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Self Esteem Conflict

September 10, 2017

I have a lot of trouble with self esteem and self image and keep running into a constant conflict between something I read in a lot of self esteem based literature and then the general way I've experienced life and the realistic mentality TRP speaks from.

A lot of self esteem literature is based around the idea that you should “be confident in your right to be happy, successful, deserving, entitled to assert your wants and needs”.

But in reality, who deserves or is entitled to anything? As far as i understand, no one deserves anything. No one is entitled to shit. You have to try and work to attain whatever you want but there's no guarantee of anything. That's reality.

When I read the concept “you deserve to be happy. You're entitled to assert your needs”, they mean absolutely nothing to me. No one owes me shit. I can try to achieve like I always have if I think it'll lead somewhere constructive but that's the extent of it. I should and do feel lucky and grateful if there is some sort of positive response but ultimately I shouldn't expect anything in response (outcome independence).

My habits and lifestyle are in my control but success isn't.

So, back to the actual question: how and why are you supposed to feel you deserve or are entitled to anything especially when it involves other people.

I can wake up, work out, go to work, eat healthily and hope these are positively affecting my mental and physical state but there is no guarantee. I can be genuinely interested or attracted to other people but they don't owe me friendship or anything else. Who am I to ask or expect anything from someone else? Being vulnerable is a weak position to be in and why would anyone willingly reward or associate with that?

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Post Information
Title Self Esteem Conflict
Author empatheticapathetic
Upvotes 1
Comments 12
Date September 10, 2017 6:22 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/self-esteem-conflict.114091
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6z9w38/self_esteem_conflict/
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