I'm writing this here, because although its not really a question, I'm not a long time member of TRP and so I wouldn't feel right posting it on the main, since it could be wrong. But I think its something we all have to accept, so I'm posting it in the sense that, if its wrong, I'll get advice, if its right, then... its right.

I want to remember why I even found this place.

Why did I find this? Because I wanted something. Then I found, I could not have this thing that I wanted.

What do I want? I just want a fucking girlfriend who I'm attracted to who I can fuck and spend enjoyable moments with. I don't want to spin plates, I didn't come here to learn that. I just found that it was a requirement.

And so begins the anger phase. I don't WANT to do this, its not what I wanted. This ruins everything, all my dreams and plans are destroyed.

This is grief. But instead of something that did exist, this existed only as an idea, a desire. I didn't think to check with reality, if it was worth pouring my heart into it, because everyone told me, "you're right, that is how it works", all those stories of romance, everything you were told, all those disney films. I believed that. This is why TRP has an anger phase, because its just like grief from the loss of a loved one. Your true love has literally died when you find this, she hasn't just died but been eradicated from all history. The idea only ever existed in your head, and out there in the societal matrix of bullshit.

"Ohhh you're only attractive if I'm in competition with 10 other women. You don't have 10 other women interested and willing to fuck at a moments notice? Well, then I'm sorry but you're not the man for me. The man I want could drop me at a moments notice, yeah, thats what I want."

Is it just me or is that fucking insane? Women are literally crazy. Its like saying, I don't want a NORMAL parachute. I only find enjoyment when the parachute has a 1 in 10 odds of not working, otherwise, I'm not going up in the plane, I'm not doing the skydive, its just not exciting enough.

You know what really pisses me off, is that we are given the bad image! We are FORCED to act this way, and then, we are the villains!

But I don't think many of us wanted this, did we? I didn't.

I found my first love at about 14. Then 19. And so on. I loved them enough to spend the rest of my life with them, or to at least give them a damn good chance. But no. Because I wasn't a slut, I wasn't "good" enough. Because I was too much of a sure thing, how "convenient" to my happiness, that it would be the worst thing I could have done. Wow I'm such a "beta" for just wanting to cut through the bullshit and just admit we fucking like each other and to give it a chance. So weak of me.

Yeah I should just put that on hold, and go and fuck people I don't give a shit about, then you'll love me back, for about 1 week, then the games start.

Oh, the games. Yes, lets make it a game, we've only got about 30 years of "prime sexual life" on this planet, lets fuck around playing games shall we? Its not like we don't live forever and can afford to waste time is it?

I tell you what, you go off and try to get 10-20% better, and I'll do the same, and we'll never see each other again, because we'll be pretending we're too good for each other. We'll never really be happy, we'll always be chasing that unattainable absolute perfection, its... juuuuuussttt.... arrrouunndddd that cornnerrrr I can feel it!

Fuck off.

I mean, don't you just WISH women weren't like this? You can puke out all the facts until you're blue in the face, "oh well you see its just nature, the alpha and the beta and blah blah blah", you're all disappointed, admit it.

"but I spin 5 plates, I deal with the shit tests, I never sleep over, I'm a winner!"

You're a loser. You lost when you were born, you lost when you thought someone would love you. Your whole existence is to be a loser, everything you do that you think is so good, is meaningless, everything you do that you think is winning, is just accepting that you couldn't have what you wanted, and so you're taking the second prize with a restrained tear trying to force its way out of your eye, but you keep pushing it back in, trying to reaffirm to yourself that its ok.

Well, its not ok. Can we admit that? Its a disappointment.

I don't blame women, they have their own crosses to bear. They are what they are. Its like blaming gravity.

All we can do, and all we do with TRP, is pick up the remnants of a shattered dream, and pick away at what little we can find, in order to ameliorate our grief.

Edit: I should probably say, that this post is meant to be a bit humorous, in that I went over the top. But thats not to say I don't think its true. I'm just not as bothered as it might come across. I'm not depressed with life as a whole, but the whole sexual area of life just comes across as a joke, or a scam. It reminds me of gambling - the flashy lights, everyone's laughing, and at the end of the evening you lost everything. But I do accept it for what it is, but I just don't want to buy into the idea that its ok, to me it will never be ok.