The catch-22 of "giving value"

laere · 2015-09-05T02:58:22+00:00

Simply put, it shouldn't be called giving value. It should be called sharing value. Or in other words it is bluepill/beta to give value and redpill/alpha to share it.

You share value by what you bring to the interaction. You can share value by being a good organizer- someone who can bring different social circles together to have a good time for all. Girls can see your value and you're not actually giving them anything. They just get to be a part of the "bsutansalt experience".

You can share your value by being entertaining, not in the beta way however. Your value isn't given by buying a girl a drink or taking her out on dates. It's by virtue of you being there that her night is better than it was without you in it. You can be funny, charming, or just have a good ass body. If you have a good body, you're not giving anything away but the girl still feels validated that you're giving her attention.

Personally, I love making people laugh. I'm good at it and it is just who I am. A large part of the value I "give" is just being who I am. I say what is on my mind and the people around me enjoy it. So I'm really not giving anything away, I'm simply inviting them into my world so they can share it with me.

RSDTyler says a lot of things along the line of owning your reality and bringing girls into it. If you are giving your value away, you are trying to enter that girl's reality and frame.

Tl;dr Good value is value that is shared, not given.

bsutansalt · 2015-09-05T02:10:44+00:00

So look, sometimes there is just "too much". If you have no interest in being friends with a girl, don't act like a friend. If you get friend-zoned, you get out of there because you're only going to end up like the above.

She will end up pushing you away, and the more she pushes you away, the more you're going to freak out and try to please her by doing more until you're bitter and resentful.

Actually look at the people you decide to "give value" to and identify whether they are people that give value to you.

For example:

My male coworker/friend looked stressed out, so I bought him a beer after work because he looked like he really needed one and none of his guy friends were around. He returned the favour when he noticed some weeks later I was stressed out from work. Same coworker offered to pay for coffee when the debit machine wouldn't work -- said coworker, however, does not jump at the opportunity to "pay every time". I bought him a doughnut a couple days later to pay him back.

These things are give and take. They are situations that happen naturally as they come up and because there is a reason. Once you're trying to look for reasons that aren't obvious, that's when it goes overboard.

Where some guys go wrong is they think "Okay, if I'm nice to her and if I'm her friend, she'll eventually come around" -- so you try to look for those reasons, and read in to any situation, and even at times think "oh there is a reason, she's just not telling me! this will just be one of those unspoken but appreciated things!" -- but guess what? You're acting like a friend and expecting her to treat you as more. If you have no intention of being treated like a friend, don't act like a friend. You're giving and giving and giving with the hope that you'll be noticed, and deep down growing resentful each and every time the reaction isn't what you wanted.

trpftw · 2015-09-05T02:45:54+00:00

Calibration is key.

The reason blue pills are blue pill, is because they are full-on blue pill at all times. Supplicating, being too eager, being too clingy, doing everything wrong.

But this is not a single-player game. There is a target in this. The girl is also making choices. For some girls, they need less clingy, for other girls, they need more attention.

You have to be good at reading girls and calibrating.

If you're too red pill, too unattached, you might get some FWBs but you might also eliminate a lot of girls who are looking for more of an emotional connection or STR/LTR. This is perfectly fine for most of TRP subscribers, if they're approaching a lot of girls, but it's not the only way.

As soon as I sense something is off with a girl, as soon as I sense some sort of boredom or lack of interest, I switch from my current strategy. If I have been being too available, too responsive, too connected, I do the opposite. And vice-versa if I was the opposite.

You should always opt to give some value, while also not trying too hard to do it. If you think of a funny joke, you tell it, but only if it comes naturally, if it is because "oh shit conversation getting boring, better come up with a funny joke" then you're tryharding.

Sometimes you might calibrate too late, and sometimes you might overdo something or underperform. But well, that's part of the difficulty of social interactions.

Sepean · 2015-09-05T06:31:02+00:00

Giving value isn't about doing favors for her or listening to her fee fees.

Flip it around. Would you rather have a shit testing Victoria's Secret model that fucked your brains out, or a 50 year old fatty who cooked and cleaned and told you how great you are all the time?

Make yourself valuable; lift, hold frame, etc. If you're alpha you give value just by letting her hang on your arm and fucking her, much more value than menial tasks that any random orbiter could provide.

Title	The catch-22 of "giving value"
Author	bsutansalt
Upvotes	2
Comments	6
Date	September 5, 2015 1:59 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3jp1ks/the_catch22_of_giving_value/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/the-catch-22-of-giving-value.153410 https://theredarchive.com/post/153410