I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, just on myself and "where things started to go wrong", and I was hit by kind of an interesting realization.

I'm curious how many others here would relate to this -- I'm 30, I imagine older than many users here, so maybe it's a generational thing -- but when I was really young (like 12 and earlier), I used to get picked on for being a "pretty boy". At school, and also by my dad (my cousins just made fun of being for being "pasty and goofy-looking", because I'm a redhead while they're much more Native-American).

It's funny reflecting on how that shaped my behavior at such a young age. I wanted to be seen as "tough" and "badass", not "pretty". "Pretty" was for girls, and I wasn't a girl, right?

So, somewhere along the way, I think maybe I subconsciously started embracing "being ugly". I gained weight, but you know, "at least I'm not a 'pretty boy'". I went through the usual highschool phase of growing all kinds of facial hair, but when I got older, I grew my hair and beard out. I was frequently told I "look like a viking", which admittedly, I do kind of miss. But I took that as validation that "pretty boy = bad, and I am no a pretty boy, therefore I = good". But I never actually felt good about myself, and I've been an insecure mess for pretty much all of my life.

It's only recently dawned on me that maybe everything I know about "being a man" is completely fucked. A startling realization at 30, but better late than never, right?

Girls always liked "pretty boys" in highschool, and women still like "pretty boys" in the rest of the world. Because if you really break it down, it's a statement that men who are either insecure or too lazy to improve their appearance use against guys who seem effortlessly good-looking, as a means of making themselves feel better.

It may sound dumb, but that realization has actually been sort of humbling to consider. I am definitely no longer a "pretty boy", but you know, I honestly wish I was. And so I am gradually working towards that; working out every (week)day, fixing my diet, trying to steps towards improving my appearance (speaking of which, real talk; do any of you guys have advice for getting even a slight tan as a ginger? Because the sun hates me...).

I would also say, I've also realized that the term "pretty boy" only serves to tear other guys down, when really, we should be building each other up.

So... that's just one of the things that's been running through my head. Food for thought, anyway.

But how do you guys feel on the subject? Does the term "pretty boy" mean something different to you? What's your feeling on the subject?