I'm in the bottom of the social hiearchy, how do i change this?

CharlieIndiaShitlord · 2015-07-26T14:54:10+00:00

You're on the right path, you want change, you're simply coming out of the 'blunder years', and you are behind the rest of the field.

There are a few things you can do, all of them revolve around you. The main thing you have to work on is how you perceive yourself. What you need to figure out, is who you want to be in life. I don't mean your career, I mean the kind of man you want to grow into, someone you and others can respect.

If you can figure out who that man is, then you can set goals. The image of who you want to be may seem far off, or even unrealistic. He may be really fit, well read, well travelled. 'Fixing' yourself is not a short term goal, it is always an ongoing process, trial and error. There are no shortcuts.

Many men have had to go through the same thing, and many of them succeeded, all of them started the self improvement by making a determination to do so, and more to the point, following up on it, consistently.

Two books you need to read.

How to Win Friends and Influence People
No More Mr. Nice Guy

These books will help you understand yourself and other people.

Exercise. Your body needs it, and your brain needs it. You can not skimp on either. There are a number of subreddits that have guides to get you started. Eat right! I can't say that enough, good food may even seem alien to you if you aren't used to it.

Grooming is essential. You need to look as good as you can. Skin care if you have problems, check out /r/SkincareAddiction. Dress in what fits you now, not what you want to have fit you later.

One more heads up for you. Many people don't like seeing others working to improve themselves, it makes them feel shitty about their own lack of drive. Do Not Give A Fuck about them.

I don't know if you are employed. Get a job if you don't have one, you need income. Your social abilities are not where you want them to be. While interactions with people you don't know can be scary at first, the only way to get better at it is by doing it. Some of those interactions are not going to go smoothly, learn to laugh at your own mistakes, they are going to happen. You absolutely need to meet new people.

I learned two words a long time ago that helped me immensely. Fuck it. In other words, don't let the fear keep you down.

Remember, there are no shortcuts, but keep this in mind, if it takes you 5 years to get your shit sorted out, you'll be 24 and have a full life ahead of you. So start. Now.

jcrpta · 2015-07-26T12:21:07+00:00

To those people, you will always be the kid they bullied in school.

Very little will change that.

So, rather than trying to be a big fish in a small pond, I would suggest you get out. See the world.

After that, if you go back you're the interesting bloke who's been all over the world. And if you don't? No biggie.

[deleted] · 2015-07-26T13:41:14+00:00

People will never let anybody climb in social rank. All you can do is find new people. Go see the world.

muuh-gnu · 2015-07-26T18:32:32+00:00

What im supposed to do with this group of people from now on?

Avoid them like the plague. Their presence is poison for your self conscience. Imagine being a rape victim trying to change your "status" while your rapist is present. This is impossible. Once the pecking order is firmly established, it is impossible to change it. Like in India, you cannot simply leave your caste. Your only chance is to leave them alltogether and start with a clean slate.

xaphody · 2015-07-27T03:55:57+00:00

I've always believed that if you can receive it then you can dish it. I too was bullied verbally through high school by my senior years I no longer cared. I became very good and throwing anything the said to me back in their faces with a superior Witt. "Errr.. No" was my favourite reply from them after I insulted them back. It opened them up to being laughed at. That guy is just as insecure as you. Everyone on the entire planet is just like you. Some are able to hide or pretend otherwise but its just a part of being self aware. When people say stupid shit to you they do it too see where you stand. So show them where you stand whether you believe yourself at that point or not. Keep your feet firmly on the ground.

m2c · 2015-07-26T21:28:40+00:00

go lift weights, seriously.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-07-27T03:22:00+00:00

LIFT.

iambump · 2015-07-27T03:37:20+00:00

You need to learn one thing add to the good advice you have been given here. You have to live your own life not theirs who cares what they think of you. *You are unique * so what if you are at the bottom of the social clique, don't worry you don't say what you are good at. Find something you are good at and capitalize on it, it may be something totally mundane like knowing how to cook, or if it's something you want to learn, DO IT. learn to be better, don't know how to dress right for a situation, ask someone who does for pointers. Improve your self small changes can make a difference. I use to be really load, didn't have many friends, didn't have a girl friend or was real popular with the people I grew up with. I started by making a change, I went to trade school to become an electronic tech. I also learned to cook. I moved out of state a while. I learned several things while I lived out of town, one I learned not to care what other people thought about me.ididnt have much money so I got a job. I went to work in a clothing store to learn how to dress and when to wear some items. I lost 200 pounds also. I also dated and was friends with a stripper, I learned a lot about myself from her I also learned how to read people. Today I am still learning, it's a life long thing, you can not be static. Don't give up. Sorry this is long. You can do this, it does take time.

Title	I'm in the bottom of the social hiearchy, how do i change this?
Author	delux_bg
Upvotes	16
Comments	20
Date	July 26, 2015 11:56 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/becomeaman
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/becomeaman/comments/3enhza/im_in_the_bottom_of_the_social_hiearchy_how_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/becomeaman/im-in-the-bottom-of-the-social-hiearchy-how-do-i.137587 https://theredarchive.com/post/137587