Possible I have a kid that nobody knows about..

amwfhunter · 2019-12-12T09:32:26+00:00

While I am an advocate of supporting a child if it is indeed yours, in your situation u do nothing.

Are u fucking the mother? No.

Is she hitting u up on snapchat? Regularly? No.

Has she mentioned anything that it could be yours? No.

By law since you haven't taken a paternity test nor in a position to I say ghost this chick, block her, and leave it.

You're just setting yourself up for future troubles and it would be your own damned fault.

ogkushinjapan · 2019-12-12T09:46:00+00:00

[deleted]

jokezterz · 2019-12-12T11:22:36+00:00

Whenever you decide to do the "no condom" bullshit you should accept the terms of agreement. So by that i mean be a man and raise your kid, because would you want someone to do it to you? BUUUUUUUUUUT....

Life is not black and white, you really have the MAX gray event happening right now and i would be lying if i didnt say this. Just ignore her and better off delete any connection with her from your personal life. Why the fuck are you following her on snapchat? The more you look the more you start hamstering (yeah man you are currently moving towards hamster mode). Forget her, we all did some stupid shit but if you constantly remind her through social media you are going to go crazy. Some of the idiotic things i did, i have forgotten but thanks to disconnecting from the memories. You now have a seed "Is it my child?" in your brain. TAKE A GRIP MAN AND LOSE IT. Worst case scenario you will contact her while being super drugged or drunk and tell her "Hey i wanted to let you know i think your child might be mine" and then its game over boy.

xxx69harambe69xxx · 2019-12-12T13:11:57+00:00

Delete this post, delete your snapchat, change your nickname on all forms of online media

DarkestShadeOfRed · 2019-12-12T10:02:48+00:00

She knows nothing about me or my whereabouts except my Snapchat.

Ghost mode activated

DirtJellyBeanz · 2019-12-12T10:39:42+00:00

Oh boy, you got lucky bro... run for your life

I_LOVE_CHIPS · 2019-12-12T14:38:13+00:00

Delete her from snapchat. Yesterday.

At $1000/month for child support for 18 years you're looking at over $200k easy. This is a no-brainer. Especially if it's truly the only way she will ever track you down. That same investment in an S&P 500 index fund from 2001 to 2019 would yield around $550k.

At any point in the next 18 years she can hit you up for this money depending on how she "feels". Don't make it easy.

rizzyfromthe9 · 2019-12-12T14:24:34+00:00

You know how lucky you are for making such a dumbass mistake?

Block her on everything. You better pray she doesn’t end up contacting you in 5 years

MattyAnon · 2019-12-12T15:42:19+00:00

But Exactly 9 months later from the time we hooked up she has a kid..

She's also fucking her boyfriend and possibly other men.

he looks JUST LIKE ME.. same head, eyes, hair, facial structure, smile. Especially when I was a baby we could be twins. T

Ok, distinct possibility then.

And she wants me to take the test and pay her child support. What would I do?

At the moment it sounds like she's happy for the bf to be paying.

As regards "what would I do" - chances are you'd have no choice legally speaking.

After all this time would I have to?

Tricky. The fiancé / husband is probably defined as the legal adopter after a few years.... BUT.... if she breaks up with him and plan A falls through, you'll be on the hook as plan B. Not because that's legally fair or morally right, but because the government hates men and makes them pay for women's mistakes.

. All she has never contacted me once in 2 years, not even a hey how are you

You don't know if you're the father, AND NEITHER DOES SHE.

She knows she is the mother though, so it makes no difference to her who pays SO LONG AS SOMEONE DOES.

or everyone if it wasn’t. Idk this just has me thinking a lot. of any of you have any experience or advice. I’d appreciate it.

You'll struggle (legally) to force anyone into a paternity test, because the government hates fathers but loves their money. In other words you get no rights, but you still have to pay if it's yours.

Somehow you'll have to find a way to live with not knowing.

Gandalfthegrey2323 · 2019-12-12T11:54:19+00:00

I’m actually in the same situation. Mine is older now but it was a girl who was from Brazil visiting my university at the time. We had sex for like a week straight. 9 months later she has a kid and it turned out she was engaged. It’s harder to tell the kid is mine because she is dark skinned but every facial structure nose, mouth, etc looks like me and neither the “dad” nor her. I confronted her about it but she denied it. I’m like 90% it’s mine (I busted in her a lot, I know I’m a fucking idiot) but at this point there is nothing I can do. This marriage of hers was kind of arranged because both of the families are very wealthy. Like mega rich. So if/when they find out it’s not his all hell is going to break lose. At least I confronted her. Not much you can do man.

suckisuckilongtime · 2019-12-12T10:41:05+00:00

Turn as much assets as you can into cash take as much savings as you can while still leaving some in the bank Ofc and buy gold, hide it somewhere safe and wait.

That gold will be your safety net if you ever have to pay child support and you get financially ruined. At least you’ll have something to start from rather than nothing.

linkofinsanity19 · 2019-12-12T14:50:26+00:00

MY thoughts, ghost her for the following reasons.

