People constantly interrupting you.

GunsGermsAndSteel · 2013-12-30T21:30:46+00:00

When someone interrupts me, I stop talking. I maintain eye contact, let them finish, leave a pause, then resume where I left off.

I'm not gonna get them to stop interrupting. But I am going to handle it with dignity.

whiptheria · 2014-01-02T14:59:04+00:00

I'm glad this question is out there. I have this problem and these are the conclusions I've arrived at:

It's partly me. Something about my demeanor signals something that causes other people to want to, need to or feel entitled to interrupt me. What that is I'm not sure of.
It's partly them. Manners are shit these days. What are you gonna do.
I can only control me. I've taken to saying less, thereby increasing the value of my words and also taking the edge off of whatever it is in my style that feeds into this effect. That's helped a lot. Also, I've worked on not taking it so personally when people interrupt me. I can't always be sure why people are interrupting me, and trying to figure people out is worth only so much effort.

Sabarot · 2013-12-30T22:58:52+00:00

Here's a technique I developed. It's a bit weird, but hey, sometimes that's the only way we're allowed to go in modern society and still be assertive:

At the point I'm interrupted, I lock eyes with the person who offended, grinning a big grin like we're sharing a joke, widen my eyes and continue what I was saying in a comically loud voice.

ME: "so I walk in and the guy behind the counter looks like [person interrupts, I continue as described above] HANNIBAL LECTOR IN SILENCE OF THE LAMBS WHICH WAS SO FREAKY I JUST STARED AT HIM FOR LIKE 10 SECONDS!!!!"

And the awesome part is, it normally gets a laugh, everybody knows what you did, you've asserted yourself, AND IT NEVER GETS OLD!!! If you're interrupted again you do the same thing, but now you can give them this look while you're yelling like, "Dude, what are you doing?! You knew this was going to happen. What are you, retarded?"

Enjoy.

2013-12-30T20:16:07+00:00

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buterbr0d · 2013-12-30T21:15:21+00:00

Do you talk with your hands? Do the other people? It can be seen as dominant or controlling of the conversation.

Do you have something worthwhile you're saying?

Making eye contact without breaking?

VirFalcis · 2013-12-30T20:09:38+00:00

I tend to have the same problem, but I think it happens BECAUSE I have a deep voice. Higher pitched voices are probably just easier to hear? No idea though...

secularist42 · 2013-12-30T21:10:24+00:00

If someone interrupts me once, I'll usually let it slide. Twice or more is a pattern and I'll simply stop cold and give a look of "are you done?"

95% of the time that brings an apology from the other party and a renewed awareness of their behavior.

redpillschool · 2013-12-30T22:00:17+00:00

I'm sure /u/GaiusScaevolus can chime in. I'll guess he'd say "just be loud and imposing.." like some sort of steam roller... just roll over those interrupting cows.

Lordrummxx1 · 2014-01-02T18:16:22+00:00

"Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours"

2013-12-31T11:06:10+00:00

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steadymotion · 2013-12-31T08:08:10+00:00

I usually don't get interrupted. I think it's because I have a good read on the situation and I only speak when I know that what I have to say is so good that people wouldn't dare interrupt.

Tone of voice matters too. The best tone is one that sounds so confident in what you have to say, that other people believe that what you have to say is worth hearing. When I speak, people usually turn their heads towards me to listen intently. I don't have a super deep voice. It's probably average deepness for a male. But I speak with authority. That's what's important.

hringmisual · 2013-12-31T14:39:49+00:00

Here's a /r/socialengineering thread on the topic, definitely check it out

http://www.reddit.com/r/SocialEngineering/comments/1sszpw/reporting_back_re_how_do_i_deal_with_someone_who/

2014-01-04T04:07:39+00:00

I usually will just keep talking (and in fact talk over the person who's interrupting me) and say "please let me finish what I have to say." It's not confrontational or rude, but it does communicate to the person who interrupted you that you are in control of the conversation.

I find that nine times out of ten the person who interrupted me will stop talking and let me finish.

mightyspan · 2014-01-31T01:07:12+00:00

When someone does that to me I like to use humor so I hold their gaze and make fun of them saying something like, "So speaketh Massivus Interruptus!." It seems lame as fuck as I write it here, but it gets a lot of laughs every time I use it. And the other person, knowing that I now own the audience, tends to commence shutting the fuck up.

