauing-on-social-skills-need-resources-for-a.156522
https://theredarchive.com/post/156522
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3so9yb/plateauing_on_social_skills_need_resources_for_a/
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Comments

[–]kabylewolf0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

If you don't have a tendency for manipulation you likely will struggle very hard to understand it. You might just not have the mental makeup for it. Don't beat yourself up. Plenty of people are influential without that mental trait.

And house of cards is a freaking TV show. Throw that as a yardstick out the window.

I'll tell you a text because honestly it's one of the better reads out there so you better buckle down and read it. But it's called the Charisma Myth. It'll help develop advanced social skills as well as fine tuning your "influence" on other people. It's fantastic, in depth and utterly fascinating. When I first read it, the first 15 pages alone had immediate impact in how I dealt with people. By the time you finish it, you'll understand yourself better, be more aware of who, what and how you come of as. And you'll be significantly more success in that department. I went from being the local cocky dick to the charming hilarious charismatic leader that can take over a meeting with my presence.

So I'll say it again. Read The Charisma Myth.

[–]youlovethisish0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you don't have a tendency for manipulation you likely will struggle very hard to understand it.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

Besides The Charisma Myth - which I'm definitely going to read ASAP - what can be done to learn this?

[–]kabylewolf1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

identifying micro expressions in people. There's a thread in the sidebar on TRP about that. You need to focus on peoples reaction, catch every eye movement, engagement of eye lid muscles, the different kinds of smiles, body language and the like. Once you can successfully identify all of that you'll be well on your way to identifying warning signs of you losing someone's interest.

Read the charisma myth first. Then look out to apply it in person and you'll pick up the ques you need to see.

[–]Zamarski0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Review some of the basics as found in the website "Succeed Socially" (Google it, it's free). There is a lot there that is basic but it will be a good reality check. It's mostly text, be warned.

Try to spend more social time with a wider age range. Older folks can be interesting (sadly, too many are still boring as fuck) and have a different style of conversation.

The ultimate social skill is public speaking. If there is a local Toastmasters group, attend a couple of meetings to gauge if it's for you. If you think you're up for it, go for it and start giving speeches.

And good call on the Charisma Myth by the other commenter.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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