You did not mention wanting to be a part of your possible kid's life, but hers if he is indeed yours. She's clearly proven herself not a woman you want to be involved with in the long term. Communist parade and all that.
She may have got her alpha seed (you) and is benefiting from her current beta bucks and that's why she hasn't sought you out for paternity... yet. Eventually BB might find out about the aforementioned parade and they fight, split up, and she suddenly is in the market for an income source (that's you).
Like you said yourself, it could be anyone's kid. This is more of a Schrodinger's cat type thing, and you do not benefit from knowing whether the cat is alive or not. all risk, no reward.

However, if you're certain this kid is yours and you feel fatherly obligation, realize that it may not be reciprocated in the future. Coming from adoption, I can tell you that I don't give a shit about my (now dead, formerly addict) biological parents because they are not the one's who raised me. They may as well be strangers. Your (potential) son may feel the same.

Last and most important, ask yourself if you are actually ready to be a father provided this kid is yours.

Don_Draper27 · 2019-12-12T19:39:33+00:00

You need to imagine where everyone is going to be in 5-10 years.

The kid right now is with a loving family with both parents married. You are living your life and in 5-10 years you might be happily married with your own kid that you and your wife planned.

Even if you "decide to raise your kid" you're going to make a lot of lives very ugly. Most importantly the kid's. She's going to grow up knowing that she is a byproduct of her mother's infidelity. The mother is going to despise you for the rest of her life for ruining her marriage and her life so there is zero hope of you even trying to "make things work" for the kid. Hell, the husband might even kill himself cause that's probably the worst situation any man can ever face.

I've actually been in this exact situation before myself. In 2012 I was told I was going to be a father. My whole family knew and I had a plan of moving us to my dad's house and working graveyard shift with him to provide and "do my duty". My mom always had a bad gut feeling about her since day 1 and she sensed that something was off with the situation. She spoke to a "psychic" (my ethnicity is pretty superstitious) and the psychic told her that the kid wasn't mine. I talked to the psychic myself and he told me that the kid wasn't mine and that the mom had been with 2 other guys.

Now, it's not that I 100% believed the psychic, but shit started to click in my head. I'd catch her meeting up with her ex boyfriend but she'd make up some BS that she was returning his things. She had also told me that she met up with this buff Chad dude and that he tried to kiss her but that she pushed him away.

I went with my gut feeling and confronted her at her work. I told her that I knew the baby wasn't mine and the look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know.

I found out from friends that she had gotten back with her ex-boyfriend and she was claiming that the kid was his. This time of my life was very painful but looking back now I dodged a kill-shot bullet.

Now that kid just turned 7 years old and I went through the mom's instagram page a few months ago to see how they were doing and god damn if that baby does not look like me. I swear the kid looks like me when I was 7 if I were wearing a wig.

The mom is still with the "dad" and they seem happy and I'm genuinely happy for them. I think shit played out as it should have.

I'm always going to wonder in the back of my mind if shit stops working out for them if she will track me down and start claiming the kid is mine and demanding child support but meh, there's worse shit to worry about in my life.

My advice is to just let it go. Block her from snapchat and everywhere else she could possibly reach you and let them live their lives. That kid deserved a loving family.

i-am-the-prize · 2019-12-12T16:06:27+00:00

the kid will find out eventually. as home dna kits become more cheap and available (ancestry docom, 23andme, etc) shit will hit the fan. best to cut ties completely early and ghost. do you have any mutual contacts on snap? she can ask them: "so how do i get a hold of /u/send_it_for_the_boys ??" and that's it, they'll know your name.

Magahaka · 2019-12-12T15:51:53+00:00

Holy shit, I mean you are all good. But how the fuck that other dude should be feeling... If I would be in that dudes place I would destroy my fiances life if I found out. I guess everybody in the future should do a dna test just to make sure...

PhaedrusHunt · 2019-12-12T18:02:24+00:00

Interesting. Responses are all over the place but most seem to say delete block hide.

Personally I want to be in my kids lives. Sure it's going to raise a shitstorm for you but it's going to come up at some point anyway.

Even if you're not on ancestry DNA or something like that, You have thousands of cousins that are and you're going to be found out eventually.

It's wild my friend got a cold call from the police in Seattle with a dead John Doe on their hands. She had done ancestry DNA or 23 and me and was this dead guys closest living relative. She had no idea who he was but they eventually figured it out.

If you're going to go try to, but you'll be dealing with this one day guaranteed.

Face the music now and maybe be in your kids life, or face it later and she wonders why you never gave a shit

Title	Possible I have a kid that nobody knows about..
Author	send_it_for_the_boys
Upvotes	31
Comments	46
Date	December 12, 2019 9:20 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e9ldwc/possible_i_have_a_kid_that_nobody_knows_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/possible-i-have-a-kid-that-nobody-knows-about.298909 https://theredarchive.com/post/298909