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The old "I'll let you know"

August 10, 2019
1 upvotes

Been seeing this girl 5 times over the past 5 weeks. We parted ways last Sunday with a kiss. She said "I'll let you know" regarding her availability. She does have a busy job, that I know. There was nothing attached to what she said re: timeframe - as in, "...by Thursday" or "by the end of the week".

Pertinent:

  • I only texted her to schedule dates, and have done so the last 5 times. We fucked all 5 times, first date included.

I think I have critically fucked it here. I am guessing my availability is decreasing her interest. For what it's worth, last Sunday she was a bit less affectionate than usual. She is 2-3/mo post-breakup after a serious relationship of 3 years. I know she is seeing other guys, and I don't care, but at the same time I enjoy spending time with her.

I am thinking of going with AMS/Corey Wayne strategy of not messaging her this week or the next week, and reaching out a full 14 days after our alst hangout. Thoughts?

For what it's worth, this girl is SUPER into me. Said a lot of heavy shit on the 4th date and I'm wondering if she psyched herself out.

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Post Information
Title The old "I'll let you know"
Author sncvc
Upvotes 1
Comments 9
Date August 10, 2019 7:40 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/the-old-ill-let-you-know.248363
https://theredarchive.com/post/248363
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/comlds/the_old_ill_let_you_know/
Comments

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lol first you say she isn't that into you and then you say she's super into you. Speaking of filling your basket full of bullshit, you're doing a great job!

[–]sncvc 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy Link

Huh? No, I am saying I know she has said she is into me. She has made it blatantly obvious, but not her attitude has shifted. I am wondering what the proper course of action is here. I am inclined to wait it out.

[–]doublecup__2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

We parted ways last Sunday with a kiss. She said "I'll let you know" regarding her availability.

If you asked her about her availability at the end of a date, that's a dumb mistake. You're showing her that you either don't have much going on OR you do but you're dropping everything and prioritizing her.

You have the right idea. Regardless of how she said it (text or IRL) you respond the same way: silence. Either she'll actually get back to you and you move from there or she doesn't and you wait for a good amount of time before giving a second chance. Also for future reference, when you get "I might be able to," "I'll let you know" or any other wishy-washy answer you can just straight up tell her that she seems unsure of her schedule and you'll just do it another time. This signals your low tolerance for games and teaches her not to do this in the future.

Side note:

For what it's worth, this girl is SUPER into me.

Girls are very volatile creatures so don't be surprised if a chick you've labeled as a "sure thing" suddenly starts pulling some bullshit.

[–]sncvc 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy Link

You're right. However, just to clarify, I didn't ask her. She mentioned her availability. I used to make the mistake of followup dates. I never do that now.

[–]doublecup__0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

sounds like you're doing fine, keep it up

[–]sncvc 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man, and for your help. One last question:

When a girl is unsure of her schedule, I go with the Corey Wayne approach: Say that she seems unsure of her schedule (like you said) and to get back to me when she is free.

The one problem I have with that approach is that it is so passive. I am guessing it is an exception because if she is interested enough, she'll find a way to see me?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

This Corey technique only works if you propose a definite date first. This means you made your move which is active, she didn't accept fully, so now you stop wasting time on her but keep the window possibly open. Doing something active after that will just make her lose attraction even more.

[–]sncvc 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy Link

I see now. So it seems like I'm in a gray area - She mentioned her availability without me asking, and could potentially be waiting for me to initiate. I didn't propose anything, but she said she'd let me know, so I'll just take her at her word and wait two weeks to message.

[–]doublecup__0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

bob is right, you use that tactic when you've already tried to set up a date but she's unsure

she might have mentioned it since it seems like you've been seeing each other in a predictable pattern (once a week 5 weeks in a row). waiting two weeks will break this pattern and start some hamster action so you should be good from here. i would even go further and advise flaking/declining whatever date she proposes IF she does get back to you just to create some chaos.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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