I just recently found this sub /r/TheRedPill in the middle of another breakdown consisting of self hatred, pushing my emotions on females for help and uncertainty about my direction in life as a whole.
I've been working a dead beat ass job living with my parents smoking weed getting drunk and playing video games for 4 years doing damn near nothing. I always had this fantasy that a woman would walk into my life and bolster me up. She would motivate me to become the man I am meant to be. She would care. Not in reality. Just another excuse to be a peice of shit.
For the last 9 months I gave up gaming. I got active. I work out 5 days a week and go to the bars 2-4 nights a week. I have nearly no body fat naturally and I'm getting muscle mass fast. I'm charismatic. I love talking to people and meeting people, but I still freeze up when it comes to a woman I find extremely attractive. I have this mindset that females are pure and perfect princesses that I should serve. I do not want to bother her. I don't approach her without her being extremely forward with me. I end up going home with alone or with a gremlin every night thinking how fucking stupid I am for not even trying. Even though when I do try I nearly always succeed in some way.
I think it's because of my inflates opinion of females, especially beautiful females. They really aren't that God damn great are they? They just want to use my power to forward their own desires. At least that's what I've been seeing around here. I'm very confused about what to think. Should I focus on this or just move forward, get my ass into college. Get a better job. Forget about women? I don't fucking know.
From what I've read on this reddit so far and from THE Red Pill Handbook is that I'm a boy. My ex girlfriend dumped me because I'm a boy. It hurt my feelings because I'm a boy. I'm not a man. I tried to serve her. I wanted to be her lap dog and do whatever she wanted. I thought I could please her that way. Out of the blue I'm fuckin dumped and I know now she never respected me. I don't think I'll ever look at a woman the same way again. I don't know what to do.
TL;DR I'm a boy who wants to become a man. I have serious misconceptions about women.