What are some of your personal, less common, red flags when it comes to girls?

trpftw · 2015-09-30T20:02:47+00:00

I like to look for psychological red flags rather than specific traits/behaviors/lifestyles.

A sense of entitlement. See what happens and how she reacts when she doesn't get what she wants. If she constantly gives off this idea that she is a princess that must be pleased or she has a temper tantrum, that's a red flag. A sense that others are in this world to please her. A sense that she deserves all sorts of amazing things that she would never do for others.
Using childish behaviors as a way to punish others and manipulate their behavior: "I'm leaving then, you should just go home and I'll go to my place, because you said something I didn't like." The threat of leaving and/or using "silent treatment" etc. to "punish" your behavior or opinion or belief.
Wild dramatic mood swings. An irritation is a reason to rage. A sad moment is not a sad moment but a depressing 1-hour talk. An opinion that isn't liked is a reason to discuss the possibility of no future together. Everything is exaggerated 100x. Every reaction is 1000x worse than what a normal person does. One moment sad, the next angry, the next happy, in any order in a short period of time (in the same few hours).
Substance abuse of any kind. Drinking alcohol, shots especially for the specific purpose of getting drunk and continuously drinking despite already being buzzed. Think 4-7 shots of whiskey etc. Drinking even when their partner wants to stop/end. Do not date people who do drugs, even marijuana unless it's very occasional/rare. Try to avoid cigarette smokers too in this day and age.
Pressuring others to drink or do drugs. Pressuring someone to drink and drive. Or commit other reckless behaviors.
emotional abuse --- this means causing a problem, to which they have a temper tantrum, to which they assign the blame onto you despite the fact that they caused it in the first place. Explaining that they caused the problem, causes them to react even worse, because now they cannot face the reality that they caused the problem in the first place and it feels like a "personal attack."
Gas lighting -- Making false accusations/blames that they use as a way to make you doubt yourself and remember the past incorrectly. The idea is to knowingly change the record about what they said in order to make you second guess your own memory.
A sign of an underdeveloped mind: she can say things about you, that you cannot say those same things about her. Or she can tell you something negative about herself, but you cannot say that negative thing about her.
Image problems, she's constantly complaining about something visual about herself, despite the fact that she's fairly good looking and sexy.
Abandonment/rejection issues, she's constantly afraid of being alone, loves crowded places, doesn't like to sleep alone. Gets annoyed when a place she goes too isn't full of people. Gets annoyed when you leave her, even if momentarily.
Inability to hold down a job. (exceptions might be that she's already rich)
Inability and irresponsibility when it comes to finances and managing personal spending.
Inability to care about suffering of strangers or people that are not close to her.
Paranoia about certain things, such as what others will think of them to an extreme level.
Inability to get along with female friends. Constantly under battle with other girls, such as extreme jealousy, accusations of stealing boyfriends, or low opinion of other girls unnecessarily and irrationally.
A lack of friends at all or even a mention of them. But this could be due to certain situations, in one case, it was a girl with medical conditions that drove away all her friends (because she needed constant care), that would be an exception. In another case, it was a period of terrible depression due to loss of family which that sadness can drive away most friends (potentially even leaving only beta male friends who can't seem to just disassociate themselves from a girl with problems, preferring to be an emotional tampon).
A feeling of self-worth tied to how she can attract guys or is liked by guys. Or any sort of slutty behavior such as having tons and tons of previous partners. Constant messages/tinder-messages from random people.
A lack of forethought about the future, a lack of discussing settling down, or having family, or having kids. A desire to party forever.
Bored rapidly. Inability to do normal things, like hang out, talk. Inability to do a quiet night of just dinner and movie. Inability to just watch TV with someone they like. Constant need to "go out to someplace" or party or somewhere new/exotic/different. Does she really like you and be alone with you? Or does she just like to go out a lot and just doesn't want to do it alone because society frowns on that?
someone else reminded me, using sex as a weapon. Using sex as a reward. Like as if she only has sex to please you rather than for her own pleasure. Acts like as if you will take care of her (provide for her) as a resource base your whole life and that she may never even think about getting a job.
All the symptoms can be amplified, when under the influence of alcohol. They say, you really get to know a person truly, when you drink a lot together.

On a positive note: If she's revealing these symptoms to you, you can better manage your expectations and hers to have a decent relationship or simply plating. It's much worse if these symptoms show up, later in an LTR or worse, during marriage, as it has for some TRPers who are now divorced.

edit: expanded to include other dangerous symptoms.

