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Wife came in and just said "I'm going out."

August 13, 2014

Good evening TRPers (or morning, depending on where you are).

Things have been improving with me since I started applying this stuff to my relationship with my wife.

However, tonight, for some reason, my wife was being pissy.

I got home and we had dinner and everything seemed fine. I took our kid outside to play before it got dark and to give my wife some time to relax etc. When it started getting dark I came in and she took him to give him a bath. So far so good.

Then after the bath she came out, gave him to me, and said "I'm going to the bathroom", which is what she often does when she doesn't want to do anything and just sits on the toilet and looks at Instagram or watches Youtube videos.

I assumed, based upon precedent, that she was putting him to bed, because our habit is that one person puts him to be while the other person relaxes then we switch. Since she was giving him a bath and getting him ready, that would logically lead to her putting him to bed.

So we watched some kid videos on Youtube for a few minutes, and then at bed time I sent him to his mom. (He's 2.5).

She sent him back and said "Did you just send him to me?" "Yes". I told you that I was going to the bathroom and you to put him to bed." (she didn't). "No you didn't." (as I'm taking him into the bedroom and she's following me talking loudly "Yes I did, I'm 100% sure." "Well, you're 100% wrong." Then I stopped engaging her and started reading him a book. Put him to bed after a few books and songs etc and came and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie. She said in a few minutes.

I came out to the family room. A couple minutes later she came out and said "you left the curtains in his room open, now when it gets light out in the morning, he's going to wake up too early." "That's ok, we'll just go in and close them once he's asleep." Her: "I'm going out." Me: says nothing and just keeps doing what I'm doing. It was ok, but I wished after I'd said, right away "have fun!" But I didn't think of it. She goes back in the bedroom for a minute, comes back out and leaves. I say "have fun!" right as she's walking out the door. She says nothing.

Note: she doesn't know anyone here, so there's no worries there.

Note 2.0: She's probably just going to drive around, I bought her a car a few days ago and I think she's just exercising her newfound "freedom"

Note 3.0: Also, I feel like she thinks this is some sort of dread game (not like she knows what that is) but just she knows it's something I won't like, so she's doing it for that reason, though she'll just say, if confronted, that she wanted alone time.

How did I handle it?

TLDR: Wife is pissy, says "I'm going out", doesn't know anyone though, I say nothing but "have fun". How did I handle it?

Edit: 10 minutes later she came back in. I said "How was your drive?" She said "I was gonna go to Macy's but they're closed."

Then I put a movie on.

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Post Information
Title Wife came in and just said "I'm going out."
Author thelotusknyte
Upvotes 8
Comments 34
Date August 13, 2014 2:44 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askTRP
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/wife-came-in-and-just-said-im-going-out.141336
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2dee23/wife_came_in_and_just_said_im_going_out/
Red Pill terms in post

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lots of time alone on her phone. Little respect for you. Changing her mind and going out alone. Etc. These are red flags for cheating. I'd be on that and determining what's going on. You can't confront her. You have to dig, yourself.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've dug out of curiosity. It really is Instagram and Youtube, her phone battery usage is pretty much those two things, the screen and system files.

She's just being childish, she's not cheating.

[–]AskTRP Endorsed ContributorAlphaAsFAQ1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Starting to apply TRP to an LTR is always going to be a rocky road. I always advise starting very slowly and then ramping things up.

You handled the situation well. She's an adult and should be able to do whatever she likes. Keep on your toes and ensure that this sort of behaviour is not having a negative impact on her responsibilities to her family.

Like Metaman said, women get emotional for no reason, just ride it out.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok. In my mind I was like, how can I show this means nothing to me? But I felt I was grasping at straws you know?

[–]MetacognitiveMan2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Wife will get pissy once in a while for seemingly no reason. I would have just let her get the last word in and not cared, but your 100% wrong comment was funny. If that was me, I would have felt I'd done well.

Are you unsure how you handled things or just wanted to get this off your chest? Some of my days with my wife are similar to what you describe. My goal is not to be reactive, be a mirror to emotion and not a sponge and protect my boundaries.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

I'm mostly curious as to your analysis on how I reacted to her saying she was going out. Should I have stayed silent? Was I just right to let it go when she came back?

