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Why is it so hard for me to get over my slutty ex?

June 5, 2017
2 upvotes

I dumped my ex 6 weeks ago because I didn't trust her and the relationship had become too one-sided. I had given her way too much power, I knew I loved her more than she loved me, and she was going to cheat on me eventually. She threw a fit and harassed me for a few weeks afterwards, but I know it was more out of being embarrassed about being dumped than actually wanting to be with me. I discovered TRP not long after the breakup and its really helped me figure some things out about myself. She's a slutty girl that I thought wanted to get her shit together for me, but I know now that I was an idiot to even attempt a relationship with her.

I was miserable during the relationship. I couldn't wait to get out of it. But weeks later I'm still having a hard time getting over her. I don't want to get back with her. I never want to see or hear from her again. Even when we were in a relationship, I soon realized that it wasn't a relationship that could last, let alone end in marriage. Why can I not snap out of it?

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Post Information
Title Why is it so hard for me to get over my slutty ex?
Author dontbedenied
Upvotes 2
Comments 18
Date June 5, 2017 3:01 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-get-over-my-slutty-ex.92134
https://theredarchive.com/post/92134
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6feouw/why_is_it_so_hard_for_me_to_get_over_my_slutty_ex/
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Comments

[–]Endorsed Contributorvandaalen5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Chemicals. Oxytocin is a hell of a drug.

http://a.trp.red/4d

[–]epicness2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Do you have a lot of other options? If you don't, that may be there source of it.

[–]dontbedenied1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not a lot, I'm working on it though. The best I've felt since the breakup is when I've gone on dates with other girls. I know I shouldn't let women give me validation but it does feel good to know a woman wants to be with me.

[–]nomorebsever1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Toxic combination of oxytocin from the sex and rush of personal validation (misguided) in putting on your tights and cape and rushing in as "Captain Save-A-Hoe". You will be fine.. some unpleasant withdrawal, but good for you - you did the right thing and got out of a toxic and fucked up situation - No further contact with her (she doesn't deserve your attention) and move on.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks man

[–]BoobsBrah1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel you man,struggling with oneitis aswell even though my ex wasnt a slut lol,being with other girls helps alot,I try to channel that energy to push me to do positive stuff like pushing harder at the gym and going out more

[–]LordThunderbolt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lack of options.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah...I think this has a lot to do with it

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Is she undiagnosed BPD? That would explain the harassment weeks after.

[–]dontbedenied1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I definitely think so. Actually (sadly), the only other girlfriend I've had was bipolar, and the behavior of my two exes was virtually identical. Obviously I need to work on screening women better for LTRs.

[–]BusterVadge1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've been there and done that. Crazy girls are awesome in bed, and can be pretty intense in a good way, but not worth it!

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah. I think part of my problem is she became less slutty with me over time (less sexually adventurous and less sexually interested in general) which I took very personally and also signaled to me that the relationship was over. I interpreted that as being my fault, which may or may not be true...I shouldn't have made her an LTR to begin with, though. When the sexual energy died, I discovered there wasn't a whole lot of reasons left to stick around in the relationship, considering what a shitty attitude she had all of the time.

[–]juliusstreicher1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sluts have a certain kind of attraction, esp. to guys with few options. A. There's the Captain Save a Ho complex, when lonely guys want to save the slut from herself, and be rewarded for it B. We look at attractive sluts as something that others have overlooked, rather than discarded for their flaws. This makes us feel better about ourselves. C. You tossed her over, meaning that, combined with the Capn SaW complex, YOU rejected this girl, whom you, internally, forswore to protect and nurture. Now, you're feeling guilt, loss, pity, and lust.

You'll get better.

[–]dontbedenied1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Man, you nailed it. Why is it that lonely guys ("Nice Guys"?) build up the Captain Save a Ho complex?

[–]Jenk3383 points points [recovered] | Copy Link

Nice guys seek validation from women. "Omg you're so sweet!" Gives them the same head rush as fucking.

[–]dontbedenied0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ugh...yeah. I remember the first time I broke up with this girl, she came to my door crying, telling me I was the "kindest man she'd ever known". I felt great when she said that...I'd always prided myself on being a kind, caring person. And I still think those are good qualities in a person, regardless of gender. But they aren't qualities that make a woman want to fuck you, or even desire you, which I learned the hard way.

[–]jb_trp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

  • You're going through oxytocin withdrawls.
  • It's human nature: We always want what we "can't have," but nobody wants the doormat they can't get rid of.
  • You need to learn from this and grow as a person and a man.

Really, you've been given a great opportunity to grow and become the sort of man you want to be, learn from this, and find a girl who will make a decent LTR.

[–]quicklogaccount0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why can I not snap out of it?

You should have talked more about you. I'll make some guesses.

If before committing to her your sex life was weak and it grew intensely, it could be that you kind of associated her with sex. Now you associate the absence of sex and all the benefit it brought with her absence.
With time you're bound to dissociate one from another because you can actually tell them apart, but you can rush it by banging some other chicks.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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