I_Wear_Jorts5 · 2015-09-30T22:32:09+00:00

The inability text/call back in a reasonable amount of time is a huge red flag for me.

I know that this behavior can be part of "the game" early on, but it really shows a lack of respect once you've started seeing each other fairly regularly

moresmarterthanyou · 2015-09-30T19:34:38+00:00

She doesnt have a good relationship with her dad. 100% of the time it = crazy

fingerboxes · 2015-09-30T19:24:01+00:00

blue hair

Sdom1 · 2015-09-30T19:59:40+00:00

In the context of an LTR, two words: bored easily. She's always looking for new stuff to keep her occupied. This one sucks because a lot of times this quality makes the girl fun and interesting and fresh. But her tendency to get bored will inevitably be applied to you, and then she'll find someone more interesting to replace you.

i2amahandmodel · 2015-09-30T21:56:45+00:00

My advice for the inexperienced here.... Listen, let her tell her stories, lead them without judgement. The red flags always come out when you just observe. My go to rule is that if a woman mentions something odd more than seems appropriate then its what shes thinking of most.

example:This woman I went out with brought up one night stands on our first date and said she doesnt like them. Im not going to ask her why (cant trust their words), I just make a joke about why they suck and shes satisfied. She brings it up 3 more times during our night when it wasnt relevant. I assumed she had gotten burned on a ONS which meant to me that she does do it and she is easily foolable. End of the night, I got her to come back to my place and made her thoughts reality

fit_to_fight · 2015-09-30T21:19:46+00:00

No hobbies or interests outside of shopping, going to restaurants and staring at her dam phone.

ARedSchoolofThought · 2015-10-01T02:48:44+00:00

For an LTR: can't cook and / or lives a sedentary life style, i.e. doesn't work out, run, w/e. No one stays small forever if they can't even cook for themselves or don't workout.

RPAlternate42 · 2015-09-30T21:21:44+00:00

body is in shape but has that small, but present, pudge under, and behind her chin that says she is going to re-inflate at a moment's notice. Usually comes hand-in-hand with fingers that aren't proportional to her body (fingers don't lose weight.)
Doesn't have hobbies.
Messy Car (usually also has a messy room.)
Goes to church

CatFancier4393 · 2015-10-01T06:28:24+00:00

Being messy is one of mine. A person's bedroom is usually a window into their mental status. If their room is always clean and organized then their mind is usually the same. If their room is a fucking mess with trash pushed into the corners then they sure as hell are as well.

Of course everyone is a little messy, but slobs are not good people to be around.

Everything you are right now is a result of all the decisions that you have made in your life. So in a way people's rooms are manifestations of their being. Beware slobs.

OmLaLa · 2015-09-30T19:00:06+00:00

If she's initially overly invested or interested, whether it's online or in-person, there's a reason for it that she's not telling you. Especially if she's attractive.

If it seems too good to be true, it is.

(I beat you here, u/abdada!)

[deleted] · 2015-09-30T19:46:40+00:00

if she's a teacher. seriously. Every teacher I've dated has been bat shit crazy.

gamefuck · 2015-09-30T23:29:07+00:00

Might sound dumb but I pretty much avoid blondes. I just know their perceived SMV is way blown over proportion and I also assume they've fucked a lot of guys.

Exceptions:

Fake blondes: a girl just wanted to be blonde for a few months.

wehadtosaydickety · 2015-10-01T02:45:57+00:00

If you talk to her about a past LTR and its all his fault. this is my favorite one because it shows how much she can empathize and how fast her hamster can spin.

My last LTR cheated on a guy and posted it all over Facebook. Poor bastard. One example she gave of how it was his fault was that he didn't ask her about a project she was working on. Next

HellhoundsOnMyTrail · 2015-09-30T18:52:51+00:00

One I get downvoted for every time is her willingness to sleep with me early on. It's unpopular but I don't think bedding a girl takes much skill. And women like that are more like to have either personality disorders or attachment problems. Had to learn that one the hard way.

BaltoSquadGuy · 2015-09-30T19:33:50+00:00

--Has expensive hobbies like owns/cares for large animals, esp. horses.

--Has had an abortion.

--Has made it to age 30 without having been married (pretty common)

--Smokes cigarettes.

--Has a lot of male friends ("They're just fraaaaaannnnds").

