I'm 31, and honestly, I have more than my fair share of personal issues and insecurities. But things don't just magically "get better", you have to work to improve your situation. And I really want to start working on that.

I'm taking steps towards being healthier (finally got my power-rack for lifting weights put up, and started cooking a few odd meals for myself), but that's only part of the battle. The other part is that... well, honestly?

When it comes to anything to do with women, I expect to fail.

I can't seem to get out of my own head. It was just weighing really heavily on my mind the past couple days, but I honestly have this issue where I not only overthink things, but have this voice in my head that constantly reminds me of all the women who rejected me, or turned me down. Those are my only experiences, really; I've only been on one real date in my life (couple years ago, we'd only met through mutual friends once or twice), and I feel like I constantly remind myself and put myself down.

So, I'm committed to trying to change that.

As dumb as it sounds, though, I tend to have more success with those dumb "to-do lists". Like "talk to one stranger each day", back when I used to have more general social anxiety. Which, doing anything every day might be difficult. But, like... I dunno. Maybe "ask two women for coffee by the end of the month" might not be horrible, right?

Also, since someone here commented sometime ago on one of my posts, that "if he [me] can't get laid in DC, he's not going to have success anywhere", maybe I should try and make a point to drive into DC and go to a bar by myself? That honestly makes me sort of anxious just thinking about, but if that's something you guys thing would actually be beneficial, then I'll figure a way to work that into my schedule (and budget).

I know it's sort of in poor taste to ask others for help around here, that you have to "help yourself". But honestly? I just really don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm just tired of being someone I'm not proud of being, if that makes any sense. I really want to become a better man, but I struggle when it comes to forming an actual plan for how to do that.