[–]MetacognitiveMan3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

For me the answer is "Yes" to both of those questions.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for your feedback.

[–]2niczar2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ignoring it entirely would have been perfectly fine.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't have mentioned her going out at all when she came back.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I don't know when to keep my mouth shut yet.

[–]KyfhoMyoba0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If you can't think of a damn good reason to open it, keep it closed. There's a reason pussy soaks for the "strong, silent type."

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Good point.

[–]5BluepillProfessor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You handled it just fine. Hold frame and IDGAF. Be the rock in her storm. If your wife is being a pissy bitch YOU should be the one leaving, not her. She probably doesn't even know what she is doing but she is testing your frame, trying to see if she can still make you lose it.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Thanks for the perspective.

[–]demilitarizdsm1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Love your note 2.0 That is where you can pass alot of shit tests with LTR. You put yourself in thier shoes and see the moves like a chess board. Wish I could access those moments everytime.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah me too. I didn't think of it til after, unfortunately.

[–]Mans_Right_To_Choose1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Once she came home she lost. Move on and ignore.

Remember, women are the most mature teenagers in the room. If a teen girl screams, "Daddy you're the worst!" runs to her room, and slams the door it is the same thing.

You don't chase her and engage. You let the tantrum run its course. Then when she comes out ten minutes later and says, "I forgot my phone," you put on Frozen and go on like nothing happened.

You handled things fine.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]soskrood1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I've got a quick question about this. One of the things I've heard is that when your wife is having a fit and want you to do X, make sure that you do not do X.

For example, if your wife is yelling at you for not taking out the trash, under no circumstances should you take the trash out. It reinforces that yelling at you gets results.

I understand in this situation its difficult because the issue was putting your child to bed - but I would have been tempted to leave the house myself at that point and leave the job to her - or just let the kid be up for another 20 minutes and start a movie while she sulks or whatever.

What ended up happening is you caved to her demand that you put the kid to bed - then she criticized you for leaving the window open. I would have also tried to make it clear that if she wants the window shut she can either do it herself or ask you your reasoning... but criticizing you on your decision to leave it open (even temporarily) is not acceptable. Saying "that's OK, we can close it later" is basically saying "your right, i'll fix my mistake". Maybe go with "It's too hot in kids room for a closed window right now."

I'm trying to learn here too - so do any of the seasoned pro's have input on this part of the story - or am I missing something?

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with not doing it when they're having a fit. However I felt between a rock and a hard place because it was my son and I didn't want him to be the pressure point of conflict between us, you know? That's my reasoning, I'm not saying that was necessarily what I should do, it was just the best thing I could think of at the time.

About the window. It wasn't actually the window, it was the curtains. She was right about that, if we leave the curtains open he wakes up like at four in the morning when it gets light. The only solution to that was going in there when he was asleep and closing the curtains. How else could I have handled it? It needed to get done, and I DID forget to do it (it's not something that she insists on that I just do to shut her up, I agree with the idea, I just forgot).

[–]blarggggggggggg1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm no expert but I think overall you did well.

This pissyness really feels like the exact same kind of BS my wife pulls sometimes. You may want to start tracking her cycle. My wife ramps up bitch mode like clockwork 10 days before menstruation. It helps to anticipate it to be ready mentally and schedule time out with the guys.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Interssting. I'll check that.

[–]KyfhoMyoba1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Get on therationalmale.com and heartiste.wordpress.com Look up studies on ovulation. There's a lot you can tell about her by her behavior through her cycle (unless she's on hormonal birth control). Ovulating (days 6-10 from last day of bleeding)? She'd better be hot for your cock. If not, you've got a lot of work to do. Major bad sign. Like potential imminent cheating sign. I'd say that most guys on here in LTRs track their women's cycle.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

She's hot for it.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I subscribed to rational male today, thanks for the recommendation!

[–]HerrV0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not necessarily cheating but wouldn't be surprised if she was doing just that.

An amazing lack of respect though. Command some respect or go nuclear.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

She's playing the Dread Game on you.

[–]thelotusknyte[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah well she failed miserably if that's the case because as I mentioned she walked back in 5-10 minutes later lol.

Edit: phrasing

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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