--Can't manage her money; always having financial "issues"

--still clinging to mommy and daddy, insists on visiting or talking with parents constantly (I went to college with a girl who called her parents on the phone every single night and talked with them for at least one hour. This was back in the days of long distance charges. Her phone bills were $200 a month.)

BaltoSquadGuy · 2015-09-30T19:50:52+00:00

Someone already mentioned owning/caring for large animals, like horses. I'll add a few:

Brags about extensive travel history
Drives an unnecessarily large vehicle - girls with pickup trucks come to mind.
Girls who make immediate attempts to friend/follow you on social media outlets, or attract attention to theirs.

[deleted] · 2015-10-01T05:31:03+00:00

Not being honest when answering a fact-based question. If you feel the need to hide something, just say, "it's too personal and I'll tell you in time". Don't lie about it.

drallcom3 · 2015-10-01T08:50:23+00:00

Football ("Soccer") fan who watches every game or even goes to the stadium. Always means too masculine behavior.
Teacher. Loud, have to be right at all times, either unfeminine hippies or lazy.
Social worker (for children). Come on, it's more or less unskilled labor. Like being a mother for very nasty children and the woman in question picks up those behavior, too.
Nurse. Not really her fault, but the schedule sucks.
No steady job or place to live. Speaks for itself.
Too many travel pictures, especially if under 30. She had someone to pay for these. If you work for your money yourself you never have the time and the money for extensive travel.
Expensive hobbies. Hey Mr. BB!
Party/club pics. Look, that's her riding the carousel!
Not doing her nails. If she doesn't care about them a tiny bit she isn't feminine in general.

_smosbol_ · 2015-10-01T13:45:11+00:00

My major red flag is status seeking behavior and taking social media too seriously.

This consists of posting multiple pictures a week on instagram of the most trivial things, having a ton of profile pictures on facebook of her face, you guys know how it is probably.

A girl I was seeing told me she would like to become famous and recognized by other people. For some reason this is a major red flag to me.

If she goes out multiple times a week. I probably don't have to elaborate why that is. It all comes down to attention and validation seeking.

If she likes to watch tv a lot during her spare time and talks to you about those awful reality shows she likes to watch.

If she only listens to hit music on the radio and has no interest in decent, tasteful music and culture.

If she has only a couple of things she likes in her life and isn't able or doesn't care to find out about other things that might be interesting.

I know there are all pretty detailed but it's like that for me.

AaronKClark · 2015-09-30T21:44:29+00:00

Smoking, Drugs, Getting Drunk a lot, if shes a super in your face Feministy type, talks about her ex too early, talks to her ex in general, Has A LOT of exes (chronic dater), Kids (harsh but its the truth), childish behavior (whiny, tantrums, etc just generally childish bs), manipulative (gold digging, trying to change me into her version of a bf, trying to use sex as a reward), high number partners (~3+ if shes under 25 and ~5+ if shes 30 or under)

That's for LTR.

abdada · 2015-09-30T19:03:02+00:00

I've posted some of my red flag list many times before here.

Here's some:

owns a dog
has high debt (including college if untenable)
always messy bedroom (beyond the usual)
many bins of chopped carrots in fridge
no female friends in good LTRs

AaronKClark · 2015-09-30T21:51:39+00:00

She has old condoms pinned to her walls.

Thizzlebot · 2015-09-30T19:39:42+00:00

Don't get into a LTR with a woman who currently or has ever worked in the food industry. That lifestyle is nothing but drama and trouble.

krustytheclown2 · 2015-09-30T23:45:50+00:00

I don't really pay attention to physical stuff like how they look, I pay attention to their action (or inaction) to determine their personality. Take for example my ex-gf, on the first date she didn't offer to pay. That should have been a major red flag for me, which I did realize, but I choose to ignore it b/c I was pretty thirsty back then (old blue pill me). My subconscious was telling me what as going on but i choose to ignore what my gut was telling me about my ex-gf. For some shitty reason, I made her my LTR and she continued to take advantage of me for my money. Looking back now, I should have weeded her out on the first date.

TL;DR: Listen to your gut feelings.

Title	What are some of your personal, less common, red flags when it comes to girls?
Author	SnortCreatine
Upvotes	40
Comments	180
Date	September 30, 2015 6:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3n01wv/what_are_some_of_your_personal_less_common_red/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/what-are-some-of-your-personal-less-common-red.119 https://theredarchive.com/post/119