As you’ll see from my post history. 30s - LTR, oneitis and trying to get better day by day.

One of the cardinal sins in my LTR was not setting clear boundaries early on.

This week i used a friends story to coax out the boundary topic and laid mines out. This is a year on in the relationship. Some advice from previous posters was not to do it. Too late etc. Others and myself thought it was better late than never and there was some thinking that the boundaries would end things. For my own sanity i needed to do it so i could avoid the ‘i didn’t know that was a problem for you’ excuse.

Here there are - no lies, no cheating - both self explanatory. No 1 on 1s with new opposite sex, no flirty texting with new guys or exs.

Now i laid this all down in a way that this is and always has been who i am. I tried not to elaborate too much on it and kept harping back to the friends story if i needed to make a point. I told her that ‘if i were that friend and it were happening id be straight out .. no looking back’ just to push the consequences aspect. It felt like she believed me- who knows - She seemed to get the message and became very submissive afterwards with touchy feely displays and affection.

So thats how its been left. The next thing to do is be cast iron on my word should any of this be broken. Its intimidating as i know that all i have now is my word but that it is also the most powerful thing in my arsenal.

The question i have is if i’m deluding myself that she won’t try to shit test this in some way? I guess if she does i walk away and hold true to my word as the way i see it i’ve drawn a line in the sand and now you know not to cross it.

Anybody experience with setting boundaries and then facing a barrage of shit tests. This girl knows the game to some degree too as she uses relationship lingo like gaslighting, tests etc