If they do it several times, I just leave. At some point you just have to value your time over that of an idiot and those that would follow them. But I may be unique this way since I'm an entertainer by trade.

BalletBologna · 2014-05-14T20:00:05+00:00

Be proactive instead of reactive. When you talk, talk loud (a deeper voice requires more volume to be heard), use gestures and take up a lot of space. It's more intimidating to interrupt someone who clearly has the stage. Don't talk forever, and check in with people periodically by gesturing towards them, giving them eye contact, and gauging their response to what you're saying with quick questions or interjections.

If they're losing interest or patience, their eyes will wander from your face and they'll start thinking about what they want to say rather than listen, so wrap it up or yank them back into attention with a quick question.

If they still interrupt, ignore them and keep talking, often they will back down. Be aware that they've stopped listening at this point and is thinking about something they want to say. Wrap it up and pass the initiative to them with a "giving" gesture and say "you were saying?"

If they don't back down immediately when you ignore them, it'll get awkward if you both keep talking, so shut up and listen intently. Then, if the interruption was pointless blather and added nothing, resume what you were saying. If it superseded your train of thought, or branched off, follow the new path. Unless your stuff was very important, of course.

You shouldn't interrupt, but some people will just not shut up and will talk forever if you let them. Don't be one of those people, and don't tolerate them either.

2014-05-24T15:14:09+00:00

I've found that it happens more if I drone all monotone ppl get bored and stop listening if you're animated, expressive, generally entertaining to listen to it happens less. I think of it like being a teacher in a class. You may have the trappings of dominance, but if you're boring they don't do much for you.

boydeer · 2013-12-31T06:31:50+00:00

watch people who never get interrupted. there is body language beyond good posture that communicates that you are not finished speaking, such as holding your hands up in front of you. speaking in head voice (with resonance coming from your sinuses rather than your body, or what people refer to as projecting) is higher energy and less likely to get bowled over.

the other thing is what you do when you're interrupted. i will often continue speaking to see if they notice they're interrupting (probably for only a half second if they keep talking, but long enough for it to be uncomfortable). or what GunsGermsAndSteel says is good.

and i disagree with the advice to never break eye contact (because looking away communicates certain things), but eye contact is very powerful and could be something to examine.

chainlinks · 2014-01-02T15:59:42+00:00

It could be a lot of things.

Do you mumble when you start a sentence?
Do you trail off towards the end of a thought?
Obviously eye contact, which I'm sure other people have mentioned.

Personally, I remember feeling like I was being interrupted more frequently than I preferred. I identified the problem as me being too long-winded. A few years ago I made a conscious effort to be more brief and to the point when I spoke to people. It's seemed to have worked well as I rarely get interrupted now.

kzwrp · 2014-01-07T04:18:28+00:00

The simple thing to do is, be good at reading your listener's bodylanguage so that you know who will interrupt you, then hold up a hand in a gesture of "I'm going to finish this, wait for your turn."

I have absolutely no problem calling out people on their rudeness either once they interrupt me.

KentuckyFriedColonel · 2014-03-05T06:04:09+00:00

Talk over them without stopping until you've beaten them into submission with your voice.

straylighter · 2014-03-15T22:52:04+00:00

I just don't stop talking.

Eventually either they shut up, or I finish and wait for someone to ask me to repeat what I said and do so. Especially if you have a deep voice as indicated, this should pretty much work all the time. Flat eye contact with the person speaking over you also helps.

Zackwell · 2013-12-31T07:05:49+00:00

Just firmly say "I'm sorry, I am speaking and you are interrupting." Works every single time for me. Usually with an apology. You've got to make solid eye contact and say with a stern voice, raising a finger works to reaffirm your presence.

SuperNinKenDo · 2013-12-31T09:12:12+00:00

Just wait for them to finish saying what they were saying, it's probably pointless and uninteresting, so when they're done just carry on talking like they never said shit.

2013-12-31T00:01:10+00:00

People usually interrupt because you're a bore and aren't talking about anything with conversing about.

When you're interesting you don't get interrupted.

Title	People constantly interrupting you.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	39
Comments	54
Date	December 30, 2013 7:59 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/becomeaman
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/becomeaman/comments/1u1d2u/people_constantly_interrupting_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/becomeaman/people-constantly-interrupting-you.137380 https://theredarchive.com/post/137380