I am definitely the leader in my relationship and my girlfriend's generally in my frame and pretty submissive. However, when we have an argument, which doesn't happen often, her way of dealing with it is to shut down like a clam and she becomes a wall. She won't argue for long, she'll just become cold/sad and stop talking. My whole life I've been dealing with arguments a different way. I'm always looking for both parties to express themselves and make amends so that we move on fast. I don't hold grudges, I forgive and my mood can go from bad to great in 20mins. This causes me to be the one trying to defuse the situation every time. And I feel like it breaks my frame. I never do it by apologizing or whatever anyway. I'll say stuff like "that's just a dumb argument anyway, you know what, let's do x and x and it's whatever". She then softens up and she almost always apologises for whatever that she might have to be sorry for.

However, if I don't do this, she shuts down for a lil while. For hours. I'm so diametrally opposed to that, I'll be smiling and cracking jokes 5 mins later. It hasn't backfired yet, because as I said I don't come around and ask for forgiveness. I just get her to see that it's cool again for me.

But maybe there's a better way to deal with it.

Ps: it's not about arguing about her doing a blatant mistake or something on her part, when I'm right she always apologises straight away and doesn't shut down.